2nd pregnancy, 2nd loss

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2008
2nd pregnancy, 2nd loss
10
Thu, 12-25-2008 - 11:32am

I haven't been on here in awhile, trying not to stalk :). On Monday the 22nd, I received my first BFP after my ectopic nearly a year ago. It was our first cycle with my new doctor, an RE, and the first cycle taking meds to stimulate ovulation on the side with a tube. We were really lucky to get pg on the first try with the new meds. HCG on Monday was 32 and yesterday (Weds) was something like 32.6 or so. So now we wait. Pretty obviously not a viable pregnancy. Numbers are so low there's no way to know if it's ectopic or a miscarriage. With a second loss looming, it's really hard to keep hope that we'll ever have children. If this remaining tube doesn't work we simply won't be able to as we can't afford IVF and my ins doesn't cover it. This is so unbelievably devastating to us, not just for the children factor, but also because we moved 1500 miles away from family and friends to buy a house and have children. We are stuck here and without the second part of the equation, it makes my life here absolutely miserable. I WOULD NOT have moved here without the idea of having children. DH and I miss our families horribly and it is not worth all the sacrifices we have made to live here without having kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Thu, 12-25-2008 - 12:24pm

*Huge hugs*


I just had my first loss and it really is devestating. I haven't any advice or words of comfort, I just hope that you find peace on whatever path lies ahead.


Erin & Ryan Sig
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Thu, 12-25-2008 - 8:16pm
((((HUGS))))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 1:39am
Lots of ((((HUGS)))).


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 10:25am

I am so sorry to hear about your loses.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 1:10pm

( ( ( ( H U G S ) ) ) ) There is nothing I can say to take away your pain. It sucks I know. We are all here for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 2:41pm

I am very sorry you are feeling so hopeless right now.

Lilypie

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2008
Fri, 12-26-2008 - 9:02pm

RFIA-

I truly do value your advice and words. I know that I've barely begun my infertility journey and many people have lots of losses. Rather than compare my pain to others I'm focusing on me. Which I feel is okay to do since that is what I need to do. I also agree with you that is is best to lose the baby early rather than later. In no way do I wish I could carry this baby 20 more weeks only to lose it. I'm not an idiot. First of all, you should know that IVF is not an option for us. Although I am young and it would likely work if we tried it, we cannot (and I mean cannot) afford it. We're already way upside down on our house as we financed it to buy our business and then the real estate market turned. Ins doesn't cover IVF so it's just not an option, period. And neither my dh or I have rich or even wealthy relatives to help, we're purely dependent on ourselves. So if this left tube doesn't work, that's the end for us. No children, and we're stuck living 1500 miles away from every single person in the world that we care about with no family or close friends nearby. So sometimes I feel a little more despair than someone else would at my stage in the game because we're literally going through all of this completely by ourselves.

I don't mean to take offense but the way I feel about my fertility is that I've got one tube, one shot left. One more botched ectopic and I never get to have kids? My first ectopic was such a mess, my HCG was down to 9 when I had emergency surgery, totally abnormal and I should have been fine by all accounts. Obviously I was not fine and nearly died due to crappy doctors lack of follow up. So, I'm a little gun shy this time around. Plus not all of us are up to years of infertility treatment. With no support other than my DH, we cannot keep this up indefinitely.

Anyway, I am extremely greatful to be seeing an RE as I do feel the care is a million time better than my previous doctors. Like all things in the infertility game, we will just have to wait and see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Sat, 12-27-2008 - 4:06pm

(((hugs))) i'm so sorry. IF is so cruel, isn't it? i've been so traumatized by my experience that even w/ this beautiful BFP (after tons of treatment in 2+yrs) i'm having a really hard time that this could actually work. i told myself as soon as i had a bfp i'd be "better" but IF is just so traumatizing. i still think about my losses (i had 2 chemical pgs). i really hope you get some resolution to this current cycle soon, and get started on a cycle that is doable for you. does IVF have to be your next step? i've always found it helpful to meet w/ RE after a loss and come up w/ a plan. i was always so terrified that he'd say to just stop treatment and forget it, but once he presented us w/ options that he thought were reasonably likely to be successful, i was able to keep going.

i've found this board to be a huge lifeline for me, grounding me in the terrors of IF. i still feel like i'm dealing w/ IF and relate to you ladies much more than typical pg women. if you find this board helpful, i'd encourage you to join in whenever you can.

ana


TTC since Sept '06. Diagnosed w/ PCOS, DH diagnosed with azoospermia Dec '06, TESA Mar '07. IVF/ICSI/AZH#1 Aug'07, BFN (6 usable eggs, 5 embies, 2 transferred, 1st beta=18, 2nd beta=12, 0 made it to blast to freeze). IVF/ICSI#2:retrieval Nov'07 (w/ fresh TESA), FET sched Jan'08, no embryos to transfer (23 usable eggs, 12 embies, 0 made it to transfer). IVF/ICSI#3: retrieval Mar'08, FET May'08, BFN (13 usable eggs, 7 fertilized w/ DH sperm= 0 blasts, 6 fertlized w/ DS=3 blasts, all 3 transferred, 1st beta=74, 2nd beta=64, 3rd beta=42). 1st cycle IUI/clomid/donor sperm postponed due to lack of follicular growth on 100mg clomidx5days.

ana

mom to beautiful baby lia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2008
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 10:39am

((((HUGS))))

TTC #2 (For #1: Did 5 failed rounds of clomid and 3 failed IUIs; conceived on own first month after stopping meds)

March-Oct 2008 (tried on own..all BFN

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2009
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 8:42pm
hi- I am really sorry that you are having such a hard time. I've had one miscarriage and it's so much harder to have to deal with it on your own- it seems like something that if others are going through, they're not really talking about. Stay positive!
* Me- 35 y/o, 1 miscarriage at 8 weeks 11/07, all tests so far normal, hypothyroidism- taking Levothroid/synthroid/L-Throxin 50 mcg, had HSG in Feb- one blocked tube, cleared through HSG, other tube normal, IUI without meds in April unsuccessful * DH-