First Time Sex = Painful
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First Time Sex = Painful
| Mon, 07-12-2004 - 11:42am |
I had intercourse for the first time this weekend with my long-term boyfriend (it was the first time for both of us and we are in our early 20's). Lets just say we had a difficult time with penetration - I experienced a lot of pain and it felt like he wasn't able to go in all the way and that got me to wondering exactly how far into a woman a man should be able to get? I am quite petite and, although I haven't seen any others, I think my boyfriend is well endowed - could this be causing a problem - I mean is there only so far that he is going to be able to go in? We tried several positions and lubrication, but it just didn't seem to be going in all the way. He said it was much tighter than he imagined it would be, so is it just a matter of trying enough times until I get "stretched out"? I just don't know what to think and I am very frustrated - mostly because I have no idea what is "normal" and all my friends are virgins, so they can't really lend any advice.

If it still continues to be a problem make an appointment to see your gyn and talk with her or him about it. Sometimes the hymen can be thick and a gyn will have to surgically break it, which is fairly common.
Have fun practicing,
Diane
PS
The first few times may hurt a little and you might be a little sore afterwards, which will wear off with time. But trust me it's worth it.
Edited 7/12/2004 2:51 pm ET ET by zimmergrl
I agree with the other member who said you probably need to relax. Take things very slowly with plenty of foreplay. He may not need it but we usually do especially the first few times when we aren't sure what to expect and are nervous. Let him know what you like and teach him how to please you. Lovemaking is like any other skill, you need to learn about your body and his and what techniques work well for both of you. Then practice until you're good at it. The vagina is a one size-fits-most organ and when fully aroused it expands considerably so once you are relaxed and aroused you will probably be ok. You should be using an effective method of contraception, and if there is ANY doubt about being free of sexually transmitted Infections (STIs) you also need to use latex or polyurethane condoms (until you are both tested and found negative for all of them) as they are the only method that will protect against STIs. Just take things slowly and enjoy one another. Let us know how you are doing, ok?
Good luck,
Jill
My husband and I have been married for 1 year, and together for five. I am a small woman too, and sex hurt at first. Actually, we still have problems with painful sex but that is because it took a long time for me to go to someone for help. Just recently I went to the gyno and FINALLY I found someone who would tell me that, yes, I do have a small vagina, yes, it happens to other women, and yes, there is something you can do to help. Much of the research you will find on the internet and even some of the professionals you will talk to will dismiss your concerns and tell you that sex should not be painful. Don't listen to them.
The other posters are right, relaxing and taking it slow will help. Open your hands (you will find you are probably clenching them most of the time) and focus on your breathing - not his. If you relax and focus on thoughts that turn you on, you will feel yourself begin to open up. Make sure your BF knows that foreplay is extremely important.
If you still are having painful sex after a few tries, go to your gyno. If she dismisses your concerns, go to someone else. My gyno figured out the problem when she tried to give me a pelvic exam and I was in agony. And to my surprise, they actually gave me something to help! I don't know what your gyno will give you, but mine gave me a set of syringes in increasing sizes to stick "up there" until I could fit the largest one without pain.
Sorry this got so long...I just wanted you to know that this is completely normal, even though many people will say it's not, and if sex continues to be painful, get help!!! I waited far too long to do so.
Andrea
Andrea
Wife to Chris since 7-13-03
Mom to Alyssa (10-10-05)
Expecting Baby GIRL #2 in May!
So many things can contribute to your vagina tightening. Fear of the unknown-not knowing what to expect when he inserts his penis can be scary....but as long as he is gentle and patient. I myself was so tight at first that it actually hurt my husband! But now he can go all the way in right to my cervix with ease. Sometimes having a glass of red wine helps to relax you. Just don't drink too much or both of you won't be coordinated enough to do anything! Also, during foreplay, which you must have, it might help if he inserts one finger at a time inside of you, slowly and gently. When one finger becomes comfortable, try two, and so on. But please please please see your doctor. You will be so glad you did! Just be patient, it will happen, and eventually it will become easy as a wink! Remember, if I am a petit five foot two and my husband is a large six foot six and I CAN DO IT, you will be able to do it too! GOOD LUCK AND HAVE FUN! KEEP US UPDATED!
well good luck and just remember nice and slow...