One of those days...
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|Tue, 12-09-2008 - 9:53pm|
I thought I was doing so well not letting things bother me. Yesterday when a lady came into our office and said that she found out she was pregnant and that she wasn't happy about it and didn't want to be, I just shook it off and talked to DH about how I would never understand why that happens to those who could care less.
Well today...I made a comment at work about how the hour drive into work made me feel tired today and that it makes my day at work feel long. Then another girl working there says well I have to get up early every morning to take care of my kids! Then the guy comments that he has a 24 hour a day job everyday because he has kids and that I don't understand tired! (btw...the guy complains all the time that his wife says he doesn't help enough at home; he's actually stayed in hotel rooms separately from the wife and kids so they don't bother him!...and he used to live 40 min away but they moved 15 min away because of the drive!)
I got upset so I told them I'm not trying to compare myself to them and I don't doubt that they feel tired. I was just commenting that today the drive bugged me because it felt tiring. Well the guy just says that I should try switching places with him and see how tired I am with kids like him. He kept yakking about his kids keeping him up and that I have no idea because I don't have kids and I should live a day or week in his shoes. At this point I felt like screaming at him I would gladly have children and get up with them if I could! So instead of screaming that I said why are you being so mean? He's like I'm not being mean. I was just stunned that one little comment from me about feeling tired from the drive turns into what felt like an attack.
Neither of these 2 people know about me TTC, so I understand that they didn't know what they were saying would hit a big chord with me. Do their comments sound mean...or should I take it that maybe I'm just feeling overemotional about the kid topic? I just feel like I could say the same thing to them...that they have no idea what I've been going through just to get a chance to wake in the middle of the night and take care of a child.
Arggh!! I was doing so well. I really wished I could talk/post on here earlier today. I couldn't wait to get home and vent. :) Poor DH got a call from me a little after this happened.
Then as if this wasn't enough. A couple comes in with a newborn and says that "this baby was an accident hehehe" but "she's a blessing now" and "we only wanted 2 kids but now we have 3 kids all under 3 years old" "It's so wonderful to have a house full of kids." Of course the girl who just complained about having to get up early for her kids starts talking about how her kids are blessings. And how she loves to visit her family because when she gets together with them there is a house full of kids and it's wonderful. Then the 2 other ladies at work that both have kids...one of which who had an "accident" baby and the other who had her 3 kids her first month off of BCP...they start talking about their blessings and how wonderful life is with kids.
I actually felt like they we just all talking over each other and all I could hear was "such a blessing, aren't they wonderful, they're wonderful, such a blessing"... Strange but it was almost like I could feel like their voices were getting louder and louder and right in my ear. I just felt so out of place. I wish I could feel that they actually know what a blessing they have...
Thanks for the vent...I'm so happy to have you great ladies to listen.
ME (28), DH (29) TTC #1 since March 2006. Dx: PCOS variant
3/06 to 3/07 TTC on own; 4/07: Clomid 50mg-O,BFN; 5/07: Clomid 50mg-O,BFN; 6/07: Clomid 50mg & Metformin-O,BFN; 7/07: 1st RE appt; 8/07: IUI #1-Femara(3-7) & Ovidrel-BFN; 9/07: IUI #2-Femara(3-7) & Ovidrel-BFN; 10/07: IUI #3-Femara(3-7)& Ovidrel-BFP! 12/14/07-m/c @7w. Testing revealed chromosomally normal girl. Forced break until 3/08: IUI #4-Femara(3-7) with Follistim boosting 75 units(6,8,9) & Ovidrel-BFN; BCPx2wks to treat resulting cyst; 4/08: IUI #5 with only Follistim 75(3-7), more than 4 follicles on u/s, converted to IVF #1, 7 of 10 fertilized with ICSI, 2 transferred-BFN; 6/08: IUI #5-Femara(3-7) with Follistim alternating 50 & 75 units(3-7) & Ovidrel-BFN; 7/08 thru 9/08: IVF #2 with BCP, Lupron, Follistim 50 am/pm, ER-10 eggs, 5 out of 5 fertilized ICSI, 3 out of 5 fertilized standard, 2 transferred-BFN; 10/08: IUI #6-Femara(3-5 only), Follistim 50 units (6-11), 3 to 4 dominant follicles on u/s, Dr. wanted to cxl cycle due to chance of multiples but we continued on-BFP! Betas went down :(
Where we are now: IUI #7-Femara (3-5 only) & Follistim (6,7,8,9) with Metformin, u/s & E2 on 12/02-follies growing! 12/03-Ovidrel trigger, 12/05-IUI, Now in the 2ww