One of those days...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
One of those days...
31
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 9:53pm

I thought I was doing so well not letting things bother me.  Yesterday when a lady came into our office and said that she found out she was pregnant and that she wasn't happy about it and didn't want to be, I just shook it off and talked to DH about how I would never understand why that happens to those who could care less. 


Well today...I made a comment at work about how the hour drive into work made me feel tired today and that it makes my day at work feel long.  Then another girl working there says well I have to get up early every morning to take care of my kids!  Then the guy comments that he has a 24 hour a day job everyday because he has kids and that I don't understand tired!  (btw...the guy complains all the time that his wife says he doesn't help enough at home; he's actually stayed in hotel rooms separately from the wife and kids so they don't bother him!...and he used to live 40 min away but they moved 15 min away because of the drive!) 


I got upset so I told them I'm not trying to compare myself to them and I don't doubt that they feel tired.  I was just commenting that today the drive bugged me because it felt tiring.  Well the guy just says that I should try switching places with him and see how tired I am with kids like him.    He kept yakking about his kids keeping him up and that I have no idea because I don't have kids and I should live a day or week in his shoes.  At this point I felt like screaming at him I would gladly have children and get up with them if I could!  So instead of screaming that I said why are you being so mean?  He's like I'm not being mean.  I was just stunned that one little comment from me about feeling tired from the drive turns into what felt like an attack. 


Neither of these 2 people know about me TTC, so I understand that they didn't know what they were saying would hit a big chord with me.  Do their comments sound mean...or should I take it that maybe I'm just feeling overemotional about the kid topic?  I just feel like I could say the same thing to them...that they have no idea what I've been going through just to get a chance to wake in the middle of the night and take care of a child.


Arggh!!  I was doing so well.  I really wished I could talk/post on here earlier today.  I couldn't wait to get home and vent. :)  Poor DH got a call from me a little after this happened. 


Then as if this wasn't enough.  A couple comes in with a newborn and says that "this baby was an accident hehehe" but "she's a blessing now" and "we only wanted 2 kids but now we have 3 kids all under 3 years old"  "It's so wonderful to have a house full of kids."  Of course the girl who just complained about having to get up early for her kids starts talking about how her kids are blessings.  And how she loves to visit her family because when she gets together with them there is a house full of kids and it's wonderful.  Then the 2 other ladies at work that both have kids...one of which who had an "accident" baby and the other who had her 3 kids her first month off of BCP...they start talking about their blessings and how wonderful life is with kids. 


I actually felt like they we just all talking over each other and all I could hear was "such a blessing, aren't they wonderful, they're wonderful, such a blessing"...   Strange but it was almost like I could feel like their voices were getting louder and louder and right in my ear.  I just felt so out of place.  I wish I could feel that they actually know what a blessing they have... 


Thanks for the vent...I'm so happy to have you great ladies to listen.

 


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ME (28), DH (29)  TTC #1 since March 2006. Dx: PCOS variant
3/06 to 3/07 TTC on own; 4/07: Clomid 50mg-O,BFN; 5/07: Clomid 50mg-O,BFN; 6/07: Clomid 50mg & Metformin-O,BFN; 7/07: 1st RE appt; 8/07: IUI #1-Femara(3-7) & Ovidrel-BFN; 9/07: IUI #2-Femara(3-7) & Ovidrel-BFN; 10/07: IUI #3-Femara(3-7)& Ovidrel-BFP!  12/14/07-m/c @7w.  Testing revealed chromosomally normal girl. Forced break until 3/08: IUI #4-Femara(3-7) with Follistim boosting 75 units(6,8,9) & Ovidrel-BFN; BCPx2wks to treat resulting cyst; 4/08: IUI #5 with only Follistim 75(3-7), more than 4 follicles on u/s, converted to IVF #1, 7 of 10 fertilized with ICSI, 2 transferred-BFN; 6/08: IUI #5-Femara(3-7) with Follistim alternating 50 & 75 units(3-7) & Ovidrel-BFN; 7/08 thru 9/08: IVF #2 with BCP, Lupron, Follistim 50 am/pm, ER-10 eggs, 5 out of 5 fertilized ICSI, 3 out of 5 fertilized standard, 2 transferred-BFN; 10/08: IUI #6-Femara(3-5 only), Follistim 50 units (6-11), 3 to 4 dominant follicles on u/s, Dr. wanted to cxl cycle due to chance of multiples but we continued on-BFP!  Betas went down :( 
Where we are now: IUI #7-Femara (3-5 only) & Follistim (6,7,8,9) with Metformin, u/s & E2 on 12/02-follies growing! 12/03-Ovidrel trigger, 12/05-IUI, Now in the 2ww 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 10:08pm

(((HUGS))) Grace I know how you feel!!!

  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 10:10pm

Grace, those comments would have bothered me, and i do have a kid. A tiring drive in no means should give them the right to start outdoing you. It sounds like a case of "my situation is worse that yours" Do you know what I mean. It's like when you do something but someone always has to outdo you. I hope you understand what I mean.
I hate it when people say they didn't want "certain child" but now the love them. Last Christmas I went to a dinner with my mom for her work and the girls at the table kept saying how horrible they felt when they got pg cause they didn't want to be pg. They never wanted that kid but now that kid is their pride and joy. Then they would say how they never want to be pg again. AAARRRGGGG!!!!! I wanted to reach across the table and smack them and say "Do you realize I would kill to get pg"
MY DH works 12+ hrs a day for 7 days and when I say that something makes me tired he never throws in my face his work schedule.
We are always here for you Grace. Anytime you need us.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 10:22pm
I wanted soooo bad to say just that Susan!!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 10:43pm

I know....(((HUGS))) Let it all out!!! I need today to be over with it has been terrible,minus my students they were wonderful


  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 10:47pm

Thank you.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 10:52pm

I hope we have better days tomorrow!!!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 11:08pm

No signs yet. I called the Dr because I was supposed to have my US on wed. Mind you, THEY made my appt. THEY told me when I was coming in. Anyway, so I tell the office girl I haven't haad AF and the Dr wanted me to call and let her know because maybe she'd want me to came in anyway. Office girl proceeds to tell me, "Af won't show up for 2 weeks anyway, after you stop Provera". It's only been a week. I was like, if you knew that why did you give me an appt for one week after. I swear, these people have a combined IQ of 3. So, now the plan is to wait another week and go from there. Sometimes I feel cramps but I really don't have that AF is coming feeling yet.
My son was an unplanned pg, and at 19 it was scary. But from the first appt, when I saw little heartbeats I KNEW that was what I wanted and I loved being PG. And I knew that oneday I would want more. It kinda sucks that now that I'm ready my body isn't cooperating.
I haven't been on a million drugs for IF like you and I wouldn't have said anything like that. I have days, too, that when something innocent is said I can take it differently after my struggle with IF. Those girls were saying that getting pg was the worst thing that happened to them. That having a baby was awful. Why do they get them then. So not fair.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 11:21pm
(((((HUGS))))) Grace.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 12:03am

It's definitely not fair!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 12:22am
I am so sorry about that! I think those people were being very rude and I would have gotten upset too if I were you! I bought a magazine from the store the other day and the cashier said to me "Wow everyone is having babies" and it was the night I found out I had PCOS and I felt like replying "Well they can afford it"! And of course the comments of people I work with who go "Oh just wait until you have kids then you will see". But I guess people don't realize just how common infertility is. One in ten couples is infertilie. Thats way too high a number for as many stupid comments as people make about fertility. It seems people should be more aware. But I guess not.






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