Scared and Embaressed

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Scared and Embaressed
36
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 9:46am

Hi Everyone,


I have been diabetic type 2 now for about 7yrs. With that being said, I am very afraid and embaressed to be here on this board. Not so much for what I think you folks will think of me, but more for the fact that by being here means that I have hopefully made the decision to finally do something about trying to get my bs under control. The embaressement comes from the fact that I haven't done anything to get it under control.


I am 49yrs old, this is harder to write than I thought. It really is embarassing. I have read a lot of your post before I decided to start a discussion, and feel very silly, ackward, and childish. The good ole river denial. Okay, when I woke up this morning my fasting bs was 323, I know. After one cup of coffee it was 413. Yesterday, same as today, in the mid 300's, and after my coffee it was 437. With that said, I have had the diabetes under control before during the 7yrs. since I was diagnosed. I had in under control about 2yrs. ago, and than my mom passed away 21mos. ago, and frankly I just didn't care. I was taking Lantus, injectable insulin, 32units at bedtime, and some type of fast acting 12units in the morning before I ate. My bs #'s were a lot lower than. Oh plus I was taking 5mgs. of Glipizide. I am allergic to medformin, or as some call it glucaphoge. By the way my spell checker doesn't work, so please fogive the spelling. Anyway ah ha, forgot to mention that I also weigh 215lbs, I am 5'8" and very sedatary. I have had a right eye lens replacement, because I was in the hospital about 5yrs. ago, because my A1C was 11.7, one morning I woke up(this is while I was in the hospital) and everything was extremely foggy. Like gray. That fast too. The night before I saw fine, than the next morning it was like that. So I called the nurse, they had me start fasting right away, and a couple of days later, they did a right eye lens replacement. A few days after that my sight came back just fine. During that time I would get celluiotist(sp) in my lower legs all the time, well I did get serious about controling the diabetes for a while there, and the celluiatist has never come back. At this point I have neuropathy so bad in both feet, that I hate it. So anyway after my mom passed away, I just quit using the Lantus, and the fast acting insulin. I kept taking the Glipzide, but that wasn't enough to help, so in April of this year I moved from No. Ca. to So. Ca. within a couple of weeks of being here, everytime I would give myself my insulin I would get very red welts that would itch like crazy on the injection site. Within like about 5-10mins. of giving myself the Lantus. Anyway went to see a new doctor(at the time I lived with my sister down here) he told me that it was odd to be on insulin for over a year and than get an allergic reaction to it. But, he put me Avandia, and Medformin. I told him I got sick, like I vomitted when I took medformin, but he said he was putting me on a real sm dose so that it was okay. I got so sick. I stayed on that cocktail for 2mos.(also he took me off of the glipizide), and finally after that amount of time he did another A1C(btw, the one he took when I first saw him was 10. something) and it was 9.6. I was getting really bad cramps in my upper stomach, had to go to the ER. and had to have my gall bladder removed. So off the meds I went again. Finally we moved into our own place on 9-1-07, and I finally went to see a primary care doc 3wks. ago, my blood work was terrible. My Cholesterol, both the good and bad was way up there, my tryglicirides(sp), my A1C was 8.1 so that was way better, and most of all the blood work she ordered was really not so hot. She increased my Glipizide to 10mgs a day, and it is a longer acting Glipizide than what I was on before. She had me start taking my bs's 3x's a day, fasting, before dinner, and at bedtime. The dietician contacted me, and after one week of doing this, I just quit checking my bs's because they were always so high, and when I get scared I just ignore stuff. Well I went to the eye doc. last week, only to find out that my right eye, behind the fake lens is all cloudy, and will need laser surgery, and the left eye has some optic nerve damage. I got referred to Ophthalmology, to see what needs to be done. I have to make an appt. next week. Or this week. So I started thinking about this board, my sight, my feet, my dh is also diabetic, uncontrolled, he by the way is not overweight, we have a 13yr. old ds who is not diabetic,(YET), and to be truthful all this comes down to I don't want to change, I love my pasta, I love my coffee with French Vinalla, and sugar, and I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK ANY DIFFERENT WAY THAN WHAT I NOW KNOW HOW TO DO! I don't even know where to start. My mom was from Germany, and my father from Al. So on that note, I learned at a young age to cook very rich and hearty meals. I am obese, I smoke, and I sedatary. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, and Panic Attacks,(which I do know that having such high bs's makes the Depression and P.A.'s much worse) The depression and panic attacks sometimes border on Agoraphobia. Our truck broke down about 2mos ago, so I just don't go out very much anymore. I have a 1yr old Shih Tzu dog that I used to walk for about 40mins 2 times a day. Now I really don't go out. I know that I am heading straight for heart dieases, stroke, and kidney diasese. The thing is like the foods that I eat. I was reading through one of the posts her about sweetners, and I don't care for equal, sweet and low, or splinda, but I remember once someone told me about those drops you can use(forget the name now) that are very strong, and taste a lot about suger. I of course don't like the suger free Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer. Now that I have told you my whole pity party. I feel very overwhelmed about where to start, and how to start. I honestly don't know how to cook any differently than I do now. I can't go to classes, because of lack of transportation. I have really good health insurance, from being on SSI, but my husbands health insurance from work is terrible. So I worry about him, I worry about our son. Now I am finally worrying about myself as well. For some reason, the high bs's I just ignored, the gall bladder I ignored, but the problems with my eyes scared me enough to reach out to you folks. I told you all of this stuff for the very reason that I want you to understand me, and my lack of willingness to change. I am a recovering addict, I have almost 3yrs clean now. So I know I have it in me somewhere to change, or I wouldn't have been able to quit the pain pills. I am so tired of my feet hurting so much when I walk. My new doc. told me that they won't know the extint of the nerve damage to my feet until about 6mos after I get my bs's under control. I am so tired of being sick and tired. I sleep a lot(which I also know is due in part to my diabetes.) So yeah, I guess with even as scared I am to change, and embaressed about telling my story, I am reaching out to you folks, because I also have a 23yr old ds, and a 28yr old dd, with 2 young grandchildren, but mostly I want to be around to see my 13yr. old ds grow up. So here it is all laid out for you guys. The ugly truth about me not changing. Sorry this post is so so very long. I would so like any feedback I can get, hopefully not to harsh. Thanks I appreciate you all listening. Thanks,

