help me help my husband
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help me help my husband
| Fri, 10-26-2007 - 8:25am |
My husband has had diabetes since apr. 16yrs of age, now he's 45. A few months back his eyes hemoraged, he's recieving treatment for it. My problem is they are now starting him on insulin, which he in the past has refused. Anyway now the thing is he still won't do any of the diet things he's suppost to do. For instance he ate a whole box of cakes (12) yesterday and 4 cheeze whiz sandwiches and thats about it. He's slowly killing him self what do I do. Please help me to help him.

Hi and welcome to the board!
Unfortunately, you can't "make" him do anything. As with just about anything (losing weight, stopping smoking, etc), he has to want to do what is best for his own self on his own. However, you can sit down with him and quietly let him know that you love him and you don't want to lose him and you're SCARED about what he's doing. It pretty much sounds like he's just really tired of dealing with this, particularly now that the thing he's fought so long (insulin dependence) has happened. He may figure "why bother? it's hopeless. I'll eat whatever I want and just use more insulin" - that 'binge' he went on sounds exactly like a small child who, upon being told "you can't", goes ahead and does precisely that, despite any hazard, just to prove "I can". KWIM? (and I do NOT want to be putting down your hubby at all with that comparison). I know that right now I'm exercising more and watching what I eat more closely because my dr told me "I want to put you on x medication" and I said No and I want to "prove" to her that I can improve my test results (bs, cholesterol, weight, etc) *without* that. Kind of similar - she said "you have to" and I'm sticking my tongue out and saying "No I don't" pthht; he's been told he "can't" and so he says "yes I can pthhht"
What I've found useful with my DH (re his hypertension and weight issues) was to take some quiet space and ask what *I* could do that would help him, what did he want/need, what would he find helpful. Sometimes it meant "hey could you remind me about taking my medicine until it gets to be a habit?" (BTDT) Sometimes it meant "remind me to get on the treadmill". Sometimes it meant helping him find new recipes. And sometimes it meant simply listening while he expressed his fears and concerns. Right now, I'm making sure he checks his blood pressure at home regularly (he tends to run high at the dr's office simply because he's at the dr's office) - the dr wants him to check it regularly for several weeks and if it is above a certain level more than half the time, they need to then discuss options. If I don't hear from him (I'm at work, he's home with our son fulltime) by around 3 pm, I call and make sure he's tested. Then I log it into a spreadsheet.
--Deb
Aqua2006,
I am so sorry to read about your husband. Men with diabetes are a difficult for us women to understand. My husband has been diabetic for over 20 years and two weeks ago he certainly gave me a fright. I try not to fight with him over some of the strange things that he does because I know it will do no good. I try to have healthy food and snacks in the house so that he can't make too many bad decisions.
Your husband must have been a type 2 diabetic because he wouldn't have survived 16 years without insulin. Many type 2 diabetics feel like a huge failure when they need to take insulin. But more than 50% of type 2 diabetics are treated with insulin. Just because he has worn out his pancreas doesn't mean that he has changed the type of diabetic. What you see in type 2's is that they need more insulin than a type 1 diabetic to achieve the same result.
Depression is quite common in diabetes and I think your husband needs to tell his physician how he feels. He doesn't need to suffer needlessly. Additionally I bet his diabetes isn't under control yet and so he just plain doesn't feel well.
Please pull up a chair and join our conversation. There are several of us who have diabetic husbands. We are here to support you in anyway that we can.
Maybe it would help if you learned how to bake some diabetic safe cakes and other goodies. The lowest carb bread I can find is Nature's Own Double Fiber. Check out Netrition.com for a special low carb flour that makes a pretty good cake and excellent pancakes. I just made a pumpkin bread with it with creme cheese frosting that all enjoyed and I could eat without my BS blasting through the roof.
I just ran into an old friend today who diabetes is soooooooooooooooooo out of control. Got a bad feeling I am about to lose a friend. She will not follow a low carb low glycemic index diet. She just keeps popping more and more pills and is getting worse and worse. Hard to watch it. I think I will write her an email tonight and try one more time to get her to eat better.
Another thing that may be causing your husband problems is depression. This disease is enough to depress anyone but if it gets too bad ya just tend to give up fighting. Maybe meds might help? Just a thought.
Kathy