Need to vent about my mother

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Need to vent about my mother
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Wed, 08-06-2008 - 5:09pm

So...I am driving to Pilates class last night and chatting with my mother during the drive.  (I find it easier to multi-task with the hands free earpiece so I can accomplish something during the 45 minute drive from work besides just surviving the commute.)  For some reason, my mother goes off on this tangent about how there were always those sad old women in the neighborhood when she was growing up that people would whisper about because their husbands have died and they (wait for the hushed tone) couldn't have children, adding that it was always assumed to be the woman's fault.  To make it that much worse, she started going on about how historically husbands have divorced or marginalized wives that could not have children and married the newer younger model.


I was just floored.  I'm her child and I'm the one with the major fertility issues and this is a discussion I want to have with Mom who, I thought, is supposed to be supportive and make me feel better during difficult times.  What the heck was that about?  Needless to say, I cut short the conversation.  Mom asked if I was going to hang up on her, I said yes and clicked the end button.  She left a sad little voicemail a while ago apologizing if she had said something insensitive.  From the tone, I don't think she realized that her topics of conversation were hurtful to me. 


Heck, I've even had the conversation with DH that he should apparently trade me in for an even younger model (i'm 15 years younger than him) so he could find someone who could actually reproduce.  Thankfully, he reminded me that was a stupid idea.  Not sure if I'm going to call Mom during today's drive or let her stew for another day and try to figure out why I'm annoyed.  And I'm heading to me new RE in the morning and was actually starting to feel a little positive since I will get someone else's opinion besides the annoying RE. 


Thanks for the venting time!

 

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Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Wed, 08-06-2008 - 6:30pm

(((HUGS)))

  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Wed, 08-06-2008 - 8:53pm

*hugs* That was so insensitive of her. You have every right to be upset. If I were in your shoes, I'd let her stew and wait for her to call you back to sincerely appologize. If she doesn't call in a few days, I'd call her and lay it out straight why that hurt (if you can figure it out, that is) and what you find supportive or not. If you have an open communication with her it might lead to more support in the future.


Here's hoping,


Erin

Erin & Ryan Sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Wed, 08-06-2008 - 10:55pm

Thanks for the support.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 1:48am

Wow. That was bad. I'm so sorry she was that blaringly insensitive to you.

I have a similar story, although not nearly that bad. My father and I were watching the news, and gay marriage was high on the agenda that day. Now, he and I have VERY different political views and always have. In fact, we're not close at all and I actually only see him like every 5 or 6 years.

Anyway, we're watching these stories and he mutters under his breath, "They can't reproduce. They don't deserve to be married." To which I replied, "Well, dad, neither can we. Does that mean John and I shouldn't be married???" A very short conversation ensued and the topic has not been broached since.

I know different people have different views on that whole topic, but of all the arguments to come out of his mouth, he chooses THAT one???

Parents. Let us hope if we are fortunate enough to become one, we will endeavor to be a little more sensitive!!

GL to you. Take care,
kris

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 9:47am

kris,


It's kind of odd that he would choose that argument, but then again, I have a gay friend who jokingly calls straight people "breeders." I've always thought it was rather funny, but lately not so.


Erin

Erin & Ryan Sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2008
Thu, 08-07-2008 - 12:26pm

Sounds like my mother.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Fri, 08-08-2008 - 9:48pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Fri, 08-08-2008 - 9:59pm

Allison, I hear you on the "mothers taking out their 'mistakes' on the daughters" thing. My mom got married at 21 to my dad, who had only ever dated my mother. My dad hadn't "gotten a taste of life" before settling down and ended up cheating on my mom, leading to their divorce. Thus, my whole life I've heard, "You're a strong woman with a brain. You don't need a man to depend on or drag you down."


I started dating my DH when we were 16 and I was only his 2nd GF.

Erin & Ryan Sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2008
Fri, 08-08-2008 - 11:38pm

Erin,


Thanks for your perspective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Thu, 08-14-2008 - 8:52am

Isabel -


Could it be that she was trying to make sure that you're not going to give up and that maybe

Christine

TTC since 2004 Me (33) DH (39)   MFI DX April 2008 

IVF-icsi #1 May 2008-July2008 - BFN!&nbs

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