Donna

Donna

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 12:15pm

Hi Donna,


I am glad you posted.

Avatar for cl_coldfingers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:48am

Hi Donna and welcome to th board!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 9:27am

Cheryl,


Thanks for the welcome. Yes your right about me wanting to get the diabetes under control. A lot of stopping the drugs at first was because of my ds, my mom, and than after a while it was because of me, just me. I wanted to not live that way anymore. I give this example because I learned that it was okay to stop doing harm to your body even if it is for someone else at first. The fact is that you are changing your lifestyle. So it may have been for my ds and mom, but than you learn/want it for yourself, and that's when it really sticks. So for now, I will go with the idea that it is in the greater good of my dh, and ds, and than I know it will become for myself. So on that note I ask.


Let's start with meat, I eat more red meat than I do poultry. So lets say I make speg. 1. Where do I find wheat pasta? I know that I use the leanest of hamburger meat.

Donna

Avatar for cl_coldfingers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 10:31am

Before I start, I will say I may not get everything addressed in this post.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:31pm

Cheryl,


First off I want to tell you that I am very sorry for your lose of your aunt. As I mentioned before I lost my mom 21mos. ago. So I understand the feeling of losing someone close to you.


Yes, you have given me a really good starting place, the carbs. is something I now know how to count, so a big Thank you for that. The links you have given me are great as well. I will save them in my favorites, and read up about them. I am glad that you are not on medications for your diabetes, that is awesome that you can control it with your diet. I'm impressed with that! I really like what you say about if it's white than don't bite. An easy thing to remember, now that I know that. Thank you again for all the info. Take gentle care of yourself.

Donna

Donna

Avatar for cl_maryfrances40
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 3:23pm

Hi Donna,


My name is Mary Frances and I am the other community leader for this. I am a type 2 diabetic and a registered nurse. Any advise I may give is not a substitute for seeking medical advise from a health care practitioner of your choice.


I have been diabetic for 17 years and I have the one of the leaders for this board for just short of 10 years. Believe me, I have heard or read it all in that time!!


There is no reason to be embarrassed to be here. I am a better diabetic because I am here. I try to model as best I can good behavior. Heaven only knows where I would be if I wasn't here.


There are many things that you could do to be in better state than you are right now. In my mind you have 5 younger people to be concerned about and I hope that your children are being watched for diabetes since they have both parents with diabetes.


Wednesday, when the holiday is over, you need to call your doctor. It is recommended that diabetics report any blood sugars below 80 and over 400 to their doctor. In fact it is recommended that any blood sugars above 400 be treated in the emergency room.


I am not the least bit surprised that you feel awful because your blood sugar is totally out of control and you won't feel any better until it is back under control. I am not sure at this point if you can get it back under control without the use of insulin. There is another newer long acting insulin on the market called detimir (I may not have spelled this correctly). I, too, have not heard of many people being allergic to any of the insulins that are currently on the market, but people can be allergic to almost anything. I am allergic to onion which most people think is a truly strange allergy.


