blame

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
blame
5
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 3:46pm
Do you find or have you found yourself at one time blaming yourself? About an hour or so after I posted last night a rush of blame came over me in regards to my UC! I know it is not my fault. Maybe that is the next step in these emotions? I just hate the fact that all of a sudden I now have this and have to take meds, etc. for a long, long time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jane09
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 2:03pm
Any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jane09
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 3:32pm

Jane wrote: Do you find or have you found yourself at one time blaming yourself? About an hour or so after I posted last night a rush of blame came over me in regards to my UC! I know it is not my fault. Maybe that is the next step in these emotions? I just hate the fact that all of a sudden I now have this and have to take meds, etc. for a long, long time.

Hi Jane -

I'll start off by saying that I'm not a good role model in helping someone overcome self blame. I'm big on taking responsibility for things - but there is a fine line between the two. I think that the healthy way is to take responsibility (if a person really is at fault), make a plan to remedy / treat / manage the situation and then move on. 'just let it go' as they like to say in self-help books. I don't know how you get to that point. I think I've been there from time to time - but end up back at square one during times of stress or flare up of illness.

I was dx w/ Lupus 15 yrs ago and to this day blame myself when I experience a flare of symptoms. It's so bad sometimes that I try to mask the fact that I"m in pain or exhausted just so that people won't ask 'what did you do to yourself'. I isolated myself for a number of years when I was having a lot of health problems - it was very lonely and not the best way to handle things. I didn't even tell my parents for at least 5 years of living with the diagnosis (they live an another province). I went thru chemo for lupus and to this day didn't tell my mom. Dad has since passed away - so I'm guessing he now knows ;)

I'm in the process of looking for a new job - and the fact that I have to vist one doctor or another just as a part of routine management of the disease has me stressed to no end. These are specialists - three and I see each every 3 months - so once a month I need either a morning or afternoon off for a Dr apt. They are specilists and only see patients at certain times - and are usually running behind so it's not a quick venture. Anyway - how do I bring this up with a new employer? Just another reminder of my health situation.

As far as my gallbladder situation goes -

It's a result of my poor eating habits, poor food choices, and poor management of little symptoms that likely could have lead to an early diagnosis. Had I been more aggressive earlier on with little things perhaps I'd have changed my eating habits and not be in the situation I am now.

On this past Thursday I went out for dinner and planned in advance to have a rich meal (well - it was an indulgence of enormous proportions based on my standards!) Applebee's chicken breast that had melted cheese on top, rice, veggies and hot apple-something with ice cream for desert. I had to run to the bathroom twice before leaving the restaurant - and have been very nauseated since. My own fault and I don't feel I have the right to complain about something I brought on myself.

I would never think that way about other people - just have abnormal expectations for my self and judge myself harshly.

I do apologize for not being up to date with the board - I haven't been following many of the newer posts and I'm not even sure what UC is.

Again - I'm not a good example of how to overcome this - but hope that you know you are not alone,

Hugs,
Jo

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: jane09
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 9:11pm
Jo,
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I work part-time now and am kinda leary about looking for full-time for one reason being I have a doc appt and it may not be good to miss work so early on. Thank you though for relating. I can in a sense understand how you feel. I'll be around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jane09
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 2:03pm

Jane,


Of course you are going to blame yourself.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: jane09
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 6:15pm

Will you be off of work-

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