... and I was having such a good month.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2008
... and I was having such a good month.
11
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 4:51pm
Well, there was bound to be one bump in a really great month. So DH and I went to visit with my sis and our new Nephew and Godson. we're holding him and playing with him when out of the blue my sister says, "no one really tells you just how hard it really is. I just think I'm done with this one, b/c I had no idea how difficult this is." Picture me steam coming out of my ears and a million thoughts running through my head. I WANTED to say, "well no, no one will tell you that if you're 19, living with your mom, and have no job, yes it will be a bit hard". I wanted to say, "Well, no see, we have the money to have a baby, we have the life experience to have a baby, we've been together for years and have the stable relationship to have a baby". Of course I didn't say anything, I just pretended not to hear her and kept playing with my hunny bunches. Don't get me wrong, I am soooo in love with my nephew and I can't imagine him not being around. But I just don't appreciate "words of wisdom" from my 19 year old sister, with no job, living with our mom, and an on and off relationship with her baby's father. I don't doubt that parenthood has it's challenges, but if it was really easy, wouldn't that be less rewarding. My thoughts are that, I am prepared for parenthood, not only on paper, but mentally as well. I'm no fool, I know I'm gonna wanna pull my hair out at times, but I'm prepared for the frustration ( if IF has taught me anything, it's certainly patience), DH and I love each other so much, and the only thing missing in our lives is that little baby. To top this all off, she tells us about how last night she went to the county's Oktoberfest celebrations, and about how hung over she was this morning. Again, I was seething mad, first of she's 19 and shouldn't be drinking, (but ok I get it 19 year olds do some crazy things) but she is a new mother!!!!!! Poor Ashten is only 3 weeks old! She gave up the "right" to party when she had unprotected sex with her BF and conceived a child. Hence, why people tell us to wait to have a baby, LIVE A LITTLE! This all very strange, this sister is the one that has been closest to me, I raised her, she was my maid of honor, and most of all, the first one to step up and tell people to shut up when she knows they're making me feel bad about my IF. I know that maybe she's a bit frightened about the road ahead of her and wants some support, but I can't say that I feel sorry for her. I personally know about 50 women (you guys) that would kill to have what she has, and are prepared for it! I don't think I will be able to support her without saying something about lucky she is. Now poor DH has to deal with a cranky wife.

wedding2-1.jpg picture by Sbaltozer


 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 5:28pm
Sounds like you did a pretty good job of keeping your cool, though, so kudos to you! Just think how much more prepared you and DH are. I always hear that we appreciate more the babies who are harder to conceive. Not sure if it's true or not, but I like to think it makes us better parents!


- Connie




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Me-37, DH-28


TTC 2 years - MFI


IVF #1 March 2008 - BFN (cycle too long/lining too old)


IVF #2 September 2008 - BFN (currently unknown/will find out 9/24)



- Connie

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Me-38, DH-29
TTC 2 years - MFI
IVF #1 M

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 6:01pm
When I was your sisters age I was in the exact same position. I was 19, living at home, no job with a baby. I always thought when me and DH decided to have a baby it would happen. Boy was I wrong. I am a totally different person now. Good for you for staying calm. I do believe we will be much better parents. ( ( ( H U G S ) ) ).
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 6:42pm

(((HUGS))) Roman...that must have been hard to hold your tounge.

  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 8:01pm

*hugs* Roman.

Erin & Ryan Sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 9:34pm

((((HUGS))))


Kudos to you for not reaching out and strangling your sister!


I am a strong believer in that parents that have to work for their children have a greater bond to them.

 

Me36, DH33, DS4, took us 5 years of misery(tons of blood work, tests, HSG, many clomid cycles & exploratory Laparoscopic with ovarian drill

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 9:46pm
((HUGS))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Sat, 09-20-2008 - 10:06pm
awww Roman, I'm proud of you that you kept the peace and didn't say anything. That's my huge problem: I cannot keep my mouth shut. It's like, if I don't share my emotions I will just explode. But anyway, all you can do at the moment is cherish your nephew and be the "bigger person"...perhaps she will learn soon enough to be eternally grateful for what she has.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 11:32am
Good job on being the better person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2008
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 8:40am

Thank you so much for your support. I'm actually a little more upset about this now b/c I found out that NO ONE had the baby while she was partying, she had him with her!!!!!!!!! Oktoberfest is a family thing with kids running around, BUT she and her BF (and his PARENTS) all were drunk and partying. I just couldn't believe it. Even before she had a baby she was yelling at our other sister that had a baby and smokes OODLES of pot and lives in the SERIOUS ghetto! So now I feel like, GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Needless to say, my astonishment about her opting out of breastfeeding, now makes perfect sense. It just makes me so sad, I LOVE both of my nephews, and if my sisters keep going the way that they are, I know exactly where they're going to be in 20 years. DH and I have just decided that we're going to be here to set a good example for these boys but if they end up like my gang-banger cousins, we can't take it personally and try to "fix" them. They're not our kids, and as much as we love them and as much as we want to save them, we can't. DH and I know that we're going to be great parents and keep our kids safe from the things that my sisters are subjecting their kids to. DH and I have had our time to party, and we're done now, and we're ready to have a baby. My heart aches for my nephews, BUT I will not allow this to stress me out, I can't save the world!

wedding2-1.jpg picture by Sbaltozer


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 8:51am
Sorry you have to deal with this Roman- I know that you and your DH will do your best to help raise those nephews by setting a good example.

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