This day has officially become worse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
This day has officially become worse.
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 12:37pm

So, I better lay down a little backgroud...This might be long, sorry:

My younger sister has two kids and went through a divorce 4 years ago, after which, she offered to be a surrogate for us. We took some time to discuss it and set up a meeting to discuss logistics, at which time she informed us that the guy that she had an affair with to end her marriage didn't really like the idea of her being pregnant with our baby, so, "sorry, can't do what I offered."
Jump ahead to last year when we decided to use the last of our frozen embies with IVF in April...of course, BFN and ensuing depression.  August came around and she offered again, saying that she was in a better place in her life now and willing to do this for us.
Much discussion and soul-searching between my hubby and I...finally decided to go for it.
We began inseminations in September. We did this ourselves as my younger sis is very in tune with her O and we were sure that we could cut out some $$ by doing it ourselves. Sept-nothing.  October-BFP!!  whoo-hoo...2wks later, MC.  Skipped a cycle, tried again at end of Nov-nothing. Dec-nothing. AF on Jan 9.
January brought about another discussion: as my sis is in her last year of nursing school, decided that we couldn't try any longer b/c it would be very difficult to have a baby right in the middle of her last semester of clinicals.
How do you get mad about that? Understandable...Thanks for trying, we really appreciate it.

LOW AND BEHOLD...Feb 3, Positive HPT. Hmmm, very interesting. If January's AF was false, possibly could be ours...oh wait, she says, "I must admit that I was sleeping with my new boyfriend the whole time we've been doing inseminations, without protection, so this is our baby, not yours."
After much crying and fighting, sis agreed to have an U/S to prove conception date...or get as close as possible.  Problem with this whole thing is she claims she went to an abortion clinic (not her doctor????) to have this u/s and NO ONE went with her.
So, we have to take her on her word that conception was between 1/16-1/24.  We have no proof.  What to do?

Anyway, NOW that she KNOWS this baby is hers and she thinks that I've had sufficient enough time to accept it and come to terms with it, I'm supposed to be her support system, as I am her sister and that's my job.
So, I am given daily updates on the great things they are being given from the boyfriends parents, grandparents--already!  I'm also subjected to daily rants about how stressed out she is b/c the boyfriend hasn't asked her to marry him yet(they just met in July 08) and how much stress she has b/c she is PG and going to have to raise a baby while trying to finish nursing school, and how sick she is, and how she doesn't even want this baby and feels guilty about it, and how I need to get on with my life and do this, do that...

And to top it all off, today's phone call was to rant about the traffic she was stuck in.  During which, she asked me if I had smoked yet, to which I replied yes, I had. 
She says "I knew you couldn't quit without cheating"
Me "Well, please don't judge me as you have never been a smoker and don't know how hard it is"
Her "I'm not judging you"
Me "Also, you don't have some of the things I'm dealing with as stress in your life for the past few years, months, days"
Interrupting me--Her " Oh, screw you, you think I'm not stressed out with my situation? I'm so sick you your whining and bitching about all your crap about not being able to have a baby!"

CLICK. She hung up on me.

Moral of the story:  One of my support persons is causing me the most stress out of anyone in my life.  I can't eliminate her from my life b/c she is my sister and I have to kiss*kiss her butt b/c she won't let me see her kids if I don't straighten up and fly right (as she told my mom a few weeks ago)

Any suggestions? I'm near another nervous breakdown and I want to crawl into bed and lose another few weeks of my life to this depression that haunts me.


Faith (35) Matt (40)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 12:57pm

Oh Faith, I wish there was something magic to say or do that would make this better.

Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 1:07pm


Wow. What a sister you have... just wow.

I am sorry but she is such a selfish person. She was trying to be a martyr and turned into a selfish brat. I wish

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 1:14pm
Oh my goodness Faith.
After struggling with infertility, we welcomed our son Noah on March 18, 2010! Formerly a teacher, I am now a breastfeeding, babywearing, stay at home Mom, and I couldn't love it any more!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 2:09pm

Wow, what a sister. I'm so sorry Faith. You have been through so much and it's obvious she just doesn't understand. It sounds like she is very self-centered. If it were me, I think I'd try to distance myself from her for a little while. Let the dust settle. Then after some time do you think you could have a discussion with her about your feelings and how difficult it is for you to hear all of this about pregnancy?

In the meantime, vent to us since your support system seems to be not much help. Again, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with one thing after another.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 2:24pm

While having a discussion sounds like a grand idea--for normal, not selfish, adults--we are dealing with a self centered childlike acting person in my sister.
She has made it very clear to our whole family that it is my responsibility to support her through this 'difficult' time in her life and she feels that I've had more than enough time to come to terms with the fact that she's PG.


Faith (35) Matt (40)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 5:35pm
Oh Faith, I'm so sorry you


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 6:08pm
Oh Faith that is horrilbe to have to go through.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 6:15pm

Huge Hugs Faith!

While I haven't been through all you have with your sister I can relate!

Sigs made by hubbswifey, mom2jess_n_ky, and csmith17663

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 8:47pm
Oh my gosh Faith, I am so sorry you have to deal with that from someone who should be there for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 9:13pm

Thank you to everyone for your support, understanding, shock :)

After talking to my wonderful, loving, (my) perfect husband, we decided that she IS selfish and I am just going to have to opt out of talking to her for awhile.


Faith (35) Matt (40)