New infertille and really hurting

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
New infertille and really hurting
2
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 5:36pm

Im sorry for the rant but i really need to get this off my chest. I had a really complicated eptopic pregnancy 4yr ago and they found out my right fallopian tube was too narrow at the end which caused the pregnancy to die. During my oppirations they opened the tube to fix it and told me that both tubes are now fine and there was no reason i should'nt be able to concieve again. It has now been nearly 4yr and we are still not pregnant, ive been back and forwards to hospital and doctors getting tests etc and they cant find out the problem they know my husband is fit and healthy as he's had a sperm count to prove it.


Im so sick of bieng passed around and the doctors not knowing what the problem is makes thing's worse coz they cant fix it if they dont know what the problem is!.Bieng honest the emotional side of doing this and constantly having to go through the same test's that go no where have made me loose hope on ever bieng able to concieve, they found out the beggining of last year ive got a underactive thyroid which ive been on daily medication for ever since.


The thing is, myself and husband want children so badly it's a constant pain that will never go away, it hurt's so much to not be able to give him a family aswell as myself feeling like a mother without her child.Im constantly reminded everyday of what il never have. We love kid's and they love us were the first to get asked to babysit by friend's because the kid's love us. I just feel so usless and ive a scar from my opp that reminds me daily of what could have been. I hate my body, ive prayed, wished and hoped that there would be a glimmer of hope but nothing, why me when we want children so much, why couldnt it have been someone who dosent want children how come they are alway's the ones blessed and dont realize how lucky they are.


I want so badly to be able to have a family and i dont want to live my life with out one. Were thinking of adoption to be able to give a child a loving home would be an amazing thing and the most wonderful gift to us but the process is a long, emotional and finantual one. I really wish someone would come along one day with a beautiful baby and say would you look after him or her but i know in reallity it would never happen, just like in the movie's when you'd open your door to this basket with a crying bundle of joy on your door step, if only that could happen to us. x


 

 xx I love my sexy soldier! xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 8:21pm

Wow...reading about the emotional aspect of your experience sounds exactly like how I feel!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 1:46am

(((((((HUGS)))))

I'm so sorry you're going though all this.

If you are a Christian, and good infertility support site is www.hannahsprayer.org. They even have a real-life retreat. It has provided alot of support to me.