another failed month
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| Fri, 04-04-2008 - 3:43pm |
Hi all,
Just wanted to vent. Just got the call from the clinic, 3rd failed IUI.
I guess we will do the 4th IUI and see what to do after that, if there is an after. I just don't want to do a 4th. I'm tired of the disappointment, of the sadness every month that doesn't work. My opinion varies between trying to keep optimistic and thinking that this must be fate, maybe we aren't meant to be parents.
I feel so sad, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle the grief of every month. I wonder if it would be better to stop trying, grieve once, and get it over with.
Sorry, such a downer. I just don't know what to do with how I feel. I want to stop crying, can't seem to right now.
Thanks for listening, hope you all are doing ok out there.
Lisa

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Hi Lisa,
I know how you feel...I took a pregnancy test about 20 minutes ago and it was negative and the first thing I did was come to this board. Ok, the first thing I did was CRY, but then I came to this board. The women here are super supportive and caring. And I want you to know that I am thinking of you and sending you my best thoughts...even though you are a total stranger. Because I know how you feel. I know the pain. I know the frustration, the anxiety, the hopelessness, and the fear. But don't give up, ok? Never ever give up! The women on this board are proof that eventually it can happen. Check out the Grads section - it always cheers me up a bit.
Write to me anytime. I feel very sad myself right now, so you are not alone. Maybe we can cheer each other up.
Caren (wifeofalex)
lisa
i am so sorry about your bfn, i know exactly
oh lisa, i am so sorry.
Caren,
Oh my... we are really in this together, huh? I'm sorry about your test. It really do stink.
I just spent the last day or so crying. I think that every month gets worse for me. I met with some women today, to plan the bridal shower for a friend. ONe of the women is pregnant, but she was good enough to not comment on it. One of the women there, however, made some comment about the bachelorette party and how we should plan it in stages, so that some people could leave earlier if they wanted to. She mentioned how there are about 3 of the women invited who are pregnant and indicated me saying, "you are trying, right?".
I said, not all that graciously I admit, "Oh, I seriously doubt I will be pregnant. Nothing has worked so far..." That got a quiet room.
Anyway, I think that I am going to call my RE on monday morning. I don't think that I should bother with another IUI. I want to go to IVF, as I feel like I am wasting time and money on the IUI's. The odds are much better with IVF
Arghh...
Thank you Nicolle,
I find this site really supportive as well, I feel like I can say what I need to say, and I don't have to explain myself. That is a nice change from the normal of the day.
I will try to stay positive, no promises...
Chrissy,
It sounds like you have a lot of faith, that must help you through all this. I have never considered myself to be a religious person (beyond a phase when I was younger) and I have never really felt that I was missing something without religion in my life. I do wonder, with all this though, if religious people get through it all more gracefully. Having the sense that there is a larger good helps, and I normally have that about things that happen in life (even the things that happen to me, actually). With this, however, it's not really working. I'm not sure what to do about it.
My sister in law had a baby this morning. I found this out and then went to meet with a bunch of women, one of whom is pregnant. It was not my finest day, I admit. She made a comment about not working on weekends, that weekends are her own, to relax or go away. I commented that I envied her ability to have that perspective. I said that I tend to be restricted by doctors appointments. (I think I must have had a tone, she got quiet.)
I'm sorry that you have to deal with all the surgeries and the loss of control in your own way. It's true, there are always opportunities and it's
Hi Lisa,
I have not tried any fertility treatments yet so I can share my own experiences with iui or anything else. I think you know yourself best and if you think it's time for IVF, then go for it. I wish you all the luck in the world.
To answer your question, I live in New York City. I did have a really fun day today, except for my depressed mood.
((Hugs to you))
Lisa, I'm so sorry.
Oh Caren,
Your words make so much sense. I could probably write only "yes, I agree" and that would sum it up.
Saying that you had a good day, except for feeling depressed. I used to see those ads on TV for depression and never got it. I believed it, but I didn't understand it. Now, sadly, I do. I'm glad that you and DH got to get out. I do know that NY has all that, I grew up in CT and we used to go into the city all the time for shows, etc with my family. The gardens are beautiful, such a good idea for you to go. I am constantly looking for way to cheer myself up. Today has been harder, the weather is terrible. We had plans to spend the day outside, then we woke up and it was pouring, had been all night. oh well, so much for that.
As for the insomnia, I understand that too. It doesn't happen often, but when it hits it hits hard. I either sleep like the dead or I spend hours trying to sleep. One night I didn't fall asleep until 3:30am. Not good for the work day after, I assure you.
Did I tell you that my sister in law had her second baby yesterday? It's hard to be angry, as she had to IVF for both, and dealt with a miscarriage as well. So, I am happy for them, but sad for us. Sounds so selfish.
Anyway, I am off... I was thinking, does everyone see these emails or just us? If it's just us, how do you feel about exchanging personal emails?
Lisa
Thanks for writing back!
Yes, everybody can read these e-mails. I would love to exchange e-mails, but by doing so it will be public and I'm a little afraid to broadcast it all over the internet. But in a way, maybe it's good for "lurkers" to read what we are saying on a public forum because we're all more or less feeling the same stuff, aren't
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