Struggling

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Struggling
9
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 1:40am

My name is Amy Lynn. I will be 29 ... well it's after midnight so today! LOL I am married to Ethan (29) and I have a 10 year old son named Bryan. Ethan and I have been married for 3 years in July and together for 8 years.

We started TTC our first child together a few months before our wedding. Which means we have been TTC for 3 years this month. We TTC until our first wedding anniversary with no luck. So we both went in for testing. Everything looked great and there seemed to be no reason that I was not getting pregnant.

Right after my last test, the HSG, I got pregnant. We were so happy to have conceived naturally and looking forward to our child's birth. Sadly I miscarried at 9 weeks. The baby looked great but just did not have a heartbeat. We don't know what went wrong.

We took a couple of months off to heal and started TTC again in April of 2008. I have not gotten pregnant again and we still don't know why.

DH and I finally decided it is time to seek help. I hope to make the phone call in the morning to the fertility clinic. I have no idea what to expect. I wonder if we will have to do all of the testing over again. I assume there will be testing done that was not done in our original work up. I just hope they can do SOMETHING to help.

It is my birthday and I should be happy as a clam! But I am trying not to cry. I am just so frustrated. I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30. I don't know if I will even give birth a second time in the next year. My little sister is pregnant. I should be over joyed to be an aunt in October. DH should be thrilled to be an uncle soon too. This will be our first niece/nephew. But we both are struggling to be happy for them. I can feel my mother holding back her joy because she knows how much pain we have been through the last 3 years. My sister is having an ultrasound done today, on my birthday of course. *eye roll* She told me should was going to announce if it was a boy or girl in my birthday card at dinner tonight with my family. I wanted to tell her NO! But she seemed so happy that I just couldn't rain on her parade. Though she has no trouble raining on mine. Is it wrong to want my birthday dinner to be about me? I don't want DH to be upset and I know he will be mad at her. I just can't win.

I found out an ex coworker is pregnant with her second baby and her son just turned a year old this weekend. One of my current coworkers just announced that his wife is due in November. I want to feel happy and I should congratulate them. But I just can not muster a smile right now. I am sad and jealous and angry. I don't want to be. But there is only so long you can stuff those feelings down.

I just needed to vent for a bit and cry a little. I don't want the frustration to ruin my birthday! If anybody has any info on what to expect when we start seeking help to have a baby I would appreciate it. Thanks for letting me get it out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
In reply to: amy3lynn3
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 2:13am

Well, first of all, Happy Birthday!!!
I'm Suzi, 39 DH, Brandon is 27 and I have a DS 19. Dh and I have been married for 5 yrs on the 15th of this month. We have been TTC for almost 4 yrs. Because I have a son my Dr said I could get Pg. Well, obviously not. Another Dr said I had POF (premature ovarian failure), which basically means my eggs are crap and I really don't have any. I sought another opinion and was seeing her for a few months before she was to offically DX me. Well, right when she decided to DH was laid off and we neither had the money or insurance to go further. Right now I am in limbo till he goes back to work, which should be soon!!
Since I had to stop before I even started I don't really know what goes on. I'm sure there will be testing. It will depend on what procedure you can/choose to do. I will have to go with DE. Our CL, Susan is currently doing DE so she will have great advice for that.
I'm just here for support right now. (as in supporting others) :)
I hear you on everyone around you being PG. In the past year my cousin, niece, nephew (niece's brother), 2 SIL's and a co-worker all had babies.
I'm so sorry about your MC.
I hope you stick around. This board is wonderful with amazing women. I don't know where I'd be without them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: amy3lynn3
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 2:24am

Thanks for the happy birthday. I am trying to be happy. Maybe after a good nights sleep. If DH's uniforms would just hurry up and dry I could go to bed. LOL

I am sorry you are on hold. That is always so frustrating. I was going crazy WTT before we got married and WTT again after the miscarriage. Drove me totally batty to just be standing still.

Thanks for the support. Right now I am feeling like I need all I can get. I tend to be an emotional eater. So I am looking for other ways to help deal instead of food. I have lost 15 pounds so far. I don't want to waste that hard work for a bad day.

BTW I like your Supernatural blinkie! I love that show. Dean is just so NUMMY!!! LOL

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Lilypie 6th to 18th Ticker




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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
In reply to: amy3lynn3
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 8:45am

Hi Amy Lynn,

Happy Birthday! I hope you can enjoy your day as best you can. I wouldn't be thrilled about my sister making that announcement at my bday dinner either.

If you have your reports from your previous doctor, take them with you to your appointment at your new clinic. (You can request them from your doctor's office, sometimes they make you pay for them which is ridiculous but whatever). They may want to repeat some tests anyway but you might be able to avoid repeating some.

I hope your find a good doctor than can help you determine what's going on. I'm sorry for your loss.

Kelly


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
In reply to: amy3lynn3
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 11:46am

Thank you. When I first started watching it I was a huge Dean fan, but I have since switched over to Sam.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
In reply to: amy3lynn3
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 12:48pm

Amy ((Hugs)).

Hearts, Hugs & BFP wishes,


Lynn


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: amy3lynn3
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 3:55pm
I asked the lady who was setting up my appointment what I needed to bring. She said she would send our results from the tests we had in the past (free of charge thankfully). I asked if it would be a good idea to bring in my BBT charts and she said YES! LOL Any outside information I can bring to the consultation would be a great idea. So I printed off 3 years of BBT charts from fertility friend. LOL It may be over kill but I have a nice little binder I put them in and am ready to go. At least I have extra information to help us figure out what is wrong and what we can do.
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Lilypie 6th to 18th Ticker








Daisypath Vacation Ticker
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: amy3lynn3
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 3:57pm

Have you seen the video from after the "yellow fever" episode where Dean lip sings Eye of the Tiger? It is SOOOO funny! It makes me smile when I am having a bad day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bgd30bjQmes

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Lilypie 6th to 18th Ticker








Daisypath Vacation Ticker
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
In reply to: amy3lynn3
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 4:02pm
Sounds like you are all prepared! Hope it goes well.

Kelly


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2008
In reply to: amy3lynn3
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 9:04am

Hi Amy and welcome to the board.


First,

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