First Time Sex = Painful

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
First Time Sex = Painful
8
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 11:42am
I had intercourse for the first time this weekend with my long-term boyfriend (it was the first time for both of us and we are in our early 20's). Lets just say we had a difficult time with penetration - I experienced a lot of pain and it felt like he wasn't able to go in all the way and that got me to wondering exactly how far into a woman a man should be able to get? I am quite petite and, although I haven't seen any others, I think my boyfriend is well endowed - could this be causing a problem - I mean is there only so far that he is going to be able to go in? We tried several positions and lubrication, but it just didn't seem to be going in all the way. He said it was much tighter than he imagined it would be, so is it just a matter of trying enough times until I get "stretched out"? I just don't know what to think and I am very frustrated - mostly because I have no idea what is "normal" and all my friends are virgins, so they can't really lend any advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 2:48pm
The first time is awkward and confusing. If you are nervous it causes your body to tense up and cause the muscles in and around your vagina to constrict which may be the cause of your problems. Also, if your hymen is still intact it may not break easily and cause this issue. Just relax, take your time and go slow. Also, if you are petite and he is rather large it may just take practice.

If it still continues to be a problem make an appointment to see your gyn and talk with her or him about it. Sometimes the hymen can be thick and a gyn will have to surgically break it, which is fairly common.

Have fun practicing,

Diane

PS

The first few times may hurt a little and you might be a little sore afterwards, which will wear off with time. But trust me it's worth it.


Edited 7/12/2004 2:51 pm ET ET by zimmergrl

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Mon, 07-12-2004 - 8:40pm
Hi historyluver, welcome!

I agree with the other member who said you probably need to relax. Take things very slowly with plenty of foreplay. He may not need it but we usually do especially the first few times when we aren't sure what to expect and are nervous. Let him know what you like and teach him how to please you. Lovemaking is like any other skill, you need to learn about your body and his and what techniques work well for both of you. Then practice until you're good at it. The vagina is a one size-fits-most organ and when fully aroused it expands considerably so once you are relaxed and aroused you will probably be ok. You should be using an effective method of contraception, and if there is ANY doubt about being free of sexually transmitted Infections (STIs) you also need to use latex or polyurethane condoms (until you are both tested and found negative for all of them) as they are the only method that will protect against STIs. Just take things slowly and enjoy one another. Let us know how you are doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:20pm
Hi,

My husband and I have been married for 1 year, and together for five. I am a small woman too, and sex hurt at first. Actually, we still have problems with painful sex but that is because it took a long time for me to go to someone for help. Just recently I went to the gyno and FINALLY I found someone who would tell me that, yes, I do have a small vagina, yes, it happens to other women, and yes, there is something you can do to help. Much of the research you will find on the internet and even some of the professionals you will talk to will dismiss your concerns and tell you that sex should not be painful. Don't listen to them.

The other posters are right, relaxing and taking it slow will help. Open your hands (you will find you are probably clenching them most of the time) and focus on your breathing - not his. If you relax and focus on thoughts that turn you on, you will feel yourself begin to open up. Make sure your BF knows that foreplay is extremely important.

If you still are having painful sex after a few tries, go to your gyno. If she dismisses your concerns, go to someone else. My gyno figured out the problem when she tried to give me a pelvic exam and I was in agony. And to my surprise, they actually gave me something to help! I don't know what your gyno will give you, but mine gave me a set of syringes in increasing sizes to stick "up there" until I could fit the largest one without pain.

Sorry this got so long...I just wanted you to know that this is completely normal, even though many people will say it's not, and if sex continues to be painful, get help!!! I waited far too long to do so.

Andrea



Andrea

Wife to Chris since 7-13-03
Mom to Alyssa (10-10-05)
Expecting Baby GIRL #2 in May!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 8:06pm
You are not alone! I have been married two and a half years and just turned 21. My husband is 23. Both of us were virgins before we got married. My husband is six foot three and I am only five foot two! So I know what you mean about size difference! It took my husband and I a good week of trying and tearful frusteration on my part, thinking something was wrong with me. And everywhere I researched, nothing seemed to acknowledge this as a real actual problem. I too finally worked up the courage to go to my doctor, and was greatly relieved to find that she sees the same problem with other women on a regular basis. I was also given the different type of syringes. It was perfect and helped tremendously because I could control how fast I inserted them, and I could relax a lot better and didn't feel pressure to get it in as fast as I could. I was able to take my time, and very soon afterwards, I was having sex like a normal healthy women and was non too pleased!

So many things can contribute to your vagina tightening. Fear of the unknown-not knowing what to expect when he inserts his penis can be scary....but as long as he is gentle and patient. I myself was so tight at first that it actually hurt my husband! But now he can go all the way in right to my cervix with ease. Sometimes having a glass of red wine helps to relax you. Just don't drink too much or both of you won't be coordinated enough to do anything! Also, during foreplay, which you must have, it might help if he inserts one finger at a time inside of you, slowly and gently. When one finger becomes comfortable, try two, and so on. But please please please see your doctor. You will be so glad you did! Just be patient, it will happen, and eventually it will become easy as a wink! Remember, if I am a petit five foot two and my husband is a large six foot six and I CAN DO IT, you will be able to do it too! GOOD LUCK AND HAVE FUN! KEEP US UPDATED!

Avatar for azurea
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 3:27pm
When DH and I started dating, we had the same problem. I am very small and thin and he is tall and weighs twice what I do. The first time we tried to have sex, we couldn't get it in at all and it was really frustrating. Within the week, we were having a lot of sex and fitting was no longer an issue. Just take your time and have fun. The more that you get used to being with each other in a sexul way, the more you will relax and the easier it will be. Good luck:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 3:09pm
My first time hurt me as well but you need to take your time and do it slow BUT he needs to be on you. So he is pushing to go in...It's going to hurt but just take your time and it will go in...

well good luck and just remember nice and slow...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:19pm
A friend of mine had this problem, and her gyno recommended she practice with a well-lubricated dildo or vibrator. If you and your BF are comfortable playing with devices, it's also worth a try. He can be involved in the process so if you feel weird about it, just turn it into a fun way of trying something new and different together. I actually had the same problem with my current boyfriend (he's 6'5" and I'm 5'2") -- two times it actually led to slight bleeding, which was really scary. But we started doing exactly what someone else on this post recommended, which is that he puts in one finger at a time until I'm "stretched out" enough for us to have sex. That worked wonders.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 12:09am
sorry but its been at least 10 years ago when i was virgin...i think i know what i am doing...sorry but thanks for ur advice