In taking control of your diabetes try it for one hour at a time and then you can increase it to 1/2 a day and then a whole etc. You can't erase the past several years. And I know how hard it is to lose your mom. For me it has been 22 years and sometimes I still miss her terribly.


Believe it or not, your weight truly isn't that awful and really not an excuse for not getting moving. You probably need to lose 60 pounds but we have folks around here that need to lose much more than that. Even a small weight loss of 20 pounds would do wonders in getting your blood sugar under control and help with your depression. It is hard having a chronic disease and managing it 24/7/365. There is no vacation from diabetes. But the upside is that when you get it back under control you will feel so much better.


Please look at the recipes in the folder. You will find things that we have all made and that are easy to fix. Under no circumstances start cooking too different kinds of meals for your family. We eat regular food! It is just the portion that needs to be modified. When I started eating in a diabetic manner I was surprised that I was able to lose weight and that I wasn't hungry all the time. There is no reason here in California not to have fresh fruits and veggies in the house that you like. Your son need to be taught how to eat to prevent his becoming diabetic. He has a huge risk of diabetes.


Please start taking your dog for short walks outside your house. The dog will love you for doing this! If you can only make a block, that is okay. You can conquer this overnight.


I am going stop now. I am so glad that you decided to join us. Please pull up a chair and join our conversation. We have all at one time or another been where you are.



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Avatar for 2sweet02
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 7:22pm

Mary Frances, your allergy to onion is not strange.

2sweet02

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 6:44am

I just had to respond to you on this(even though my puter has some serious problems and Norton has not come through with the promised CD yet!!)

Anyway, remember the saying that "today is a new day!" Ok, you have not taken diabetes seriously at least for a while and you really need to! BUT try not to waste time on how far you are from where you need to be! It just uses up too much energy, and if you feel as bad as I think you do, you just don't have enough energy to do that and try to deal with the diabetes now. Maybe if you really cannot stop thinking about it, permit yourself to think about it for 1/2 hour, and then go back to what positive steps you can take. Otherwise its too easy to stay in the negative frame of mind and decide its just too hard to try!!

Not sure where you are located, but I have found the DaVinci coffee flavorings to be pretty good, and I always loved the vanilla flavoring, and the sugar free is not too bad. It is splenda but if you look around you might find the smaller size bottles to at least try. Then if nothing else, maybe make your coffee with half that and half the regular sweetners. If you switch over slowly it might be easier to get used to.

As far as getting moving, you might check the nearest Walmart and see if you can get one of the Omron pedometers. It has a number of bells and whistles but is very simple to use, keeps a record for the last 7 days and maybe to start with you can just try to up the number of steps each day by little. Swimming might be good if you have a place to do that because it does not put the extra weight on your feet. Even an exercise bike would help. Start slow. Even if you are just walking your dog, don't try to start out for 40 minutes, try a shorter time frame, and then try to go a little longer each time or each week. Don't overdo it or that will be a tempting excuse to not do it the next time.

One important thing to remember is that how you eat at home may really affect how your kids eat and they are MORE at risk of becoming diabetic because of your diabetes. So those steps you take to eat healthier yourself may end up helping your son in the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 6:40am

Mary Frances,


Thank you for the welcome to the Diabetic Board. It's a weird funny situation. I dreaded coming over to this board, read the discussions for a few days, and yet in my heart, even though I didn't want to hear what you folks had to say, I KNEW that

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 6:57am




Hi auntdoxzz,


Thank you for your information and the welcome to the board. I just wrote Mary Frances a long reply. I tried the sweetner Stevia today with my coffee, and while it does have a stong after taste, I will keep at it. Or eventually change to another sweetner. But it is tolerable. Problem being is that I also put reg. French Vanilla Creamer in it as well so I will have to start mixing the reg. creamer with the sugar free. Oh the fun of being a diabetic. LOL. No seriously you are right, I do feel as bad as you think I do. Yes it does take a lot of energy to do anything postive, but I did do it with the Stevia. So that is a start, and being on this board is a start. So yes there is progess. Yea. I might give the pedometers a try. BTDT, with the stationary bike, doesn't really work well with me, I tend to get to bored, plus money would be an issue right now. I live close the the ocean, in No. San Diego Co., but the water is a bit cold right now, but I do love to swim. So I will try really hard to take Jake, our dog, for shorter walks. You are so right about starting off slowly. That I will do, and yes I don't want our ds to become diabetic like his parents. So if nothing else he will be my motivation for now. Hey I'll take what I can at this time. Were you scared to change everything, or did it come easy to you? Just curious, if you don't want to answer I will totally understand. Thank you again,




Donna

Donna

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