Thursday's Thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Thursday's Thoughts
11
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 8:06am

Sometimes I just need to say things and put them out in the universe to make me feel better.  Other times, I don't want anyone to know what lurks deep within me.  So I'm putting some thoughts out there, things that I have thought, or heard from someone else, or that have been suggested to me.  Remember, this is a very personal journey for everyone, I'm not here to judge you, and I certainly hope that none of you are here to judge me. I just like to hear other's perspectives.


**If the choice was yours, and yours alone, what measures would you go to to have a biological child?


**Do you feel "pressure" from your spouse to keep trying?


**What's more important to you, having a child or being pregnant?


**Do you feel pressure from family and friends to pursue one option or another?


**Do you ever just think that it's not worth continuing with treatments anymore?


I know this is a little deeper than the past couple of days.  But as I said, these are questions that have come to be, or been brought to me by people in my life.  Have a happy day!







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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 9:44am

Karla I am glad we are discussing the deep stuff I need it today.


Tiffany :)

Proud Fur Mom to Snah, Zamboni, Coen, Marvin, Bartlebee, Solomander, Mr. Kitty, & NaeNae

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 12:09pm

**If the choice was yours, and yours alone, what measures would you go to to have a biological child?


If money was no object I would go as far as medically safe without ruining my relationship with my husband and my own mental health.


**Do you feel "pressure" from your spouse to keep trying?


Not at all from day one he has been supportive and caring - He said that we will be okay and maybe we will adopt if the treatments turn out unsuccessful.


**What's more important to you, having a child or being pregnant?


Having a child - I love kids, I was a teacher for 7 years and I loved every single day of it - I always thought of them as "mine" because I had them more time during the day than their parents. I don't really care how we have a child, being pregnant would be nice but adoption is a very special process and it creates a family too.


**Do you feel pressure from family and friends to pursue one option or another?


Our family and friends are good - with the exception of one person and I try to stay away from the issue with her

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 1:14pm

**If the choice was yours, and yours alone, what measures would you go to to have a biological child? I would do anything that it takes to have a bio. child. My DH was adopted and he want to have a bio. child

**Do you feel "pressure" from your spouse to keep trying? I think I am the one who needs to have this happen more then him or so he says. He get as discouraged as I do ever time it does not work.

**What's more important to you, having a child or being pregnant? I really need to be pregnant. I would love to have another child, but I really feel the need to have that child growing inside of me and feel them move and grow.

**Do you feel pressure from family and friends to pursue one option or another? We have not told our family that we are going though this in order not to feel that pressure. The friends that do know are usually supportive of what ever choice we make. They mostly just want it to work for us so that we can be happy with no regrets.

**Do you ever just think that it's not worth continuing with treatments anymore? No, to me there is nothing more important than getting pregnant. Our only obstacle is money and we will do what ever we have to make that happen as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 3:40pm

**If the choice was yours, and yours alone, what measures would you go to to have a biological child? I've done what I could to have a bio child & it didn't work.


**Do you feel "pressure" from your spouse to keep trying? He got it from me towards the end especially right before I decided we should adopt. I wanted to pursue IVF but in the end chose not because we could only do it once.


**What's more important to you, having a child or being pregnant? Definitely having a child. While right now I still occassionally grieve not being able to get pregnant because I do feel like I'm missing one of lifes greatest joys I feel that having children is more important bio or not I will be their mom.


**Do you feel pressure from family and friends to pursue one option or another? I felt none at all. My family & friends are super supportive. I lucked out that way.


**Do you ever just think that it's not worth continuing with treatments anymore? It wasn't worth continuing treatments when I realized that all DH & I had was one chance at IVF & if it failed then we would not have had the money to pursue adoption. I finally realized that I was not willing to risk going through a procedure like that

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 6:10pm

It's good to delve deeper into our personal and deepest desires.

              Ashley

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-1999
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 7:55pm

**If the choice was yours, and yours alone, what measures would you go to to have a biological child?


If you mean regardless of money, I don't think I would ever stop trying to have a biological child.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 8:36pm

**If the choice was yours, and yours alone, what measures would you go to to have a biological child?


I would stop now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 02-21-2008 - 9:19pm
It is such an emotional rollercoaster without any effect of meds getting into the mix.

              Ashley

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Fri, 02-22-2008 - 12:31am

Wow, what a thought-provoking and much needed (for me!) post. Thank you.

**If the choice was yours, and yours alone, what measures would you go to to have a biological child?

I have never felt that the choice is mine and mine alone, nor would I want it to be. I waited to even try till I was into my 30s because I very much wanted a partner to be a part of it. As to what measures we would go, 2 rounds of IVF and as many FETs as we can get out of those, and maybe sperm donor w/IUI if they don't work out. But there is an end in sight for me. I can't keep doing this year after year. If it doesn't happen by the end of this year, I'm stopping--we're stopping. It's like having a wound that never gets to heal over--you rip the scar off each and every month and it hurts and bleeds all over again.

**Do you feel "pressure" from your spouse to keep trying?

No; quite the opposite. In the beginning he was actually not so into having a child at all--more neutral, really. But now that I've spent so much time talking it up and teaching him about child development, he's excited to have the opportunity to pass his knowledge to our offspring.

**What's more important to you, having a child or being pregnant?

This may be one of those answers that changes as the process evolves, but for now being pregnant is more important and has been from the beginning. I come from a family with several adoptions, and I know that there can be a lot of issues around it. Then there is the fact that for me, the entire definition of womanhood has ALWAYS been the power to create, to reproduce. I am a staunch feminist, and I've always taken a great deal of power from that concept. Now that I find myself unable to tap that power, it has put me on some shaky ground in terms of accepting myself as a woman. What is my definition now? How do I connect to my femininity? I don't have those answers, but the questions pursue me less now than they did a year ago. And finally, as horrible as it is to say, I wonder if adopting a child will end up being a constant reminder for life of how I failed to be pregnant, how I failed as a woman. I know you are absolutely NOT supposed to think or say that, but when I accept a child into my heart and life, I have to know that it is without conditions. And at this stage I'm not sure I could do that. How would it affect that child if there was always that unspoken failure between us? Would it be there at all, would it fade over time? Again, I don't know, and I'm wary to adopt until I resolve that.

**Do you feel pressure from family and friends to pursue one option or another?

I think people just sort of expect us to adopt if we can't get pregnant. I...don't think they should do that. I definitely don't think I need to explain any choice I make to anyone (aside from DH, of course, who is a part of all this). But I think they would want one!

**Do you ever just think that it's not worth continuing with treatments anymore?

Absolutely. It is draining on mind, body, and soul. When I finally determined an end point to all of this, it did a great deal to improve my psyche. I'm not good with feeling out of control and not knowing when something is going to end. Making a time limit on this helped me feel more in control of my life and my body, and reduced a great deal of stress for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Sat, 02-23-2008 - 1:13pm

**If the choice was yours, and yours alone, what measures would you go to to have a biological child?


You mean if money was no object???

 


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