I can't believe she said that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
I can't believe she said that!
7
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 6:40pm

Ok so I was at work today. There is a woman there who works part time who unfortunately knows my IF secret. Not by my choice she just happened to be around during my m/c. Well today was the first day we really have talked since my terrible RE experience. (For those of you who don't know my RE basically told me I was too fat for them to help me and they would not even consider doing anything for at LEAST 4 more months assuming I could lose at LEAST 20lbs in that time). So I told her what had happened and she told me well it was easier for me to lose weight at this age anyway. That made me upset. I have struggled with my weight my whole life so it is not like I have not been trying. Unfortunately it is not that easy.


Then she said that DREADED statement "This is just from one old mother to a young girl but you just need to relax. I know if you relax things will happen" It was all I had not to shout at her! I slowly turned and said "I am not ovulating so no matter how much I relax I won't get pregnant without ovulating" She just made me SO mad. Like somehow I am responsible for this not happening because I simply am not relaxed enough. I wanted to ask her if anyone or anything stood in the way of her having a baby. Because if not she had NO idea what I was going through and would not give me awful advice like that. I just hate that people think that is a good suggestion. If only they could understand how hurtful that statement is.


Sorry this was a long ramble but I knw you ladeis will understand how upsetting this can be.

Dixie


"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella


M/C November 2009


Metformin December 2009


Clomid #1 50mg April 2010 = no O :-(


Clomid #2 100mg May 2010 = BFN


Clomid #3 150mg July 2010 = BFN


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Dixie


"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 9:58pm

Thanks everyone! I knew posting here and hearing all your wonderful comments would help. Thankfully I only have a couple days left at the job where she works (my last day is September 2). Then I am switching to a new job. The hours are different so it will give me a chance to have 3 days off where I can focus on gym and swimming. My goal is to add more exercise as I know that is a big help for me.


Thanks so much Sarah for the link I will totally take a look! I have struggled a long time with my weight and I am being much more concious of it now then I have been recently. It was like after my wedding I just let loose. Well I am tightening down more and I am seeing some success slowly.


As to the RE I have a new appointment with a different RE September 15th. Fingers crossed it ends better then the last one!

Dixie


"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella


M/C November 2009


Metformin December 2009


Clomid #1 50mg April 2010 = no O :-(


Clomid #2 100mg May 2010 = BFN


Clomid #3 150mg July 2010 = BFN


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Dixie


"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 8:31pm

I can not believe she said that to you! You must be a strong women to no have yelled at her. But if you did...could anyone really blame you. People who have never went through IF don't know what it is like.

I will be sending you SBV's.

Carrie


TTC since August 2008. Unknown infertility


IUI w/ Clomid #1 September 2009 , BFP with twins in October, miscarriage at 8 weeks 1 day and 8 weeks 3 days


IUI w/ Clomid #2 February 2010, no luck there.


IUI w/ Clomid #3 March 2010, BFN


IUI w/ Clomid #4 April 2010,BFP chemical pregnancy.


IUI w/ Injectables #1 May 2010, BFP with twins and very good beat numbers. Heart beats in the 160's


Due date 1/28/2011.


We're having a baby boy and baby girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2009
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 12:19pm

I hate those

Tamar

TTC #1 since Feb '09 with Unexplained Infertility: SA's all ok; b/w and HSG ok; Lap Mar '10 - mild endo on outside of right tube/uterus removed but not considered eno

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 9:47am
GRRR! Dixie, that comment boils my blood! I wouldn't blame you one bit if you took her aside today and told her how offensive that comment is, now that you've had a chance to cool off from her idiotic statement. I'll never understand why people feel the need to say ridiculous stuff like that.
Kelly





Kelly


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 10:37pm
I cannot believe some of the things people who are unaffected by IF say! I am sure she thought she was being helpful but if you don't understand... DON'T give advice!! I am sorry you had to hear that. :(

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 9:28pm

Dixie,


I have been totally out of the loop since school started - I still can't belive we have been back for three weeks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 7:40pm

Dixie,


I am sorry. Some people are just insensitive about the whole IF issue. Since they have not had to endure the endless months of BFN's, or the multiple sticks from meds they should not be able to give advice. They instead should give words of encouragement. I too have had my fair share of it will happen when it will happen or you are trying to hard. I too do not ovulate on my own and I also have Endo on top of it. I wish it was that easy to get pregnant. It would save me the heartache each month and my savings account.


I also struggle with the weight issue and most of it has to do with my medical issue so I can understand where you are coming from there. There have been clinics I have looked into but my BMI does not fit their qualifications. The real reason they do not want us there is because it could lower their success rate since we have a hard time achieving pregnancy. I hope you have found a RE who does not judge or base their practice on weight.


Me ~ 31  DH ~ 33  TTC #1 since August 2002. Dealing with mild Endo, PCOS, D