I think TTC is over

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
I think TTC is over
8
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 3:53pm

We saw Dr. P today. He usually walks in with a cheery face, saying hello, etc... This time he walked in looking totally puzzled - not at all his normal self. He sat down and asked what has been happening. I told him about the last few days (pain, then worse pain, then percocet, then percocet not working, then ER...). After lots of "hmm's" and sighs, he said, "Karen, its most likely adhesions and a reccurance of endometriosis." He mentioned an MRI, but said if the CT didn't show anything (no mass, no endometrioma on an ovary, etc..), chances are it would be a very expensive test that wouldn't show anything. He also mentioned Lupron, but at this point, its counter-active and would just set me back, so there's really no point in doing that. He doesn't want to take me back into surgery since I had such a a big one 6 months ago (6 months today, go figure). But if this is whats going, then he'll probably have to...most likely starting laparoscopically in my upper left quardron (since my abdomen is so frickin' messed up)...IF he can see well enough to do anything about it, then he will. But chances are, he'd have to open me up and do a laparotomy (3rd in 5 yrs). He told me that we could go ahead with this cycle and if it doesn't work, try switching to Femara next cycle. Although when I questioned him about the suppression of estrogen and my concern over my low level last cycle, he said, "We'll have to find ways to work around that." Great. Anyway, he made some comment like, "I would love to see you get pregnant..." but then didn't finish. I knew what he meant. I told him I am at this emotional crossrsoad of wondering if all of this is really worth it. He told me that was a very valid feeling and I had every right to feel that way. So, for right now, he is calling Dr. S (the guy who headed up my surgery in PA) to get his opinion, then he'll let me know. I see him next Friday for an u/s to check follies. I suppose we'll talk more then.

After he left the room, I broke down in tears. B & I got into the car and I said, "So basically what I heard was that I'll need surgery and that we should probably just stop trying." He told me he didn't know what to say. I asked again if he could confirm what I heard, and he said, "Yeah. I guess I had to hear it for myself to know we're making the right choice." OH God, thats when I really lost it. To know that HE knows we should stop.

(sorry - crying)

I don't know what to do. I feel like the dream of having our own child just officially got ripped out of me. I have wanted to adopt for a long time now, and I know we'll be parents. But its knowing that we probably won't ever have one of our own that just breaks my heart into pieces.

I have to go. Just wanted to give you the update.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 5:12pm

dear karen,

(((hugs))) i am so sorry that you're going through this hell. my IF has made me completely heartbroken and sad. i used to like going to RE's office since i felt we were going forward, but these days it's just the place where we get more and more bad news, as our "best case scenario" gets knocked down. please know that i (and the others here) support you and feel with you.

best,

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days. 2nd cycle: Clomid (200mg CD5-9), IUI 9/9!

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 5:23pm
I'm so sorry, Karen...I don't know what to say, other than you are in my thoughts. I wish this pain wasn't so unbearable...
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 5:58pm

I'm so sorry Karen.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 10:27pm
(((HUGS))) It is so hard to hear something like that.
  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 11:18pm

Just wanted you to know you & dh are in my thoughts and prayers.

Chrissy

l_216954b4ce21793d44bf7274ba98b39a.gif image by chrissy_jr_8     

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 12:15am

Karen,


I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Keeping you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. May you find peace, courage and strength in your decisions.


Katie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 1:47am

Karen:


Words cannot express-- my heart aches for you. I wish you peace with your decision.


Rachael

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 9:50am
Oh Karen- Its not fair.