Am I overreacting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Am I overreacting?
11
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 9:44pm
I don't know if I am being selfish but my BIL has pushed me to my limit. Him and his "wife" continually use us. When my DH is home they take his car for the week use all the gas then bring it back and when he's gone I have to take them everywhere. They have two vehicles that he will not insure. They come over and do laundry every other week, they just had a baby so there is a bit. When they first came here we took them three hours away to where they came from three times and they never helped with gas. Whenever we go anywhere with them we pay for everything. I understand they don't really have money and thats where I start feeling bad but when he is working they don't even offer to payback anything. I've given up on that anyway. They are young but I feel that if they felt that they were old enough to have unprotected sex and have a baby they are old enough to be adults and take care of themselves. I don't mind helping but it seem like I am raising them. We had to make them go get food stamp and wic. so the root of this is all that I asked in return was for him to come mow my lawn once every other week. Well obviously by the rant he won't do it. I told DH he needs to be cut off but am I being to harsh. The other thing that makes me feel bad for my feelings is that he just lost his job and is being evicted. We are helping him look for a place to live and a new job too. I just don't know how much more I can give without a little being given to me. Is a half hour every other week to much to ask for? I know this has nothing to do with IF but it is putting me under stress. Thanks for letting me ramble on.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 10:53pm
I totally agree with you that 30min everother week is not asking to much.
  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 11:05pm
yeah i've talked to dh. he gets just as frustrated but just can't bring himself to cut him off. bil should already be cut off from the car because bil took the car three ours away when we told him not to. bil will cut your lawn too ut you'd have to pay his way. hehehe. dh can't mow because he is allergic to grass. sorry for no capitols, my cat is laying on my arm and i only have one hand.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 11:05pm
I don't think that is asking too much at all. It sounds like you and DH have been there for them a lot. These family situations are tough and you're right, they do bring on undue stress. I hope the situation gets better!

autumnstroll.jpg picture by mlaspinall31




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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 6:45am

np about the caps....my little girl kitty likes to come up and nuzzle my hands as I type also drool on them too.

  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 9:25am

Its in between a rock and a hard place these family type situations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 10:34am
I don't think you are overreacting....I think you are perfectly justified in your feelings......If they are at your house doing laundry using your water....I see no reason why he can't mow the darn lawn while he is there....Actually I think mowing the lawn is very little to ask of him, it seems to me that you guys do quite a bit for him....And IF is stressful enough with out having to deal with other peoples problems.....Sounds like its time for your DH to sit down and have a chat with his bro.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 10:38am
I'm with you all the way, yes giving in it of it'self can be it's own reward but that is only before the giving becomes being taken advantage of. And unfortunately it seems as if BIL has come to feel a sense of entitlement towards what you are giving to him and his family. I definately think that you and DH need to have a sit down with him and make him understand that though DH is his brother he doesn't HAVE to do the things he does for them and that you don't mind helping out as long as you feel that it's still something that's appreciated and not expected! I know it is SO frustrating to be doing this for someone that simply isn't ready to have a baby and we absolutely are ready for parenthood, so that along with the lack of appreciation can drive anyone up a wall!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 11:44am
Thank you all for your help. I don't want to stop helping because I love my niece and them too but they need to grow up and start taking care of themselves. When I moved out I never went to anybodies house to do laundry or borrowed any ones car. I was independant. They are like this with everyone too. It's just all us right now because it's just us two that live here. Well DH yelled at him last night so we'll see what happens. : )
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 11:47am
Susan- my little girl kitty does that too, but she ends up drooling on my arm. It's gross but so cute!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 4:58pm
it's so hard to be in a situation where you're doing all the giving. of course, you feel for them and want to help, but the relationship with them won't work if it's so unbalanced. i think in this situation it's important to set expectations overtly, and enforce them (DH could do that on your behalf). we all need help sometimes, but most of us want to help in return.

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.

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