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|Sat, 09-04-2010 - 1:31pm|
I'm needing to vent!
I went in this AM for b/w and u/s (CD9) after femara, clomid and injectables and I only had one follie at 19 on the right side. I am so frustrated that all these pills and injections can only ever seem to produce one follicle. It is so much money to spend every month on medications and I have a lifetime limit on benefits for that, which I've used up about 25% of and we haven't gone as far as IVF yet.
It just seems to me that after 6 IUIs using different medications and different schedules that it isn't ever going to work. I would like to move on to IVF, but I am concerned that if I am not responding to the injectables for the IUI cycles, what kind of luck will I have in terms of a successful ER with we do decide to go the IVF route. I so hate that my body just won't cooperate with me.
I lost 20 pounds a year ago over a period of about a year and I've managed to keep it off. I've given up alcohol and caffeine. Oh how I miss my coffee fix. It just isn't fair!!! I will likely O early this week and I can't miss work to go for the IUI (what teacher misses the first day of school with a new class?). We'll try naturally of course but it's hard to put your heart into it when everything just seems so hopeless. DH wants to try 2 or 3 more cycles before spending money on an IVF cycle but I feel like we're wasting our time with this.
Labour Day Saturday and DH has gone away hunting, all my friends have family plans/parties for the weekend, my girlfriends are all busy and my parents are away until next week. I can't believe how miserable and alone I'm feeling right now. I wish I'd known 3 years ago what I was in for with this journey. It would have been nice to have someone tell me it was going to be like this. It would still hurt to have known that I was infertile but at least I would have known that I was in for such a long and difficult journey.
I'm sure the large number of pg friends and new babies arriving lately hasn't helped. I try so hard to be happy for my friends but it really isn't easy. Especially for the ones who complain about their baby not sleeping at night, or how tired they are, or whatever baby related difficulty they are having. Sorry to be such a total drag but I'm just feeling so miserable and hopeless.
~ TTC since 2007
~ BFP May 2009 after 2nd cycle of clomid
~ MC July 2009
~ IUIs starting April 2010
~ Weak BFP April 2010 followed by slightly late AF/MC
~ May 2010 - August 2010 IUIs with injectables, all BFN
~ September 2010 - Throwing everything at me - injectables, clomid and femara - Hopefully the works will get the job done.... waiting again!