I feel defective! ( this is a vent)
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|Mon, 11-10-2008 - 7:52pm|
I am sorry for this vent. It is long and negative. Please dont be annoyed with me but I needed to vent to someone. I don't know who else to talk to that will understand. I feel guilty for coming to all of you when you have probably been trying longer and harder compared to us, I don't know. I feel inadaquate and jealous. I am angry and sad and I feel defective, like less of a woman than those around me. When all around me people are saying, " Oh, we are trying to decide when to have our....whichever one they are on!
DH and I have been trying for almost 2 years a baby. We met later, I am 39 and DH is 42. we tried for a year with no success. Then we began the IVF roller coaster. We got to go right to the "head of the class" frin the beginning ( remember when that used to be a good thing!) Not this time. We were told I had POF. quality and quantity very bad. 0-3% chance, if we were lucky with a very high rate of miscarriage. Skip IVF, IUI, only option open we were told is donor egg. Still we hoped and tried a bit more on our own for that lucky egg. Finally, luckily, my cousin offered to be there for us when if came down to it. We had one shot, my cousin only here from Costa Rica for a short time and finance being the way it is we could not afford to go with an unknown donor. We get on the excited band wagon again! Everything went smooth but only 6 eggs were retrieved....2 did not fertilize, one only grew to 4 cell the other fragmented. Ok, there are 2 good embryos! Yeah, here we go....NOT! Why? How come? and no one can give us answers. Being that I am going to be 40 in a month and a half, options are limited yet again.
You see we were only approved for 1 cycle due to everything. To try again insurance says I have to do a clomid challange. I have failed the last 2 I have done. Add that to the big 40 and we are doomed before we begin. To top it off I am coming off all the hormones, my period began 2 days after that. My hormones are everywhere and I am having hot flashes every half hour! I am sorry to go on and be so negative. I know there must be some reason why...can someone please give me a glimmer of what that might be?
Thank you for listening to mhy vernt....I apoligize...I don't want to be so negative for everyone else...I guess I am just spinning