blame
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blame
| Thu, 04-28-2005 - 3:46pm |
Do you find or have you found yourself at one time blaming yourself? About an hour or so after I posted last night a rush of blame came over me in regards to my UC! I know it is not my fault. Maybe that is the next step in these emotions? I just hate the fact that all of a sudden I now have this and have to take meds, etc. for a long, long time.

Jane wrote: Do you find or have you found yourself at one time blaming yourself? About an hour or so after I posted last night a rush of blame came over me in regards to my UC! I know it is not my fault. Maybe that is the next step in these emotions? I just hate the fact that all of a sudden I now have this and have to take meds, etc. for a long, long time.
Hi Jane -
I'll start off by saying that I'm not a good role model in helping someone overcome self blame. I'm big on taking responsibility for things - but there is a fine line between the two. I think that the healthy way is to take responsibility (if a person really is at fault), make a plan to remedy / treat / manage the situation and then move on. 'just let it go' as they like to say in self-help books. I don't know how you get to that point. I think I've been there from time to time - but end up back at square one during times of stress or flare up of illness.
I was dx w/ Lupus 15 yrs ago and to this day blame myself when I experience a flare of symptoms. It's so bad sometimes that I try to mask the fact that I"m in pain or exhausted just so that people won't ask 'what did you do to yourself'. I isolated myself for a number of years when I was having a lot of health problems - it was very lonely and not the best way to handle things. I didn't even tell my parents for at least 5 years of living with the diagnosis (they live an another province). I went thru chemo for lupus and to this day didn't tell my mom. Dad has since passed away - so I'm guessing he now knows ;)
I'm in the process of looking for a new job - and the fact that I have to vist one doctor or another just as a part of routine management of the disease has me stressed to no end. These are specialists - three and I see each every 3 months - so once a month I need either a morning or afternoon off for a Dr apt. They are specilists and only see patients at certain times - and are usually running behind so it's not a quick venture. Anyway - how do I bring this up with a new employer? Just another reminder of my health situation.
As far as my gallbladder situation goes -
It's a result of my poor eating habits, poor food choices, and poor management of little symptoms that likely could have lead to an early diagnosis. Had I been more aggressive earlier on with little things perhaps I'd have changed my eating habits and not be in the situation I am now.
On this past Thursday I went out for dinner and planned in advance to have a rich meal (well - it was an indulgence of enormous proportions based on my standards!) Applebee's chicken breast that had melted cheese on top, rice, veggies and hot apple-something with ice cream for desert. I had to run to the bathroom twice before leaving the restaurant - and have been very nauseated since. My own fault and I don't feel I have the right to complain about something I brought on myself.
I would never think that way about other people - just have abnormal expectations for my self and judge myself harshly.
I do apologize for not being up to date with the board - I haven't been following many of the newer posts and I'm not even sure what UC is.
Again - I'm not a good example of how to overcome this - but hope that you know you are not alone,
Hugs,
Jo
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I work part-time now and am kinda leary about looking for full-time for one reason being I have a doc appt and it may not be good to miss work so early on. Thank you though for relating. I can in a sense understand how you feel. I'll be around.
Jane,
Of course you are going to blame yourself.
Will you be off of work-