DH is frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
DH is frustrated
9
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 5:05pm

So I know this is the only place that someone will understand!

DH got pretty upset with me the other day. I've been taking a bunch of estradiol (can u say moody?), not working and generally bummed as I passed my EDD, my bday and the holidays. I made some comments to him about this year being so awful and that nothing good happened. Didn't think much of it, but I think he was getting really frustrated with me. He finally told me the other night that he feels like he is being a bad husband b/c he can't fix things for me, and he thinks that I'm not going to be happy about anything until I have a baby in my arms. He asked me if that was the only thing I thought I needed in my life.

I was kind of surprised at the time, but looking back, I can understand where he is coming from. He married this happy-go-lucky person who has just been missing since my miscarriage. I realized that I need to try my best to move on. Hopefully I've seen my last operating room for a while and that will help, 4 trips into there in one year is just too much stress. And I think that getting past my EDD will help improve my mood. Plus all the preggies here at work are gone so I don't have to see belly rubbing for a while at least. Time to stop feeling bad for myself.

I guess that's it, just needed to get it off my mind. Thanks for listening.

 


Kelly


  ttc#1, got bfp in April '08, missed miscarriage, 1st d&c June 6, 2nd d&c Aug 1, hysteroscopy on Aug 20, methotrexate on Aug 26th.  Diagnosed with Asherman's Syndrome on September 19th.  Hysteroscopy scheduled for December 18th!  



 


Photobucket


Photobucketlove husband blinkiegodgiveushealthybaby.gif image by DawnNJohn1020Nottooold.gif


http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1fcb51



 


Kelly


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 5:28pm

(((HUGS)))


On the one hand I can see where he is coming from. He wants to feel like he is all you need. And sadly for a woman that's not always true. Men don't have that instinct driving them to procreate. They have a drive for sex but not for babies. Survival of the species, but it sucks relationship wise. It's important to let him know that of course you need him and love him and that will never change. It's hard to describe to a man the longing we feel to have kids because they don't feel it. Try not to blame yourself for that, because it's something he doesn't understand and it's not either of your faults. Moving on is healthy, but take it one day at a time. I lost my little bean 3 years ago and I still feel very sad and empty on my EDD. Don't get down on yourself for not being all better right away. You will be back to your old smiling self, but don't rush it and suppress the bad feelings. It's ok to feel bad. I wish you the best of luck getting back to normal and being able to move on!





Me: Amy, not TTC/MC 2005/NFP method showed no O some months/Finally O in December!/Dx with PCOS December 2008/starting Metformin January 2009



Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
Photobucket





Powered by CGISpy.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 9:36pm

Hang in there. I'm also a happy go lucky person and when I'm down it really gets dh down. I think it breaks their heart when we're not happy. Sometimes it makes him mad if I have a pitty party. I think they depend on us being happy all the time and it's hard on them when we're not. We're part of their normalcy, you know? I'm so sorry this year has been so crappy. I'd feel the same way if I were you. But think about what you have to be thankful for- a wonderful husband!! And the fact you know you can get pregnant! That's great news. Try and see the positive and move on for both you and your dh. I know it won't be easy but it actually might help you get pregnant faster too.

Me-30, DH newly 34, diagnosed with PCOS in Nov/Dec 2008. 3 Failed cycles of Clomid. (50mg, 100mg, 150mg) Started working with RE Nov 26. Asked for & started M

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Mon, 01-05-2009 - 11:41pm

My DH and I had this exact same problem.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 8:20am
Thank you Jessica, that makes me feel better.
Kelly


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 8:24am
Thanks Kitty, good advice!
Kelly


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 9:54am

HUGS Kelly!


Our poor DHs get the brunt of our pain and have to sit there and just watch us go through it.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 2:22am

Kelly, I'm still trying to catch up with posts since Monday, so sorry I didn't get to see this post earlier.


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 9:20am

Hi Grace,

Things have gotten better. DH and I definitely need to talk more and I think we are getting there. Like you and your DH in the beginning we just have kept to ourselves. I also felt like everything was happening to me and me alone and forgot about his feelings through all of this. I definitely feel a little better since my EDD has past and now that this surgery is behind me. I really feel like it's part of a saga that is finally over (at least I really really hope and pray that it is) and we can start trying again. I know it's no guarantee that we'll be successful or that another miscarriage won't happen, especially given our ages and the damage left to my uterus, but we can close the book on that part of our history.

How was your appointment yesterday?

Kelly


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 2:19pm

Kelly, I'm glad to hear you are doing better.


Photobucket