Worried about diabetic husband
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| Tue, 07-08-2008 - 11:35am |
Hi all,
I am new to this board, but I really need some advice. My husband was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes about 5 years ago but I suspect he had it longer than that. It runs in his family--his mother and grandmother had it, and his younger brother was diagnosed with it at 15! Anyways, I am worried about him because he does not do what he is supposed to. He eats and drinks whatever he wants, never checks his blood sugar and takes his medicine irregularly. He also has high blood pressure.
At first I guess it was not really "real" to us. But now, I am noticing things that are worrying me more, and they don't seem to concern him. He has no energy, he is often irritable and has mood swings, and we are having sexual problems. He sleeps all the time--he has no energy for anything, barely even going to work, but he goes. He is tired all the time there. He doesn't sleep at night because he ends up sleeping all day. And I am not exaggerating. He will not get up until about 2:30 or 3:00pm, and that is because he has to go to work for 4:00pm. When he comes home around 12:30, he will stay up for a while, but usually ends up going to sleep around 2 or 3. Then, when he is up, he is so irritable and grouchy, I sometimes wish he would just go back to sleep.
Lately, with sex, his erection hasn't been getting as hard. It does get hard, but not as firm as it used to be. I noticed and I know he does, too. I tried to use that as an opening, because I thought that would be the one thing that would get him to change, but he just got all offended and refused to talk about it. I didn't bring it up while we were in the moment, I didn't accuse or anything, I said it in a loving and concerned way, but still, he didn't want to hear it.
I know that these are early warning signs of bigger problems, and I need help getting him to heed those signs. We have 3 sons, and I know he wants to be here with us, I just need help getting him to see this as a real problem. I know what I a have to do, I am going to do what I can to help the situation--trying to structure his meals and snacks (as much as I can), refuse to buy him cold drinks and snacks (he LOVES his Sprites), encourage more excercise and activity. I am willing make all these changes with him. I am just no longer going to help him kill himself.
I was hoping that I could get some help and advice from you all out there, if you are have diabetes or live with a diabetic as stubborn as my husband is. What worked for you or your loved one to make them take control of their health? At the very least, I want him to start checking his blood sugar. He thinks that he can tell when it is high or low. I am sure he can get an idea of it from the way he feels, but I think that he would have better control if he could see the numbers and the patterns. I just know that we are headed for a stroke or heart attack if he doesn't change. Please help!
Thanks!

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Hi and welcome to the board,
My name is Mary Frances and I am one of the community leaders for this board. I am a type 2 diabetic and a registered nurse. Any advise that I may give is not a substitute for seeking medical advise from a health care practitoner of your choice. I am also married to a type 2 diabetic.
I must tell you that I thought my husband was going to drive me crazy because he would take control of what was happening. If I didn't fix his meal he didn't know what or how much to eat. And then I was diagnosed diabetic and I had to take care of myself first. It was amazing what he knew and what he could take responsibility for!
You are doing what you can do and with your husband's family history you are making changes that will be better for your sons. You sons stand a huge chance of becoming diabetic unless they eat right, exercise and keep their weight as close to normal as possible.
Thank you for your reply and your support.
That is a good idea-the dietician--it is so easy to get stuck in making the same meals everyday. Plus, we are Louisianians-need I say more? One thing we love to do is cook and EAT. :-) I am hoping a dietician will help us with healthier versions of his favorites--and portion sizes. That is a huge problem (for both of us). I guess we are so used to everything being "supersized" that regular portions just don't look like enough food. :-) He needs to get healthier, though. He is only 30 years old and already has diabetes, high blood pressure and arthritis. But he was always so active until a few years ago--I guess you really never know.
Do you have any suggestions about a good book about Diabetes--Diabetes for Dummies or something like that? I really want to learn, but I am not sure where to start. I have been to the ADA website, but I would really like the information in book form, I don't know why but it is easier for me to read and absorb that way.
Thanks!
Hi and welcome to the board...
"He thinks that he can tell when it is high or low."
While it is true to some extent that someone might be able to tell if they are high or low, that ability is not always accurate nor is it necessarily permanent. Over time, the body loses the feel the highs and lows. It's kind of like if you rub your hand over something like an emory board over and over, at first it feels rough and scratchy but after a while, you cease to notice the roughness as much. Or, like hypothermia, you stop noticing the cold and don't react to it, in fact you might even feel warm and want to throw off jackets and blankets. So, too, eventually his body might not notice the situation and if it does, it might be the WRONG signal (signalling low instead of high for instance).
