New here & need advice if Im infertile?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
New here & need advice if Im infertile?
7
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 2:57pm

Hi all,


I am new here and I am confused lately about all of this.  I am 32 and my DH is 36, married for 8 years.  We M/C 1 year into marriage, I was 25 and I had an abortion at 12 weeks @ age 15.  WOW!  I am just now admitting that.  Still feels weird. 


Anyways, we have tried off & on, a month here a month there.  Like about 6 months total spaced out about 6 years.  Nothing has happened and I was wondering if infertility is something I should think about talking to a dr.?  Now, I am getting older and worried about that too? 


We arent actively trying now.  I need 2 surgeries but after we will.  I have had cortizone injections for a health matter and I know that makes me infertile, but i had an ovarian ultrasound & was told things are fine.  But if things were fine, wouldnt I have been pregnant by now.  FYI, we have practiced NFP so I have always been very aware of my cycle.  Its not that I dont know whats going on.  I have  a very regular cycle: menstruating and ovulation very regular.  Good luteal phase length.  BUt then why havent i become PG? people just say its a timing thing........


So, any thoughts?  My BF was dealing with infertility and I feel that she wanted me to be too.  I know that sounds bad but that is howI felt from her.  NOw shes PG and of course my fertilty is fine.  It just seems like a big damn contest all of the time and now I feel like i am worrying.  Should I see a specailist?  Please, any advie is greatly appreciated.


Thanks,

~C

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 7:36pm

Hi Chrissy,


It sounds like you have not been trying for that long. What has your doctor said about your overall fertility? Have you and your DH had full physicals? Try not to use the word "infertile" unless you have actually been diagnosed at such. It's such a difficult word to deal with, and it sounds so final. I personally prefer the term reproductively challenged. I don't believe I am barren, and I don't believe any of the women on this board are hopeless case. We wouldn't be blogging if we were. All of us have hope, and you should too.


I TOTALLY relate to the feeling that everyone's competing about having kids. I told my own BF I was trying and before I did, she kept saying she wasn't ready to have kids, but after telling her we were trying, she was like, "Oh, I should start trying to", which really annoyed me because she knows and I know that she is not ready (she is struggling with depression, is taking a strong battalion of drugs for that,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 8:11pm

thanks for the repsonse.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 8:40pm

Yes, one day at a time!


Have you asked for clarification as to what "temporarily infertile" means? A few months? More than that? Less than that? Then you can act accordingly. Also remember that at 32, you are young. I am going on 34 next month and my doctor said I am young. Hopefully it will be ok. I live in NYC, and do you know that 15% of first time births at NY Hospital are for women over 40? I hope that makes you feel hopeful - it does me.


We can and we will!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 12:40am

Hello and Welcome!


I personally want to start by saying that you are very brave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 3:20am

Hey, C!

I don't know that I would use the word infertile for you, either, at this time. I think the definition of infertile is TTC for one year without a pregnancy if you are under 35, and for 6 months if you are over 35.

Since you have conceived in the past, and your periods are regular, you are two up! It also sounds like you're not really ready to start trying at this time, as you want to deal with your other surgeries first. Definitely get those out of the way, as it will help you feel better when you do decide to actively try again. Stress is not our friend.

One thing you might consider is having your partner tested in the meantime. It's a painless procedure for him, and if everything is normal on his end that will be a relief. On the other hand, if there are any issues maybe he can start working on those while you're still working through your surgeries. That might save time.

And speaking of DH, how is he with all of this? Be sure to talk with him about the baby-making thing, as he is half the equation!

As for you BF, it's all hard when one person wants a life change and the other doesn't or can't have it. Talking with her openly and honestly is probably the best thing to do, so there are no big ugly secrets lying in wait for you later. I've been with my BF for 20 years now, and we have had our issues during that time. But I couldn't get through my day without knowing that I have her love and support through the good and the bad.

Best of luck to you!

kris

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 12:16pm

hi kris & everyone,


Thanks for the encouraging words!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 1:43pm