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|Fri, 11-28-2008 - 6:18pm|
Iâ€™m feeling so upset right now and confused and hurt. My family has been mostly supportive in us TTC. But I feel like a lot of the time either they donâ€™t know what to say or else they just donâ€™t care. And although Iâ€™m pretty sure itâ€™s the first, I canâ€™t help but feel that our TTC/IF is unimportant to our family. My mom was leaving to go on a cruise last week. DH and I hadnâ€™t told anyone that we got a BFP and I didnâ€™t want to worry my mom before her vacation, but she ended up calling soon after I got the 1st beta and I was feeling upset and just felt that this BFP wasnâ€™t sticking. She ended up realizing that I was upset, so I told her what was going onâ€¦I figured we could use some extra prayers. I told her that I didnâ€™t want to ruin any part of her trip by having her worryâ€¦she told me that she was sorry, didnâ€™t know what to say and wished she were there to give me a big hug. When she came back, DH talked to her, she talked about her trip and didnâ€™t ask anything about what was going onâ€¦I just assumed she was waiting to talk to me.
In the meantime, I spoke to my sister about the BFP and 1st beta since she went through IF. I told her how upset I was that we could be losing another pregnancy almost exactly to the date of finding out about the BFP of the baby we lost last year. She pretty much just told me well I remember going through it and proceeded to again tell me that she went through it for 4 Â½ years. Itâ€™s like she always seems to feel like she has to remind me that she went through IF longer than I have been going through it. I felt like saying well I know you had one miscarriage but have you ever lost a second on the anniversary of the first one?? But I didnâ€™t say that. I told her I was going in for the 2nd beta 2 days later and she said well even if it does go up youâ€™ll still be worrying that it didnâ€™t go up enough. Iâ€™m never quite sure when I talk to her if she thinks sheâ€™s saying things that are going to make me feel better or if in a way itâ€™s her way of saying that I havenâ€™t experienced the pain she has. Sometimes DH thinks that she just may be feeling weird that she has a son because of my egg donation to her and just doesnâ€™t know how I feel about it or that I might be upset about it. But I know sheâ€™s discussed with me that she felt bad because maybe she took the eggs I needed or my chance, but I told her that I donâ€™t feel that way and I never would. And truthfully I donâ€™t feel that way, Iâ€™ve never asked for any recognition from her about it, but it just hurts that sheâ€™s not more supportive because of itâ€¦Is that wrong to think that??
DH and I decided to have our own Thanksgiving at home so we could just relax with each other and not have to act a certain way around other family members who donâ€™t know about us TTC. I called my sister to tell her that we werenâ€™t going to come to her house. She asked if it was because of my nephewâ€¦of course that wasnâ€™t the reasonâ€¦out of anyone he was the one I missed not seeing on Thanksgiving.
So the reason Iâ€™m so upset now is that I just got a call from mom againâ€¦she called Thanksgiving morning also. Both callsâ€¦she didnâ€™t ask one word about how we were doing, how the next blood test went, etc. I also havenâ€™t got any call from my sister sinceâ€¦so my mom and my sister have no idea that we did indeed lose this pregnancy as well and neither of them seems to care enough to ask. It hurts because I guess theyâ€™re just assuming that we did lose it. They probably donâ€™t want to have to feel awkward bringing it up.
Iâ€™m not trying to make my family out to be unsupportive but sometimes I feel that way. I know this is probably just my emotions making it this way. I donâ€™t feel like I can just call them up and tell them this or tell them that we did lose this pregnancy as wellâ€¦I guess it makes me feel then if Iâ€™m the one bringing it up then it wasnâ€™t them who cared to ask. I know DH gets upset too and says that he canâ€™t make anyone say or ask anything.
Thanks for listeningâ€¦I didnâ€™t know who else to talk to right now. Am I just acting way too emotional and expecting too much from family?? I guess I just need to feel like itâ€™s important to them as well or feel like they care enough about us to see how weâ€™re doing. :/
ME (28), DH (29) TTC #1 since March 2006. Dx: PCOS variant
3/06 to 3/07 TTC on own; 4/07: Clomid 50mg-O,BFN; 5/07: Clomid 50mg-O,BFN; 6/07: Clomid 50mg & Metformin-O,BFN; 7/07: 1st RE appt; 8/07: IUI #1-Femara(3-7) & Ovidrel-BFN; 9/07: IUI #2-Femara(3-7) & Ovidrel-BFN; 10/07: IUI #3-Femara(3-7)& Ovidrel-BFP! 12/14/07-Woke up @ 3am to miscarriage @7w0d. Testing revealed chromosomally normal girl. Forced break until 3/08: IUI #4-Femara(3-7) with Follistim boosting 75 units(6,8,9) & Ovidrel-BFN; BCPx2wks to treat resulting cyst; 4/08: IUI #5 with only Follistim 75(3-7), more than 4 follicles on u/s, converted to IVF #1, 7 of 10 fertilized with ICSI, 2 transferred-BFN; 6/08: IUI #6-Femara(3-7) with Follistim alternating 50 & 75 units(3-7) & Ovidrel-BFN; 7/08 thru 9/08: IVF #2 with BCP, Lupron, Follistim 50 am/pm, ER-10 eggs, 5 out of 5 fertilized ICSI, 3 out of 5 fertilized standard, 2 transferred-BFN; 10/08: IUI #7-Femara(3-5 only), Follistim 50 units (6-11), 3 to 4 dominant follicles on u/s, Dr. wanted to cxl cycle due to chance of multiples but we continued on-BFP! Betas went down :(
Where we are now: IUI #8-Femara (3-5 only) & Follistim (6,7,8) with Metformin, u/s & E2 on 12/02.