Maybe make it a 'wager' of sorts - two hours after a meal (or right before a meal or whatever) BET him that he can't guess his blood glucose to within 10 points (that's a pretty big range to work with actually if you go +/-). If he gets it right, he gets a bonus of some sort (NON-FOOD bonus) like maybe a trip to the sporting goods store for a new fishing lure or a long back rub or something (whatever he likes). If he gets it wrong, then no bonus (but no 'punishment' either - trying to make this a positive thing, not a thing to avoid). Either way, you can get it logged (most modern meters keep a record of the last so many test results).
As was noted, you can't MAKE him do anything but you can help him (replace favorite items with better options - there are tons of low carb options now - Tumaro's brand, as well as others, make really good low carb flour tortillas for instance). Yes, the huge helping of dirty rice (white rice and spices) will have to go BUT 1/2 cup of brown rice and seasonings ALONG with some baked or grilled catfish can work. Huge helpings of -anything- are pretty much out BUT you can eat 6 or 7 times per day instead - breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, mid day snack, dinner, evening snack before bed. That way it seems like you're always eating so you don't get so hungry. The key is to make each thing a small something since you're just going to be eating again in a couple hours. So, instead of a huge soup bowl of cereal, have a cup of cheerios with low fat milk, some crumbled pecans, and a small serving (like 1/4 cup) of cut up fresh berries maybe. You want to have COMPLEX carbs and pack in as much nutrition per carb as you can. All the 'white foods' pretty much are stripped bare of nutritional value. Just as you bargain shop at the store to get the biggest bang for your buck, so too you want to get the most nutritional bang for your carb buck.
If he's hypertensive then both not treating it and treating it with certain medications can cause erectile issues. That's something to discuss with his doctor (and since he's got a prescription, he'll have to see the doctor eventually to get it renewed) - it's possible to adjust medications to minimize that side effect (change meds, change dosage, etc).
Something to consider also - being told of a chronic lifelong potential killer like diabetes can lead to grieving - grief over the things that have changed, etc. If that gets ignored, then just as grief over a death that is ignored can fester, it can simmer and lead to other problems down the line. One of which (just a guess based on what you've said) is depression which is common with diabetes. Finding some outlet (counselor, doctor, etc) to express the anger, fear, etc in order to move forward is important. As you note, you were in denial together for a while. That's one of the steps of grieving - denial, bargaining, anger, etc. It sounds like you've moved on to acceptance but he hasn't been able to get there yet. You can't force him but at the same time you need to (a) be strong for your own self in making the changes in the household that are needed since your 3 boys are now at risk for diabetes and need to learn how to live a healthier lifestyle so they don't end up dealing with it (b) look for resources that can assist him, such as diabetes education and support groups perhaps (many hospitals run support groups for diabetics, it is helpful to have a community for support - that's why this board exists - thanks go out to all the long timers here!)
--Deb
Thank you, I will definitely check out those websites and that book. You all would be proud of me. Usually,
Thanks, the bonus idea is a good one. I am going to try that. Ahhhh, the things we have to do to get others to take care of themselves! Husbands! I swear I can't tell the difference between him and the kids sometimes.
So if I am understanding you all correctly, white bread, sugar, pasta and flour are out. As are big helpings, unless it is fresh veggies--am I right? Dirty rice is one of his favorite sides-how did you know?
Guess What!! There is a Diabetes for Dummies book. If you can't find it at your local bookstore, you can probably get it at Amazon.com. But do check out your local library because they also have books for diabetics and (at least mine does) cookbooks. I like the cookbooks put out by the ADA and by Joslin (which is part of Harvard University.) Look at Joslin at www.joslin.com. You can purchase cookbooks through both the ADA and Joslin websites.
We have recipes for many things in our recipe folder. They have all been contributed by the cooks on this board.
You asked about Diabetes for Dummies, and there is such a book by Alan L. Rubin, M.D.
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I was wondering why it was taking so long for my page to load; we were both posting about the 'Dummies' book at the same time!
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Thanks y'all!
They have a Dummies book for everything! I am going to get that and the Gretchen Becker book.
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