Bad At New Positions

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Bad At New Positions
1
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 1:43pm
Hi,

My husband and I have always had problems with sex. Just recently I went to the gyno and was diagnosed with (TMI ALERT!) a small vagina. They gave me some things to help stretch me out and they are helping a little, but I am still having a problem. My husband really wants me to try new positions but I am having a lot of trouble with them. Missionary remains the only one I can actually do. We've tried woman-on-top and doggystyle, and it just doesn't seem to want to "go in," especially with woman-on-top. I think part of the problem has to do with my sensitivity to pain during sex, and I also feel like I am just not getting the mechanics right, especially when I am on top of him.

Last night I ended up getting really upset because I got a little frusturated during foreplay, and he said we should just stop because I wasn't going to be able to do a different position anyway, and he wasn't in the mood for "same-old same-old" missionary. I got really mad at him for using those words, and I went to sleep feeling like a huge failure. I am tired of being a failure at sex, and this has alway been a problem with us. Can anyone help me???

Thanks In Advance,

Andrea



Andrea

Wife to Chris since 7-13-03
Mom to Alyssa (10-10-05)
Expecting Baby GIRL #2 in May!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 5:34pm
Hi Andrea, Welcome!

I’m sorry you’re having such a frustrating time of it. You are not a failure! Yep, it’s a challenge but if he’s a sympathetic and gentle man he can be so much help in getting you both through this. With me, astride DF at first I tended to tighten up but I soon learned to relax in the saddle. Are you using your syringes to loosen up and relax beforehand? Your DH could do about the same thing for you by gently inserting a finger into your vagina and caressing you until you relax, then inserting two fingers and eventually three. But it would have to be done in a loving and totally relaxed way. No time pressure… None of this “well we have been at this for x minutes and nothing is happening…” You are so right! As long as there is tension between you it is extremely difficult to relax, and, if you are to the point that you associate pain with IC that can make it even harder to overcome being so tense. Mmmm… how about a little drinkie-poo before getting started, just enough to take the edge off a bit for both of you? And, have you tried setting a mood with candle light, and soft music? It does sound as though you have made progress with your syringes set. As a last resort, have you thought about the two of you seeing a sex therapist? Let us know how you’re doing, ok?

Hugs,

      Jill