feeling sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
feeling sad
16
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 1:09pm

hi everyone,


i haven't been posting much in the last while because i'm feeling really sad. i'm really glad to be in my IUI cycle, but am just so beaten down from the past several years of IF that it feels like it will never happen. i'm feeling really lonely, but have been having trouble joining in the discussions. just wanted to let you all know.

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days. 1st cycle part II: Clomid (200mg CD5-9), IUI 9/9, AF 9/24. 2nd cycle: CD1 9/24/08, clomid CD5-9, next u/s CD13 (10/6)

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 1:17pm
(((HGUGS))) from up north.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 1:40pm
thanks terri. my CD13 ultrasound coming up on monday...i just hope my body responded properly to the clomid and we can go ahead w/ the IUI. although i know the outlook is rosier now that we're using DS, my body and soul have been through several years of complete hell and it's hard to be optimistic. i think the clomid also affected me emotionally. how are you doing?

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 3:17pm

(((HUGS))) Ana I have been there too...it is really hard for me when I feel like this because I feel like I need to respond.

  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
In reply to: ana_2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 3:25pm
Ana- I understand!! I have been feeling like that often & worry that my 4th & last IVF won't work & that I am too old, etc & I feel isolated a lot too with other women b/c most of my peers have kids & don't understand what I am gong through!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 3:56pm
((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))), I'm gonna take Susan's advice, because when I feel like that all I want is ((HUGS))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 5:57pm
thanks susan. (((hugs))) to you too.

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 5:58pm
thanks marisa. it's so hard to be optimistic when you've gone through treatments that have failed. and it's hard for it not to be understood by family and friends.

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 6:00pm
thanks jessica. (((hugs))) to you too.

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
In reply to: ana_2008
Sat, 10-04-2008 - 7:38pm
Ana,
The nice thing is you know that we will always understand! It is lonely, and frustrating, and people are so clueless which makes it worse!
But in the end you have to remember that you found your DH and that is more than most people have. You will get pregnant, and the bonus is you WILL appreciate it more than anyone else.
Hang in there...
Melissa
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
In reply to: ana_2008
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 5:03pm
thanks melissa. i am so grateful to have dh. it just feels like i'll never get pg. i'm going for an u/s tomorrow, so hopefully we'll be on our way to iui.

ana


TTC since Sept '06
Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07, FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.

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