Do I tell my boss?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2003
Do I tell my boss?
8
Mon, 09-03-2007 - 6:43pm
After suffering a miscarriage on Mother's Day I think I am finally ready to start treatment again. I recently started a new job 3 months ago. Can my boss refuse to allow me to go to these appointments and do I have to disclose what the appointments are for? My last employer had more flexibility but having been at this place for 3 months I am not sure how to approach my male boss. The dr. that I am seeing does not have too much flexibility with early morning appts and his office is a good hour away from my job. At my last job I used some of my personal and sick time but having just started at this place I have not accrued much time. I've contemplated not working for a month or 2 so I don't have to sneak around my boss but that may be more stress without my income coming in. Not sure what to do?! I am tired of putting my needs on hold for a job!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 12:19pm
Its probably not legal for your boss to demand to know your medical situation (although I am not sure where you live). I suppose he could get upset about your taking off time for the appointments, but he will just have to deal with that. Most employees do have to take time off work, that is just life. Are you doing an IVF cycle? When I did mine, I had to take off about every 3 days for a sonogram - my dr's office was about a 45 minute drive from my work, so it was kind of difficult. Early morning blood tests - see if you can get there first thing in the morning, at my RE's office, it was first come, first serve.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 12:23pm
Also, if you do tell your boss about all this, beware that often, it opens up a pandora's box of nosy questions. It could even start office gossip. I did not tell anyone I worked with, until about a year later, and then I just told my immediate supervisor, after I got a feel for how she would deal with the information. There is still pregnancy discrimination that goes on in the workplace, too - employers can fire someone for being pregnant, or trying to get pregnant.
I'd just say you have a medical issue and leave it at that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 8:36pm

Hi,

I hear you on the stress. I have not told my boss. I work for a very micromanaged office and think of it as I have 3 male bosses. So they would never understand so I didn't mention it but I had to say something. I travel at least once a month and with having to be home for bw and u/s not saying something wasn't going to work. So I sat my boss down and said I have some medical things that I need to take care of and I do not plan on it interefering with my everyday responsibilities but most likely I could not travel for about 6 weeks (to not feel the pressure of having to be away). Since then I have found myself divulging slightly more details b/c now they ask ... how was the dr.s appt - which is awkward. So I clarified to one boss stating I'm having tests, every other day before work so they are going as smoothly as they could possibly go. They haven't asked me again.

It's really a call, if you feel comfortable enough saying it and whether or not you think they'd understand. I posed a similar question to the board "Balancing work and Fertility" on the IUI site. There were some people who offered their feedback and their choices on there that you may reference.

I hope this helps and good luck. Keep us posted on the outcome!
Celeste

Lilypie Expecting a baby PicLilypie Expecting a baby Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 9:25pm

I'm so sorry about your miscarriage.

Sara, mom of 1 year old twin boys
Avatar for courtbear
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 8:59pm

This definitely depends on your relationship with your boss -- I did tell my boss and he was very supportive -- he was new 1.5 years ago but I actually feel more comfortable with him then my previous boss -- He actually thanked me for telling him and also stated that I didn't have too -- He didn't want to know all the details on 'everything' I was going thru just as long as he knew when my appts would be -- I know he will not speak to anyone else in the office about it either -- he is someone who likes his personal stuff private just like me -- he did suggest that I do mention it to my HR Manager as well just to help qard off any co-workers from asking/complaining about my vacation usage and starting a fuss (plus I could also stress to HR how not having IF coverage sucks!!)

I work in a very gossip oriented office so my boss even vowed to deter any questions/comments he overhears -- Its not that I don't what my co-workers/friends to know but I don't know what the next step in medical help will be yet and just don't need the added stress/pressure or the unwelcomed out of the blue questions from people who just what the info to gossip about not to truly show support for me -- i think some would actually compete with each other to see you could start the gossip first!

Court

TTC#1 since May 2003
~^~ 5/12/05

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/48158

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 7:20am

welcomebear.gif image by karlaking


Hello and Welcome,


I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2007
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 9:43am
I'm in a little different position.

Debra-TTC after VR Sept 2006 ( VR failed )

1st IVF Cycle :  Nov 2007 - BFN

2nd IVF Cycle :  April 2008

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 11:24pm

Hi Debra,


I would definitely wait until after this IVF cycle to start a new job, if you have any control over when you start.

Remembering o