New and looking for some ideas

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
New and looking for some ideas
6
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 6:04pm

Hi, my name is Brigid and I am new here. I am hoping I am not violating any manners or ethics here ('cause that would be a heck of a way to introduce myself!).

Anyway, I'm having a question that I'm hoping some of you will have some ideas or encouraging things to throw my way. Basically, how do you not get totally messed up when others around you get pregnant and get pregnant easily?

Here's the short story. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for a while now - long enough that my end of this month annual visit is now going to be my, hey, while I'm here can you recommend some blood tests or an RE or a somthing, because we're moving out of the normal range here.

The same day I had a very tearful "I don't want something to be wrong but I think we have to get this checked out" conversation with my husband, I found out that an old friend was pregnant. And I felt happy for her, but of course, a little funny. The next day, I found out my sister who'd always said she didn't want children, was pregnant. And when I said, "Wow! What a happy surprise!," she told me that yes, it was a suprise because she'd only been trying two months. For some reason, this has really messed with my mind...

Which was followed by the party this weekend where we found out someone else we know is pregnant. Which is great, because she has PCOS and has been taking Clomid for a bit, so if we go down that road it should be a sign of encouragement, but it still feels funny. And then, thus begin the, "Brigid, you guys are next!" and "When are you having children?" questions. And then, I think I might be developing an anger problem on top of everything else.

I realize I'm at the beginning of the road, and quite frankly, I probably need to toughen up and act like a woman since there's no way to know what's to come. But, how do you deal with this? What helps you? Everything I feel doesn't make any intellectual sense. For example, I feel alone, but clearly I'm no the only person to deal with this. Or I feel like I've let my husband down, even though I know he loves me for the person I am, not the medical facts of my body. And he's told me that countless times over the last week. Logic doesn't seem to be working though.

How do you deal with these things? Is there anything you wish you knew back when you were new that you'd be willing to share?

Thanks - I hope I have not put the wrong sort of thing in the wrong sort of place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 8:47pm

Hey, I'm so sorry you're going through this rough time. I can only speak from my experience and tell you it gets better.... some days. Some days it's stinks.

Looking back the stage that you're going through was one of the toughest. I think it's coming to terms that you "think" you may need to see a RE, whats going on? why do people keep asking me? Why are people so rude? Does infertility etiquette exist?

A few things can help... i think.
1. Come up with a snappy come back on why you guys are having kids yet. Jsut make sure you and your DH are on the same page.
2. Come up with a plan. Are you going to see a RE? Are you just going to keep TTC on your own? Coming up with a game plan helped me feel like I had more control of what was going on, even though you really don't have control.
3. Find boards like this, this one is great. You will got a lot of support here.
4. I found a good book - "A few good eggs" by Julie Vargo & Maureen Regan. This spills alot of info and is kind of funny and real! I'm still readiung it, it's a little late for me to be reading it but I think it could of helped if I found this in the beginning on the what to expect part. Looking back it's pretty accurate.

Well, I hope this maybe helps, even a little. Good Luck and keep me posted.
Celeste
TTC #1, CD 7, on follistim and IUI to follow soon...

Lilypie Expecting a baby PicLilypie Expecting a baby Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 10:26pm
I am very much there with you. I am recently engaged, 25 and just (well 5 months ago, but denial is a nice phase) told I am unable to have kids. After 11 years of horrid pain I had surgery and found out I had endometriosis. At that time they also realized my uterus never fully developed. After seeing a fertily specialist I was also diagnosed with PCOS. So, here I am, 25 with most of my friends married with children/pregnant and everyone saying the same things to us that they are to you. What exactly is the polite way to tell someone you are infertile and can't have kids but thank you for reminding me that my internal clock is a ticking time bomb that won't get a fix? Sorry, this probably sounds so bitter. I really do wish you the best of luck. I hope you find a very helpful and understanding doctor and that you do not endure this for too long. Sorry to unload....it feels a little empty on this side of the female species.
~Sara
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-1999
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 12:06am

First off, I want to say


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


I think every single one of us has struggled with this kind of thing at one time or another.

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 8:43pm
Hi & Welcome! I am sorry that you have to go through all this. I understand how you feel about others getting preg. easily. It is so unfair! I deal with it by keeping to myself somewhat (I am 36 & most people that age seem to have families) & just hanging out with supportive people like my DH & a few close friends. Going to this board helps also. I also started seeing a counselor last year because I was having a real hard time coping. I try to keep busy & focus on other things too like my job & getting lost in a book or dvd.

I have been seeing an RE since last July. I have unexplained infertility. I am so glad I went though because at least I feel like I am doing the best I can. I have had 3 IUI's with Clomid & 3 IUI's with Follistem. Now I am starting a cycle of IVF. I am nervous yet hopeful!

Hugs & good luck! Marisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 7:33am

hellokittywelcome.gif picture by karlaking


Hello Brigid and Welcome!!


First I want to say that I'm so sorry to hear that you are having TTC issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 4:20pm

Hi Brigid,

I'm new here too, so hello to everyone. :) I've been posting on a ttc message board on another site for about a year, but all except one other woman is now pg, so I feel sort of left behind from my support group. And lately I've started posting on the IUI message board here, so hello to anyone I already know.

I just wanted to say that I have felt all those feelings too. I was one of the first of my close friends to start ttc. Now many of them are and it's so hard to watch them and know that they will probably have their children before I even get pg. I'm definitely happy when I find out someone is pg, especially if I know they've been going through IF treatments. But every time, hearing that someone else is pg just reminds me that I'm not. And that makes me sad, and jealous, and all those other feelings that I feel guilty having.

I wish you all the best with your journey and that a visit to the RE will help get you started on the path to that ever elusive BFP. :)

Reba

Remembering o