feeling pretty low and angry!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2008
feeling pretty low and angry!
9
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 6:55pm

so I had my RE appt today and what a nightmare it was! First of all, let me start by saying that I live around "one of the best medical centers in the country" I posiTUTEly disagree for this reason: when I MC last year, I went into that ER and told them that I was 16 weeks and I was bleeding and cramping VERY badly (contractions) I sat there for 4 HOURS!!!! bleeding all over myself, on the floor on all fours to ease the pain, before DH flipped out and rushed me to another hospital where they treated my MC with the seriousness that it deserved! With that said, I find myself back there b/c DH has gotten a new job since then and his insurance will only cover THIS RE. OH and it's a teaching hospital. GAAAAAAA! So when I get there they inform me that I'm going to need an in utero ultra sound and a pelvic, I told them that I don't think that such a good idea b/c I have a feeling I"m preggers. I told them that I wanted to discuss my HSG since I had tons of questions and see what my steps were after that. They say NO, let's have you take a urine preg test. Tried as I could, I told them I still had 1 week and 3/4 to wait before I was going to POAS. (thinking, I haven't physed myself up for a BFN) and yup you guessed it... BFN. Well needless to say I was devastated and crying hysterically (that poor resident). ON TOP OF ALL OF THIS, because my PCP and RE are in different counties I have to RE-TEST for alot of things that I JUST tested for. I mean really, how hard is it to call the PCP and get them to fax over the same things. I tell the RE this and she says, "well I want to see it for myself". I'm thinking, you're seeing it right there in my chart, the results from my progesterone test, DH's SA, and my HSG. Still not good enough. On the bright side, I harnessed the power of my pretty rude neighbor (b/c I myself have a hard time doing so) and was very clear about not having another HSG, I told it was simply too painful to do again a month later. So she settled for me going to pick up the films from the hospital and bringing them to her, which is something that I volunteered to do BEFORE I went there and she told me it wasn't necessary. So I'm done with her and I go down stairs for yet ANOTHER progesterone test. while I'm waiting I HAD to flip through an old People Magazine and what do I see? THE MAN THAT'S PREGNANT, you've heard that story, the man that was born a woman, lives as a man and is pregnant. Again, I start crying hysterically, b/c this is a man that was born a woman, then starts taking TESTOSTERONE to become a man and he can get pregnant just like that. I, on the other hand, am fine being a woman, never had the desire to be a man, and yet, here I am, IF. I'm just so frustrated, I simply wasn't ready for a BFN, I was banking on that 2ww, and I feel like they forced me to do something I just wasn't ready to do. ON TOP OF THAT, I feel like a bit of a hypocrite, telling poor Melinda just this morning (in much the same situation) to keep her head up. Yet, I can't listen to my own advise. Maybe if I POAS as scheduled, the result will be different, but that hope is gone now, they've literally taken that from me in one foul swoop.

I do feel blessed, however, that first of all I have the MIL that I have. I'm going over there now b/c she offers me so much comfort. And secondly, this RE is not pushing for IVF. I made it clear that I wanted that to be our last ditch effort, and she completely agreed. I read about some of you ladies whose RE's want to go straight for the IVF to pocket the $12,000. That's not fair and it very much saddens me.
I just thought I'd end the bad with some good. I still don't feel good, but I have to count my blessings!

wedding2-1.jpg picture by Sbaltozer


 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 7:23pm

((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))! I totally, totally feel for you. I would be as angry as you are if it were me, and as upset as you are about the BFN. Are you sure that the BFN is final? Isn't it early for urine? Blood would probably confirm it, but urine more than a week before af is due????


You should NOT have to redo all those tests.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 9:16pm

(((HUGS))) I had the same thing happen when I went to see my OB in Feb.

  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2008
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 9:40pm

Thank you so much for the support, Caren and Susan! Actually I'm around Hershey, PA the Penn State Medical School. The PR for this hospital is incredible, but talking to people that have gone there, not many people have much nice to say.

My PCP actually told me that exact same statistic and that does make me a little hopeful, but in the back of my mind I'm always thinking that someone has to be that 10% and that just might be me. On the other hand, YES it was way too early to do a urine test and I didn't want to believe them, but like I said, I feel like they've ripped that hope away from me. I don't even feel like POAS in a few weeks. MAYBE I'd feel different if it was a blood test, but a urine test, COME ON!

I've now learned to take a book into the Dr office. NO MORE PEOPLE MAGAZINE!

wedding2-1.jpg picture by Sbaltozer


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 10:12pm

*hugs* Roman.


It seems that every hospital that gets good PR really isn't that great and the ones that get a bad rap are really good. The hospital in the county where I grew up got the best PR but my experiences there were less than pleasing. Once I went in for a migraine headache that was so bad that I was vomiting and I couldn't see or function in the least. what do they do? They put me in

Erin & Ryan Sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 10:01am

OMG, once again Erin, you are a genius! I never even thought to take MIL to my appts. That is perfect, she is VERY outspoken and will definately say what's on her mind. So all I'd have to do is give her a look and she'd be on that RE like white on rice to make me comfortable.


I actually forgot to mention this! I'm crying when they told me about the BFN, and (as most dr do) she was very "matter-of-fact" about it. So I'm telling her that I'm so distraut over this that my IF support is DEFINATELY going to hear about this. No sooner did those words come out of my mouth did she change her TUDE from medical to empathetic! I guess it turns out that there is a IF support group in Hershey that meets in person once a week and she thought I was talking about them. HA HA! She didn't want me bad mouthing the medical center and maybe loose some "customers" if ya know what I mean?!?

wedding2-1.jpg picture by Sbaltozer


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 12:04pm
LOL, that is great Roman!
  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 12:08pm
AWWWW SUSAN! you're too sweet, let me know if your school is looking for a french teacher without a teaching certificate, and I'll be right there! HA HA HA!

wedding2-1.jpg picture by Sbaltozer


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 12:11pm
Nope but we do have 2 opening as of this morning one for 1st grade and one for 2nd grade :0) any takers
  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 4:40pm

(((HUGS)))

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility