A thank you and Buggie's goodbye

Hi ladies,

I am so grateful for everyone’s posts after we found out that Buggie’s heart had stopped beating and also after the D&C.  Reading all of your heartfelt words helped me more than I can say.  I appreciate all the hugs, prayers and healing thoughts for me and my DH.  As always, I’m so thankful for this board and for the friends I have here.  It’s amazing to have the outpouring of support.  A BIG thank you.    

I’ve missed chatting with all of you.  It may take me a bit to get through the posts and catch up with everyone.  But, I haven’t stopped sending good thoughts and prayers to everyone here.

DH and I have been taking this loss very hard.  And I've had a difficult time getting back into the daily grind.  I feel like I have no energy or desire to do much.

Physically, I’m doing better.  I’ve had really bad headaches this week, but they’re becoming duller instead of the sharp soreness I was feeling.  I’ve also had achy, pulling type feelings across my abdomen from hip to hip.  During my 1 week follow-up after the D&C, my OB said it’s from everything going back down to its normal size and as I thought, the headaches are from the crash in hormones, especially since I had been on the estrogen patches and progesterone.  The bleeding and spotting stopped yesterday.  Although, I did take a pregnancy test yesterday and it was still positive, although fainter. 

The physical examination of the baby came back normal.  So, now we wait for the complete pathology report with chromosome analysis, which may take up to a month.  We hope that they will be able to grow tissue and that we’ll get some sort of answer.  We have 1 more fresh IVF cycle left with the plan we purchased, so right now we plan to complete that cycle as our next step.  However, if we do get results and based on what they are we’ll have a consult with RE to decide what we’re going to do exactly.  I guess we’re hoping it was just terrible bad luck and the miscarriage was caused from a chromosome error that randomly occurred and another miscarriage most likely will not happen again if we get pg.

I also wanted to share with you what happened on our way home from the D&C.  We were less than a mile from home when DH woke me up and said “Look at that cloud, who do you think it looks like?”  I smiled and shouted “Buggie!"

Here's what I saw when DH woke me...

What do you think?  Can you see Buggie in the cloud? :)

I’m so glad that DH woke me up to see the Buggie cloud.  I felt peaceful at that moment, like Buggie was now in heaven, looking down at us to say goodbye and letting us know that he or she was okay. :)

 
Me (30), DH (30)   since March '06.
4/07 & 5/07 & 6/07: Clomid 50mg - All BFN
8/07 & 9/07: IUI #1 & #2 with Femara - Both BFN
10/07: IUI #3 with Femara - BFP!, m/c :(
3/08: IUI #4 with Femara & Follistim - BFN
4/08: IUI #5 with Follistim, converted to IVF #1,10 eggs,7 fertilized ICSI, 2 transferred - BFN
6/08: IUI #5 with Femara & Follistim - BFN
7/08 to 9/08: IVF #2,10 eggs, 5 fertilized ICSI, 3 fertilized std, 2 transferred - BFN
10/08: IUI #6 with Femara & Follistim - BFP!, loss :(
11/08: IUI #7 with Femara & Follistim - BFN 
2/09 to 3/09: IVF #3,14 eggs, 8 of 10 eggs fertilized ICSI, day 5 ET of 2 blasts - BFP!, loss :(
DH's chromosome testing abnormal, moving forward with DS
8/09 to 9/09: IVF #4, canceled due to drop in estrogen after 10 days of stims
10/09 to 11/09: 4th attempt at IVF #4, 10 eggs, 5 mature, 1 fertilized ICSI with DS. Day 2 transfer on 11/14 of a grade 1+ 2-cell embie with no fragmentation.  Happy to make it to the 2ww and praying for our miracle.
Beta #1 @ 15 dpo = 152
Beta #2 @ 18 dpo = 690
7 wk u/s on 12/17: Heartbeat! 134 bpm
7w6d u/s on 12/23: 166 bpm
Next appt on 1/13, Please stick