friends with benefits

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
friends with benefits
1
Wed, 06-09-2004 - 9:51pm
I was just wondering what everyone here thought about having a "friend with benefits". I had always thought of it as a bad thing, and somewhat skanky I guess, untill now. I have been casually sleeping with a guy. The thing that makes my situation somewhat unique I guess is that this guy is my ex-boyfriend, and he's the only guy I've ever slept with. We are not back together, we have just been sleeping together.

Has anyone here had an experience with a friends with benefits situation? I guess my major concern is that I will get hurt (eventhough I have talked about that with him). Sex is strongly tied to emotion, at least for me. Yet, we seem to be having a really good time together, and we enjoy each other's company. I certainly don't want our current "relationship" to end. However, I sometimes wonder what would happen if I got asked out by another guy, would I have to end the "benefits" relationship with my ex? I'm not quite sure how this works.

Any experiences or advice are appreaciated. Let me know how any of you have dealt with a casual relationship like this... Thanks!

Stacey

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2004
Sat, 06-12-2004 - 5:48pm
I was in a somewhat similar situation.

My ex from high school, I had just graduated from college, proposed a similar situation.

I didn't have feelings for him anymore and had dated two guys since him but I decided to anyway.

We slept together just about every weekend for a month or two, then he got a girlfriend and didn't tell me. He did stop sleeping with me.

After he broke up with his girlfriend he wanted to restart our relationship and we did.

After the girlfriend the relationship became much more about sex, before we actually did stuff together so it wasn't quite as sexually driven.

I ended up feeling really used. He would basically come over, sleep with me and then leave immediately after he got off.

I broke off the relationship over a year ago and I am much happier now.

He was the first guy I had been with also. I had been with two men since being with him.