I'm having a meltdown people!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
I'm having a meltdown people!
10
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 12:38pm
 
Okay, so obviously today is my day for a meltdown....I even had to call my best friend who is on vacation in Dallas visiting her family...I am on the brink.

While I started my period on Friday (Merry Christmas to ME!!), today is Monday and I'm pretty much done with it...Not usual for me. My normal cycle lasts 5 days, with my heaviest bleeding on day 2-3. I barely had heavy bleeding at all, (sorry, TMI) which is leading me to believe that this is not a normal cycle after getting off the NuvaRing. So, I don't know if I should have the beta 3 integrin test done or not....the birth control had to mess up my cycle, especially since I haven't been on BC since I was 17 years old.

 

Dilemma #2. I am not convinced about this stupid test yet.  I have been reading research study after research study regarding results of beta 3 proteins and implantation for over a month!  And all of this is leading me to this conclusion:  the test is inconclusive. Three research studies ended by saying, "while this test was a great gathering of information, it is as of now, still inconclusive as to what role the beta3 protein plays in implantation as we have been unable to achieve significantly same results with the biopsy month after month."  You can get different results every month from the stupid test.  AND beta 3 is relative to another protein being present called HOXA 10 that they don't test for anyway.  BUT, apparently, both of them need to be present for implantation to occur.  And, you could be missing the protein at the beginning of the implantation phase and it may show up by the time actual implantation would occur and while they try very hard to get the biopsy as close to when this would occur naturally, is it really even possible to achieve the biopsy at the time of implantation since it is as yet still unknown HOW and more specifically WHEN it happens? Its all a guess.

 

AND this doctor seems to push very hard for people to have this testing done. Why is that? Does he get a kick back from the lab they send the biopsy to in MD? And is he getting a kickback from the Lupron pharmaceutical company since their treatment protocol is Lupron for 3 months?  Or am I over reacting to what seems like a conspiracy between the Dr's office and the pharmaceutical company???

 

So, do I spend $4000 to test and treat with Lupron, lose 4 months to this testing and Lupron treatment?  To POSSIBLY have an answer to why I never got PG with IVF before, or maybe NO ANSWER....or do I just bite the bullet and pursue IVF for $5000 and be done with it?

 

AND my idiotic sister is up my BUTT to just give it up and put the money into adoption.  She doesn't understand why I want to be pregnant anyway...If my end desire is to have a child for Matt and I to raise, why does it matter how we get there?

SO easy for her to say since she has 3 kids that she was able to be pregnant with and birth herself, huh?

 

I feel like my head is going to explode.  I am afraid that people will say "I told you so" if I go forward with another IVF and it doesn't work and we wasted all that money and time that could have gone into adoption.

But I am even more scared that I am not able or ready yet to give up on my dream of having a pregnancy and having my own child.  Did I just answer my own questions?

 
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Faith (35) Matt (40)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 9:41am

Thanks Ladies!


I just feel like I'm pulling my sled uphill.

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Faith (35) Matt (40)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 5:31am

Faith,


I completely understand!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 8:59pm

Hi Faith,


I'm sorry you're overwhelmed with all the decisions you have to make....that's very hard. I don't know about the Beta test you mention but go with your gut and what you feel is right for you. I'm thinking of you!!! Hang in there! Good things will come ur way.


:) Kitty

Me-30, DH newly 34, diagnosed with PCOS in Nov/Dec 2008. 3 Failed cycles of Clomid. (50mg, 100mg, 150mg) Started working with RE Nov 26. Asked for & started M

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2009
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 8:55pm

It is a very personal choice to decide on adoption over continued treatments.

Jill

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 7:16pm

Hi Faith, I am so sorry that you are having a tough day!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 2:51pm

I don't blame you, I'd be going nuts too. I hate the uncertainty of what to do, I just wish someone could predict what is going to happen and when and how so we could just go forward and deal with it. I don't know anything about that test and it's validity so I'm not much help with that sorry. But as far as your sister goes, I really wish she would keep her opinion to herself. It is no help for someone who has been easily successful of having children to tell us what we should do.

I wish I was more help here, but I am sending tons of prayers for you to come to the decision that's best for you! And many virtual hugs!

 

Kelly

I'm 38, DH is 42 and we are TTC #1. We've had 3 unexplained miscarriages and a bout with Asherman's Syndrome but we're determined.

BFP #4! - 1/
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 2:06pm

Faith,


Geez its

Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 1:55pm

Oh Faith sweetie, I'm so sorry you are having an especially hard day today.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 1:41pm

Wow, Faith, I'm so sorry you're having such a bad day. I also got an early Christmas present of AF this year. On the upside, it was loads of fun to be at the dr on Christmas Eve for a baseline US and to start shooting up on Christmas. =)

As far as your sister is concerned, that is so annoying. I HATE when people who can get pregnant so easily feel they can give us advice. And, especially when that advice is to "give up" and move on to adoption. They really just don't get it. Adoption is totally fine if you're ready to do it, but it is a highly personal decision and not one your sister can make for you!

I really wish I knew what to tell you about the test vs. IVF. (BTW, why is your ivf so inexpensive? The quotes I've gotten are for twice that, at the minimum. Maybe I need to look around.) Is your husband still wanting the test? I didn't realize it was that expensive for the testing and lupron treatment. It really makes it difficult to decide... especially when you're not sure you've just had your first cycle after the BC. Have you thought about getting a third opinion since you don't seem to trust the new RE very much? I know it is just more time and money, but it might pay off in the long run.

I hope whatever you decide brings you peace, and of course a BFP! And, I wouldn't worry about the "I told you so" comments. These are always very individual choices and you need to do what is best for you. As you pointed out, there is not even conclusive evidence that this protein makes a difference. Good luck in your decision.

(((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))

~~~~~~~

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Me- 31, DH- 31; TTC #1 since Nov. '07; No known FI issues; DH has borderline/low motility
IUI #1 on Apr. 25--BFN; IUI #2 on May 22-- BFN; IUI#3 on June 19--BFN; IUI#4 on July 17--BFN; IUI#5 on Aug. 12--BFN; IUI#6 (clomid/menopur combo, 3 follicles) on October 20-- BFN; November cycle canceled due to cyst; IUI#7 December 11 (menopur, possibly two follicles)


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ttc first

baby
happily married
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 1:26pm

( ( ( ( H U G S ) ) ) ) While I'm not sure about the testing I will agree with you on the adoption vs carrying your own baby. People keep telling me to go for adoption, but my desire to carry my own child is huge. I have nothing against adoption, I just want to be pregnant.
How long has it been since you got off the nuvaring? That could definately be why you had a weird cycle. But every so often I get a weird one, and I haven't been on anything for 4 years. Why is it every Oct my body decides to quit having AF?
I keep reading your post, but I just can't decide about this test. It does seem like a big gamble, but isn't most of the stuff we have to deal with, anyway? I don't think it's so much of a conspiracy, but doctors will push when they have deals with pharmaceutical companies.

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