I realized something today

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
I realized something today
7
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 1:37am

So I realized something today about all this IF stuff. We have been trying for 3 1/2 years and have only just started the treatments for it. I have done one round of clomid and will be starting my next within a week. After so long of trying I thought that once i started treatment that I would get pregnant right away. I thought of it as my answer i suppose. I think that was why I was so disappointed when the first round didn't work and why I haven't been able to get this cycle out of my mind. I know alot of you have gone through much more and many more treatments and cycles, but honestly I'm very scared of having to do IVF (proceedures, drugs, and cost) and I also know that if that comes along, or anything else that we won't be able to do any of it for a while because we dont have the money nor does insurance cover it. so i would be back to square one, of waiting and 'hoping' that maybe for some miracle we will concieve on our own. I really thought that clomid was going to be our answer and our fix to this 'problem' but i have been disappointed. I wanted this to be my answer so badly and now I have to keep waiting for that.  now with this cycle I am very apprehensive and at the same time excited. I want to know that I am pregnant. I want to plan everything and watch this miracle grow inside me. I am praying and doing everything I can because I want to be pregnant for christmas finally after 3 years of not being. I want that ultimate present. and i'm scared that it will never happen. I think alot of me is scared of not being pregnant for christmas because I know if I am it won't be so hard to see my cousins new baby, but if im not i dont know how i'm going to handle it. I'm stressed and worried and my hormones are going crazy. I'm scared of upping the clomid because i have already had side affects on the lower dose. I would go to hell and back to hold my baby in my arms but at the moment I'm questions things and what my limits really are. Sorry ladies I just had to vent a little. hope everyone is doing great!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2008
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 7:06am
((((HUGS)))) Heather. I understand, been there very recently myself....I waited until trying for about 18 months before I started looking for RE's, etc and I don't feel any closer to a BFP now.

 

Angela

Me 32, C 34. Toge

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 8:51am
(((HUGS)))
  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 9:37am
Vent away! I understand how you feel. I have in my mind that when my surgeries are over that I will conceive right away. I need to get that out of my head, because that probably will not happen. I hope your bfp is right around the corner for you... as in the best Christmas present ever.

Kelly


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 11:04am

Oh sweet Heather,


I know how you feel.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 11:52am

(((((HUGS))))) Heather, I think we all know what you are talking about.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 12:06pm
Your story sounds so much like mine. We have been trying for 3 and a half yrs but only started treatment. But I can't do clomid because of my high FSH. And I was told I can't do IVF either. I am so sorry things aren't working for you the way they should. I know I won't be pg by x-mas but I hope you are. Don't worry about the venting, that's what we are here for. The ladies here can help me so much better than the ones IRL, because they know how it is. I hope you are feeling a little better. ( ( ( HUGS ) ) )
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Wed, 11-19-2008 - 6:18pm
(((hugs))) i feel like i could have written your post. IF is agony is so many ways. i've said many times that if i could have a guarantee that eventually i'd have a successful pg, i could go through anything. but the uncertainty is torture. know that you're with women who know just how you feel and are here to listen!

ana


TTC since Sept '06. Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07
IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze)
IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07 (w/ fresh TESA), FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer)
IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42)
1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.