Why do I do this to myself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
Why do I do this to myself?
10
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 1:59pm

I was so sure.
I let myself think it was. I waited patiently not saying a word to anyone. 1 day, 2 days, 5 days, 8 days...nothing. It happened before, so it could happen again right?  I let my mind wander to the what ifs, the maybes and the future. I was happy. I was excited. I shouldn't have done that. Especially when I didn't know for sure.

Now I know it's not to be and I'm sad. I'm angry at myself for the silly mindgames I was playing. I've never been that late before (except for my pregnancy with Mason). I felt pregnant. I felt like I did with my son. Today I was going to get a HPT to make sure. I had thought of some possible ways to tell DH.
I feel foolish.
I should know better then this. It doesn't happen like that for me. I wish it did.
Sometimes life sucks and there is nothing I can do about it.


Sorry for the vent. I'm just not a happy girl today.

Photobucket  

 



       Sugarplum Blinkie    Photobucket


  

Photobucket

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 8:38pm

that was just down right EVIL of AF...makes me hate her even more now! Dirty tricks!


I have no idea why I didn't POAS..or 5 of them. I was kind of thinking that maybe I should of and maybe I would know if it was a chemical pregnancy. I guess I'll never know...onward and upward on this rocky journey right?

Photobucket
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 8:36pm
Thank you Megan.
I have no idea why I waited so long to POAS!! I just thought it would show anytime...and days passed. It also helped that we were so busy! Like you said, it's hard not to get your hopes up when AF is that late..and I'm like clockwork..on time, all the time. Ugh.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Photobucket
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2009
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 3:24pm

I can't believe AF was 8 days late...how evil!!! I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. IF is so unfair.


Also, I marvel at your ability to abstain from POAS! I've gone through so many HPTs days before I'm even due to start.

-Jamie


Me 34, DH 36. TTC since November 2007. Possible miscarriage in January of 2008 (too early for BFP, but all symptoms point to miscarriage). Normal SA in Feb 2009. Later told low motility. HSG showed large (50% of uterus) fundal fibroid in Feb 2009. Hysteroscopically removed in March 2009. Tried to concieve naturally until August 2009. Repeat HSG was normal.



  • 08/09 - 01/10 6 cycles of Clomid and timed BD, all BFN
  • IUI #1, Clomid

-Jamie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2009
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 1:36pm

I'm so sorry AF showed, and even more sorry it took its time showing up, giving you false hope.

Finally pregnant after 3 yrs of ttc and 3 losses. Lilypie Pregnancy tickers EDD: 9/18/11
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 8:27pm

I was wondering that, but I guess there is no way to know since I didn't take an early pregnancy test. I just kept waiting and waiting...and waiting..and feeling off. I do feel 10X worse then I usually do..and the cramping has been worse too..so who knows.


Ugh. this rollercoaster ride sucks!! LOL

Photobucket
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 8:25pm

It does mean something to have a place to whine and complain to, and be honest about how I'm feeling...and know that someone understands, or has done the same thing.


I just still feel so crappy. Nauseaus, sore breasts, feeling bloated, etc..So not like how I usually feel. I just wish it was for something good!

Photobucket
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 4:02pm

Oh hun I am SO sorry. What a sad day for you. I know what you mean about seeing what you think are PG signs. Every time I have heartburn, feel a little dizzy, or are queezy I think this is it. I wait and try not to think about it but eventually I break down and buy the HPT. Of course it is negative but it is one of the worst moments to see only one line.


I wish there was something I could say to make it better. We are here for you though. Hopefully that offers something.

Dixie


"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella


M/C November 2009


Metformin December 2009


Clomid #1 50mg April 2010 = no O :-(


Clomid #2 100mg May 2010 = BFN


Clomid #3 150mg July 2010 = BFN


Photobucket


Photobucket


Photobucket


Dixie


"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2006
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 3:57pm
That sucks. I wonder if it was a chemical pregnancy? It is hard being on the ttc roller coaster with all the ups and downs. Hang in there.

Christy
TTC 1st child since 2006
June 16, 2010: IUI w/ Femara BFP (Ectopic - Methotrexate shot) RE sidelined me until November cycle for next IUI :(

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2007
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 3:04pm

Thank you.


I'm just totally bummed. I have been so nauseous lately which is not like me at all...so that was one more thing that led me to hope! Ugh.

Photobucket
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2009
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 2:19pm
I'm so sorry this is a bad day for you.

Tamar

TTC #1 since Feb '09 with Unexplained Infertility: SA's all ok; b/w and HSG ok; Lap Mar '10 - mild endo on outside of right tube/uterus removed but not considered eno