I know I am handling this wrong but....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
I know I am handling this wrong but....
12
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 9:06am

***pregnancy mentions (not me though)***


I have been meaning to share this with you all but I am a little embarressed with myself.  So I have this co-worker who is about 4 months preggers now.  About a month ago I discovered this by looking at her facebook page.  Most of the people if not all know that we have been going through fertility treatments.  This co-worker and used to get along too.  Honestly, I have no idea why we stopped talking but we just did.  I will admitt that I have withdrawn myself due to my emotion this year. 


Let me get to what is annoying me first of all I am annoyed that she didn't tell me personally.  Is that to much to ask for?  Second I do morning announcements at my job and she normally has stuff to say also.  So last week twice people who know about my IF start asking her questions about how pregnant she is and baby shower stuff.  Both times I had enough time to walk away and come back before I had to start.  I am just annoyed. 


I really don't want to make a big deal out of it because she is being transfered away at the end of this year.  I am thinking I am just going to suck it up for the next month and a half.  People just need to take sensitivity classes and be aware of the people around them. 


What would you do? 

 

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  TTC TTC #1 since June 2006, Me 28 & DH 30, IVF #1 ICSI and AH ~ BFN, IVF #2 Jan ICSI and AH ~ BFN, Just reserved our donor for our DE IVF, DX ~ pre-POF also known as POI, TTC w/ the assitance of Traditional Chinese Medicine. 
"To get through the hardest Journey we need to take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping." ~Chinese Proverb


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 9:33am

Blech.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 10:31am

Susan,


So sorry some of your co-workers are having brain farts when it comes to discussing PG matters...some people truly don't realize how hurtful and (for lack of a better word) dumb they are. And you have no reason to feel embarrassed for this annoying you...there are smaller things that annoy me daily!


I don't think you are handling this wrong--walking away is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with the situation.

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Faith (35) Matt (40)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 12:29pm

I think you're doing just fine Susan.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 1:05pm

Susan


Sorry to hear your coworker is so dumb. But maybe she

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 1:25pm

Hi Susan,

I don't think you are handling it wrong, I would walk away and do the same thing. I am really glad she is going to be out of your life in a month and a half. Last year I had two preggos here at work in my department and it was soooo hard to listen to them talk and see them rub their bellies everyday. They both left and life got a little easier.

I definitely think I would suck it up and congratulate her though. It sounds like she may a little immature and afraid of addressing it with you. So maybe say, "congratulations, I heard the news" and just leave it at that.

Kelly


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2008
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 2:11pm
Susan I'm sorry... it sucks having to deal with that. With the taekwondo school we have tons of parents... and since we deal with kids all day I get asked DAILY when I'm going to have one of my own. Plus, beings most of the children are small, their parents always seem to be popping out more. So I can relate. My DH had an eight year old ask him why he didn't have any kids yet, and this is a direct quote "because I need someone to play with". I felt bad for him, and yet at the same time was a little miffed. How do you get mad at an eight year old for that question though?? :0) Anyway... I feel for ya sistah! I think you are handling it the way that is best for you. If the same people ask her the same questions EVERY DAY though... I would definitely remind them that it's not your favorite conversation piece.

Happily married to DH since March 15, 2008





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September 2008: Diagnosed with cervical cancer and HPV. Cells were removed in two spots via freezing, minor scar tissue. Gave up caffeine and smoking.

Cycle 1: No O

Cycle 2: No O

Cycle 3: No O

Cycle 4: O'd for the first time! Took prenatal, fish oil, calcium, acidophilus, EPO and B-6

Cycle 5: No O, same vitamins.

Cycle 6: O'd late due to stress. Just taking a prenatal this cycle. Also, V8 Splash mmm


Happily married to DH since March 15, 2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 6:17pm

Maybe she was trying to protect your feelings by not telling you. Have you thought of that? Of course you were going to hear about it indirectly but maybe she was afraid it would sound like she was bragging if she was all like "hey guess what I'm pregnant!!!!!!!!!!" Talk to her and ask. Also, it's hard to change the subject when someone asks you how your pregnancy is going. I know because I used to get questions about my diamond engagement ring and I would try to change the subject when I was around single friends so that they wouldn't be hurt but it wasn't easy. People are gaga about diamonds and babies and they are unfortunately not going to censor themselves.


Having said all this, I feel for you. Talk to this girl. Go for it. Good luck.



AKA "Caro". 35 years old, Dh is 38; BFP in April 2009

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 6:53pm

Hey Suzie Q-


This is a tough one and something similiar happened to my friend. I think I'd ask her about being pregnant and that you didn't know and wish you had known. From my experience with my MIA friend and from my friend's experience she had with her friend, I've learned that people don't tell us bc they don't want to hurt us but instead they hurt us worse by not telling. They just don't know. As open as you are with your IF and helping others understand, if you feel like talking to her tell her you wish you'd known before now so you could have celebrated with her. Let her know you can be happy for her even if you've had a harder journey. I think that's the area they struggle with--- they think maybe we can't handle it or it 's just too hard. But if you don't feel up to it then just leave her be.


? for you- I told my boss today. Went super well. Do you think I need to tell friends at work or just let them figure out as the months go on? I don't want it public gossip yet but don't want people's feelings hurt either? Let me know your thougths since this is similar to this.


Can't wait til you get your DE!!!


Kitty

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Me-30, DH newly 34, diagnosed with PCOS in Nov/Dec 2008. 3 Failed cycles of Clomid. (50mg, 100mg, 150mg) Started working with RE Nov 26. Asked for & started M

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Tue, 04-21-2009 - 8:23pm

Awww, Susan that sucks that she still hasn't had the decency to tell you herself.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Wed, 04-22-2009 - 8:58am

Kitty,


As for telling the people you work with I truely suggest sending an email.

  

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