I'm so friggin proud of myself!!!
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|Mon, 09-08-2008 - 9:54am|
It's only the 8th and I'm having such a great month!!! I think my just letting August go, has really helped. I realized it's gone and it's never coming back!!!!! First of all, I'm so excited to see my new nephew/Godson. Everytime I hold him and look at him and kiss his DARLING little face, I'm really really really not thinking about me, or IF, or how badly I want to be a mommy, I'm thinking about how much I love this little man. How much I'm looking forward to being a GREAT God mother. When DH holds him it just makes your heart melt. I really do fall in love with him all over again. I look at how much he already loves his Godson and I know what a great daddy he's going to make. I'm also finding great comfort in supporting others, whether or not it's IF related.
I have a friend who is 28 and is married with 3 children one of whom is 9 years old. She is a woman who makes me very proud of my culture, where the unfortunate true stereotype is someone with a billion kids to a billion fathers and no job. THIS GIRL, knows she's made some mistakes but blames no one, and DOES NOT depend on the state to take care of her family. She started her own business and even takes care of her elderly mother!!!!!! Her kids are even well behaved and respectful!!!! Lately she's been feeling overwhelmed with her business and her mom and her kids and her marriage. I've kidnapped her on a few occasions and we sit around and talk baking, and we talk tattoos and we talk concerts and music. She wrote me an email over the weekend telling me how lucky she was to have a friend like me, with my own problems but still finding a place in my heart for her. I thanked her for allowing me to support her. I really did forget how great that feels!
And lately, I just feel really great about this cycle. When I was at the hospital visiting my sis, her FIL and his step daughters were there. one of them is 4, she walked right upto me and sat on my lap and started talking to me and asking me questions and just socializing with me. I look at her parents and their jaws were on the floor. They told me that she is PAINFULLY shy, generally, and almost never leaves her mom's hip. That this was a miracle, especially considering, I've never seen this little girl before. My sister's StepMIL said that I must radiate a maternal instinct that her daughter picked up on. That made me feel AMAZING!! I really believe in signs and I know that was one! Though, I have mentally prepared for a BFN. I really am living, DH and I are remodeling our dining room and bedroom, things we totally could not afford had I gone full term 18 months ago. I'm enjoying my life right now, but am ready any time my baby decides that I'm the mommy for them. Though I am worried that My mom, MIL, and I all had the same dream that DH and I had twins. Isn't that crazy?!?!?!?!? LITTLE SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In more ways than one, but hey I'll take what I can get. I just wanted to update on how really good I feel!