I'm having a meltdown people!
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I'm having a meltdown people!
|Mon, 12-28-2009 - 12:38pm|
Okay, so obviously today is my day for a meltdown....I even had to call my best friend who is on vacation in Dallas visiting her family...I am on the brink.
While I started my period on Friday (Merry Christmas to ME!!), today is Monday and I'm pretty much done with it...Not usual for me. My normal cycle lasts 5 days, with my heaviest bleeding on day 2-3. I barely had heavy bleeding at all, (sorry, TMI) which is leading me to believe that this is not a normal cycle after getting off the NuvaRing. So, I don't know if I should have the beta 3 integrin test done or not....the birth control had to mess up my cycle, especially since I haven't been on BC since I was 17 years old.
Dilemma #2. I am not convinced about this stupid test yet. I have been reading research study after research study regarding results of beta 3 proteins and implantation for over a month! And all of this is leading me to this conclusion: the test is inconclusive. Three research studies ended by saying, "while this test was a great gathering of information, it is as of now, still inconclusive as to what role the beta3 protein plays in implantation as we have been unable to achieve significantly same results with the biopsy month after month." You can get different results every month from the stupid test. AND beta 3 is relative to another protein being present called HOXA 10 that they don't test for anyway. BUT, apparently, both of them need to be present for implantation to occur. And, you could be missing the protein at the beginning of the implantation phase and it may show up by the time actual implantation would occur and while they try very hard to get the biopsy as close to when this would occur naturally, is it really even possible to achieve the biopsy at the time of implantation since it is as yet still unknown HOW and more specifically WHEN it happens? Its all a guess.
AND this doctor seems to push very hard for people to have this testing done. Why is that? Does he get a kick back from the lab they send the biopsy to in MD? And is he getting a kickback from the Lupron pharmaceutical company since their treatment protocol is Lupron for 3 months? Or am I over reacting to what seems like a conspiracy between the Dr's office and the pharmaceutical company???
So, do I spend $4000 to test and treat with Lupron, lose 4 months to this testing and Lupron treatment? To POSSIBLY have an answer to why I never got PG with IVF before, or maybe NO ANSWER....or do I just bite the bullet and pursue IVF for $5000 and be done with it?
AND my idiotic sister is up my BUTT to just give it up and put the money into adoption. She doesn't understand why I want to be pregnant anyway...If my end desire is to have a child for Matt and I to raise, why does it matter how we get there?
SO easy for her to say since she has 3 kids that she was able to be pregnant with and birth herself, huh?
I feel like my head is going to explode. I am afraid that people will say "I told you so" if I go forward with another IVF and it doesn't work and we wasted all that money and time that could have gone into adoption.
But I am even more scared that I am not able or ready yet to give up on my dream of having a pregnancy and having my own child. Did I just answer my own questions?