Feeling really down

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Feeling really down
7
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 9:18am

Yesterday I hit my breaking point. I have been trying to hold up so well and act like I am ok but I am not ok. I am emotionally and financially drained. My bills are stacking up and just learning I have to fork out the full 5000 for my FET just sent me spiraling down yesterday. I am stressing over my FET that is in a few weeks. I can’t help but think it will not work and then how am I going to get another 5000 for another round. I see pregnant women all the time and people at work talking about their new grandbabies or the 6 babies that have been born in my department recently. I am not sure how much longer I can put myself through this. My family is states away and just do not understand my feelings with my fertility. I do not expect them to but I cannot hear it will happen or just have faith anymore. It is so depressing to watch thousands of dollars fly out of my savings and I have nothing to show for it. I can’t help but wonder why I was chosen to go through this. I am a good mom and a loving person and just want to add to my family. I feel like life is passing me by as I sit in this hell of infertility.


 


Thank you so much for listening. I feel only the women on this board can relate to the struggles and emotions that I am feeling right now.

Me ~ 31  DH ~ 33  TTC #1 since August 2002. Dealing with mild Endo, PCOS, Diabetes, and MFI.


DD ~ 5/97 previous marriage


2 rounds of Clomid 2004 – BFN


First RE consult 2008 but was not the right time financially.


IUI #1 with Bravelle 2/10 – BFN


IUI #2 with Bravelle 3/10 – canceled do to low response. Timed BD = BFN


IVF #1 July 2010 ~ 30 Eggs retrieved and 23 frozen. OHSS so no transfer. :(


FET #1 1st week Oct 2010


Katrina


 

Me ~ 31  DH ~ 33  TTC #1 since August 2002. Dealing with mild Endo, PCOS, D

Avatar for trinigirl2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 8:23pm

Hey Ruonaka,


Me - (Amanda 27) My dh-- 26 We have been ttc # 1 for 3yrs 5mths My dh has severe oligospermia, Ivf with icsi is our only option. Ivf # 1--- failed Ivf # 2--- failed Ivf # 3-- hopefully in March 2013 at a new clinic!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2009
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 11:34am

"This too shall pass".... I know, I know, you probably hear this all the time.

Finally pregnant after 3 yrs of ttc and 3 losses. Lilypie Pregnancy tickers EDD: 9/18/11
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Mon, 09-06-2010 - 10:36pm
Thank you all for all your support and kind words. I have always been down for the last 8yrs not being able to have another child but have always been able to manage it. I did not realize how overwhelming it was going to get when

Me ~ 31  DH ~ 33  TTC #1 since August 2002. Dealing with mild Endo, PCOS, D

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2006
Sun, 09-05-2010 - 7:40pm
I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed right now. I really hate that money is a key point of stress for many couples undergoing fertility treatments. You can count me as one of them. I get so mad at the insurance companies who don't cover this stuff. I hate that everything is so darn expensive and we don't have a 100% guaranty of coming home with a baby.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 6:23pm

Hun I am so sorry that this week was your breaking point. It is so hard to watch so many others become blessed with babies and we are doing everything we can to get that chance. I wish there was something I could say to make it all go away. I was in the same spot last week and I am finally starting to climb out of it. People are not lying when they say this is a roller coaster. Some weeks we are up and others we are WAY down.


All we can do is help bring up those when they are in the down with the knowledge that they will do the same for us when we slide down. So this is me offering you love and hope to help bring you back up from the downs.

Dixie


"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella


TTC since April 2009


M/C November 2009


Metformin December 2009


Clomid #1 50mg April 2010 = no O :-(


Clomid #2 100mg May 2010 = BFN


Clomid #3 150mg July 2010 = BFN


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Dixie


"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2009
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 1:48pm
I'm so sorry you're feeling stressed and down about everything.

Tamar

TTC #1 since Feb '09 with Unexplained Infertility: SA's all ok; b/w and HSG ok; Lap Mar '10 - mild endo on outside of right tube/uterus removed but not considered eno

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2009
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 10:56am


Katrina, I am really sorry that you feel so weighed down by the stress of it all. The money part of IF is enough to drive a sane person crazy, and then the deep emotional strain becomes all consuming. Together, these stresses can be crippling.

I don't have a lot of advice, as I also often succumb to the same feelings. Why me? Did I do something to make the universe/God/karma think I don't deserve a child? When do I give up? But those questions are unanswerable to me right now, so I keep going. I am not ready to give up or give in to infertility, but there may be a point when I am. Don't give up yet- fight this and get the second child you want. Your body produced all those eggs for a reason- get your baby!

Big hugs to you, and I hope you can find a way to enjoy the long week-end ahead.

Andrea

Lilypie Maternity tickers


May Baby

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