Getting through the hard days

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010
Getting through the hard days
9
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 2:49pm

Any suggestions for how you get through the hardest days? Trying to make it through a rough one today and don't want to be self-destructive as I tend to do when I'm feeling overwhelmed emotionally. Maybe hearing some things that help others - will give me a place to start. Just having a hard time coping today. And of course in the midst of my challenging day - I get word that a friend is pregnant (by accident of course). Ugh. Yesterday I would've just been happy for them - today it just makes me feel awful. And then I feel guilty for feeling awful. Of course its wonderful news for them - but I'm just feeling beat up already this morning.

Thanks for letting me share. I don't know where else to go with all these feelings of disappointment.

Leslie Finally welcomed baby Stella on 2/25/2011 after 3+ years of TTC!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:21pm

First, don't beat yourself up for feeling upset at your friend's announcement. It is totally normal to feel that way, I'd say almost all of us have felt that way.

Second, sending you many hugs to help you get through this day and other hard ones you have. I wish I had some great advice on getting through this, the one thing I can say is allow yourself the time to vent, scream, throw things, do whatever you need to let it out.

 

Kelly

I'm 38, DH is 42 and we are TTC #1. We've had 3 unexplained miscarriages and a bout with Asherman's Syndrome but we're determined.

BFP #4! - 1/
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2006
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:36pm

First big hugs to you. God knows we have all had days like this. I would say what gets me thru days like that is thinking about all the good things

Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:41pm
Thanks Kelly. The envy bug is a tough one for me to handle. It helps a lot to hear that others go through the same struggles with it that I do. I wish I could be a Saint about it and just rejoice for other people's good news - but some days it feels like a knife in the chest. Been quite a few of them lately - so it just seems like I'm always going to be odd man out. I know there is no justice to this process - and I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with that. I hope to get there one of these days. Thanks again for the kind wishes. Just sucks that such nice people have to go through this. Some of the nicest people I know are the people who have struggled the most with conceiving. But lots of them have found success eventually - so let's just hold on to that and know there is hope!
Leslie Finally welcomed baby Stella on 2/25/2011 after 3+ years of TTC!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:46pm

It is hard to get through those days.

~ Meron born 12-09-11 after 3 1/2 years of TTC, IUIs and IVF.
~ #2 on the way(!) and due 06-06-13.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 4:18pm
I totally agree about the nicest people having to go through this. I mean the women here are so amazing and good to each other it just makes me scratch my head why it can be so unfair.

 

Kelly

I'm 38, DH is 42 and we are TTC #1. We've had 3 unexplained miscarriages and a bout with Asherman's Syndrome but we're determined.

BFP #4! - 1/
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 5:23pm

As many others have already said, don't beat yourself up over this.

Isabel
Mom to Sebastian Robert after 3+ years of infertility

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 2:59pm

Like others have said, don't beat yourself up for feeling bad about a pregnancy announcement.


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2007
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 4:26pm

Part of what I have determined is to make sure and tell yourself it is OK to have a bad day. This is some serious stuff we are going through and it is perfectly normal and acceptable to have a bad day. Sometimes I will let myself have that bad day, and be really selfish (as in, do something that makes you feel good), then get back on the optimism horse tomorrow. It takes a lot of energy to get through this and sometimes we just need to re-fuel. If that means avoiding the pregnancy news or baby showers that is OK too.

Other than that...it depends on what is causing your bad day. I have tried journaling but have only found limited help from that. Just watching a light hearted TV show or movie sometimes help. The main thing is to get away from negative thoughts and feelings. Sometimes that means for me to also get off the internet and message boards. They can make it worse because then I just get in this obsessive cycle of focusing on TTC. Find other parts of your life you enjoy (hobbies, TV shows, etc.) and make sure you focus on those also. Focus on yourself for a change and not just the TTC part of yourself.

Hope you are feeling better :)



Kathleen - TTC #1 since September 2006 (Me - 31, DH - 32). Always remembering our 3 angels.


January 2008 - Chemical P/G, April 2008 - M/C at about 7 weeks, June 2008 - Blighted Ovum


May 2009 - diagnosed Low Protein S and Hetero MTHFR - Baby aspirin, Lovenex

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 5:31pm

Sorry you are having a rough day. It is hard when we get the news our friends or family is expecting. I was told on the same day by both BIL they were expecting. It was heart wrenching. Now they are both on to number 2 and I cannot even be around them. I try to stay positive (easier said then done). Nothing with infertility is easy and I wish I had the magic words that would make everything better. I find it easy to dive into something I love or the people that I love to be around. I hope your day gets better and you have a better one tomorrow.


Katrina

Me ~ 31  DH ~ 33  TTC #1 since August 2002. Dealing with mild Endo, PCOS, D