A thank you and Buggie's goodbye

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
A thank you and Buggie's goodbye
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 12:54am

Hi ladies,

I am so grateful for everyone’s posts after we found out that Buggie’s heart had stopped beating and also after the D&C.  Reading all of your heartfelt words helped me more than I can say.  I appreciate all the hugs, prayers and healing thoughts for me and my DH.  As always, I’m so thankful for this board and for the friends I have here.  It’s amazing to have the outpouring of support.  A BIG thank you.    

I’ve missed chatting with all of you.  It may take me a bit to get through the posts and catch up with everyone.  But, I haven’t stopped sending good thoughts and prayers to everyone here.

DH and I have been taking this loss very hard.  And I've had a difficult time getting back into the daily grind.  I feel like I have no energy or desire to do much.

Physically, I’m doing better.  I’ve had really bad headaches this week, but they’re becoming duller instead of the sharp soreness I was feeling.  I’ve also had achy, pulling type feelings across my abdomen from hip to hip.  During my 1 week follow-up after the D&C, my OB said it’s from everything going back down to its normal size and as I thought, the headaches are from the crash in hormones, especially since I had been on the estrogen patches and progesterone.  The bleeding and spotting stopped yesterday.  Although, I did take a pregnancy test yesterday and it was still positive, although fainter. 

The physical examination of the baby came back normal.  So, now we wait for the complete pathology report with chromosome analysis, which may take up to a month.  We hope that they will be able to grow tissue and that we’ll get some sort of answer.  We have 1 more fresh IVF cycle left with the plan we purchased, so right now we plan to complete that cycle as our next step.  However, if we do get results and based on what they are we’ll have a consult with RE to decide what we’re going to do exactly.  I guess we’re hoping it was just terrible bad luck and the miscarriage was caused from a chromosome error that randomly occurred and another miscarriage most likely will not happen again if we get pg.

I also wanted to share with you what happened on our way home from the D&C.  We were less than a mile from home when DH woke me up and said “Look at that cloud, who do you think it looks like?”  I smiled and shouted “Buggie!"

Here's what I saw when DH woke me...


What do you think?  Can you see Buggie in the cloud? :)


I’m so glad that DH woke me up to see the Buggie cloud.  I felt peaceful at that moment, like Buggie was now in heaven, looking down at us to say goodbye and letting us know that he or she was okay. :)

Me (30), DH (30)  Photobucket since March '06.
4/07 & 5/07 & 6/07: Clomid 50mg - All BFN
8/07 & 9/07: IUI #1 & #2 with Femara - Both BFN
10/07: IUI #3 with Femara - BFP!, m/c :(
3/08: IUI #4 with Femara & Follistim - BFN
4/08: IUI #5 with Follistim, converted to IVF #1,10 eggs,7 fertilized ICSI, 2 transferred - BFN
6/08: IUI #5 with Femara & Follistim - BFN
7/08 to 9/08: IVF #2,10 eggs, 5 fertilized ICSI, 3 fertilized std, 2 transferred - BFN
10/08: IUI #6 with Femara & Follistim - BFP!, loss :(
11/08: IUI #7 with Femara & Follistim - BFN 
2/09 to 3/09: IVF #3,14 eggs, 8 of 10 eggs fertilized ICSI, day 5 ET of 2 blasts - BFP!, loss :(
DH's chromosome testing abnormal, moving forward with DS
8/09 to 9/09: IVF #4, canceled due to drop in estrogen after 10 days of stims
10/09 to 11/09: 4th attempt at IVF #4, 10 eggs, 5 mature, 1 fertilized ICSI with DS. Day 2 transfer on 11/14 of a grade 1+ 2-cell embie with no fragmentation.  Happy to make it to the 2ww and praying for our miracle.
Beta #1 @ 15 dpo = 152
Beta #2 @ 18 dpo = 690
7 wk u/s on 12/17: Heartbeat! 134 bpm
7w6d u/s on 12/23: 166 bpm
Next appt on 1/13, Please stick

Photobucket  Photobucket Photobucket



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 3:25am

Wow....that takes my breath away! That sure looks like buggie.
We miss you as well, but take all the time you need. I've been thinking about you every day, wondering how you were doing. I'm still sending you and your DH P&PT's to get you through this. I hope everything comes out normal with buggie and you can do you next IVF.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 8:38am

Wow Grace, that is amazing. I think it was your buggie hoping to give you some peace and let you know he/she is okay.

I hope the chromosome testing can give you some insight and a new direction to take with your next IVF. Many prayers for you and DH to get through this. Getting back to the daily grind is so hard, it is too hard to really care when you are hurting so bad.



I'm 38, DH is 42 and we are TTC #1. We've had 3 unexplained miscarriages and a bout with Asherman's Syndrome but we're determined.

BFP #4! - 1/
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 8:55am
Grace- that cloud is amazing! I have never seen a cloud a shape like that in my life, it could only be your little Buggie letting you know everything is going to be ok, how truly amazing!
Your name really suits you in how strong you are being through all this! I am sorry you are now having the bad headaches, I hope they subside soon along with the pulling between the hips. I will be hoping and praying for a great result of the analysis for you and dh and hope that with time, things will get easier for you both.
I really cannot stop thinking about that cloud and how great you were able to get a picture of it to remember forever. That is really just amazing and thank you for sharing it with us!
Thinking and praying for you,
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 9:15am
Yes, that is Buggie without a doubt! I'm glad you are feeling better physically and having moments of peace in all of this. Take as much time as you need. I'm still sending prayers for you and DH, and hope that the next steps lead to your baby in your arms.



Mason James was born 8/21/10, 8lbs 12 oz after close to 3 years of infertility.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 10:01am


Seeing that picture of that cloud made me smile and tear up at the same time. I think that was your little buggie saying everything is going to be OK and that he or she is up there watching out for your & DH:)

Although me all miss you very much please take all the time you need to get caught up here. I hope that

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 10:06am
That definitely looks like Buggie and I am glad that seeing the cloud gave you some peace.

Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 3:15pm

Wow Grace - that is certainly a sign!

~ Meron born 12-09-11 after 3 1/2 years of TTC, IUIs and IVF.
~ #2 on the way(!) and due 06-06-13.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 4:52pm
OMG Grace, I absolutely think that was Buggie letting you know that s/he was in heaven watching over you!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 7:35pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 8:03pm

I'm so happy to hear from you. I think about you everyday and hope you are doing okay. I hope your testing comes back with some answers and that you're able to continue on with your next IVF cycle.

BTW, the cloud is amazing. I can see why it would bring you comfort.



Me- 31, DH- 31; TTC #1 since Nov. '07; No known FI issues; DH has borderline/low motility
IUI #1 on Apr. 25--BFN; IUI #2 on May 22-- BFN; IUI#3 on June 19--BFN; IUI#4 on July 17--BFN; IUI#5 on Aug. 12--BFN; IUI#6 (clomid/menopur combo, 3 follicles) on October 20-- BFN; November cycle canceled due to cyst; IUI#7 December 11 (Menopur, possibly two follicles)BFN; IUI#8 January 5 (Menopur, three follies)BFN



ttc first

happily married