Finally Yearning

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2008
Finally Yearning
3
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 4:12am
I'm new here and just needed to be around people who understand. I'm 37 & DH is 42. Been happily married over 7 years. Had mc in 03 and never gotten pg again since. I've put my education and career first and always thought that I have plenty of time. Just had a failed IVF and waiting for my 2nd appt in May. Though I've always manage to stay positive and not resentful, it is getting harder each day. There's so much "what if" that is going through my mind. I've never been one who feel that my biological clock will ever tick loud enough and now, I feel such a sense of lost and not knowing how far I should invest in this. As the yearning grows, the sense of helplessness increases. I really don't know where to go from here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
In reply to: pukuluku
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 1:55pm

Hi Pukuluku. Welcome to the board. So sorry to hear about your mc. I've suffered a pg loss as well as infertility and I know how difficult it is. I know what you mean about staying positive - I am usually a very positive person too but now that we keep going through so many struggles to become parents that optimism has taken a definite turn for the worse. As far as where do you go from here, of course nobody can tell you that, that's a personal decision for you and dh. At times my dh and I will bring up the option of never having any children (living) and I just cannot accept that for our future. It seems too bleak for me to accept that. But everyone has different needs... I hope you find the right answer for you and your dh. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I've felt that yearning and helplessness too.

Take care,

Sara, mom of 1 year old twin boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
In reply to: pukuluku
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 1:00am

Hello and Welcome!


I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I can imagine how difficult that must be for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
In reply to: pukuluku
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 3:04am

I wanted to echo what the others have said; it's a litany of suffering and grief and loss and there is no one right answer.

I'll be 37 this year (DH will be 45), and I also put education and career and travel first, because I didn't want to feel that I hadn't done something because of a kid. (Guess whose parents were both in high school when she was conceived!) Now I find myself wondering if we'd just started earlier would it have happened, blah blah blah. I've also had a failed IVF and one FET, as well as a couple of IUIs and other interventions. It's been almost 3 years TTC for us. There have been a lot of what ifs, a lot of I-can't-plan-that-trip-this-far-ahead. Fair amount of depression, too.

Each woman makes a unique choice as to what she wants to do next with her partner (or sometimes alone). This is a nice board to sift through to see what others are facing, how they're dealing with all of this.

I wish you the best and welcome you!

kris