just starting out- am i defective?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
just starting out- am i defective?!
5
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 9:45am
Hi, my name is Melinda and I'm 18 years old and a virgin. I've been going with my boyfriend for about a year and we used to just make out- but recently we decided to try to branch out. Thing is, I've never really been interested in sex- like, physically interested- very much at all, pretty much my entire life. However, I started wanting more but then a strange thing happened. He tried rubbing my clitoris etc a couple of times and I was actually lubricating BUT I pretty much didn't feel ANYTHING, except for maybe the first couple of seconds. I've never masturbated because I just haven't ever wanted to so I didn't have any ideas but he had done it before with his previous girlfriend and was as perplexed as I was. Now I'm getting confused and paranoid as I think about how un-lustful I am... I'm wondering, am I a dud? Or does that just not work for some girls? The thing is, I hardly ever feel like I'm interested in exploring sexual sensations in general... it's weird cause I WISH I had more desire and could feel these things. And I might be paranoid, but I also am starting to think that my interest in the idea of sex in general has distinctly decreased in recent months. Another thing that's odd is that my periods are, and have always been really irregular and far apart, like every 2-4 months. Could that be related? Am I like a defective woman or something?

Mindi

Edited 7/22/2004 9:56 am ET ET by mindibko


Edited 7/22/2004 10:01 am ET ET by mindibko

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 12:19pm
i am the exact same way. i have a very low interest in sex, don't really masturbate at all, nothing. i'm 19 now, and the first time a guy rubbed my clit it didn't feel good at all. at first i didn't feel anything, then there was this sharp pain. you know how sometimes when your foot falls asleep, it really hurts? like it's being pricked by a bunch of needles or something? well that's what it felt like.

my periods are also very irregular too. i started taking the pill when i was 14 because i'd always get my periods every 2 - 4 months. even on the pill they were irregular. i've tried 5 different kinds. about a year ago i started taking cyclin and i'd get my period every 3 weeks and it would last for about 10 days. then 5 months ago i switched to demulin and haven't had a period since! i stopped taking all medications i was on a month ago. still no period.

it would make sense if the two were related. we could just have some sort of hormonal imbalance. that may be something you should talk to your doctor about. you're not "defective" or anything. some women just have lower sex drives than others.

most of the time i'm not interested in anything sexual. but i have a wild imagination and i'm always daydreaming. have you tried fantasizing? that could help. maybe read some erotic novels (not the super cheesy ones though). there was a pretty good one that a friend recommended to me. it's part of the "bride quest" series by Claire Delacroix. i think it was the first one in the series, called "the princess". it was really funny (especially near the end). it also wasn't too erotic. i'd like to read the other three in the series (the temptress, the heiress, and the countess).

well, i hope this helped a little. i know i feel better just knowing that i'm not alone.

Avatar for azurea
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 3:43pm
I would try to start out by getting used to masturbating since that way you don't need to worry about how he will react to you. Get yourself in the mood by taking a long bath, buying something sexy to play dress up in, looking at porn if that helps, etc. Then lay down on the bed on your stomach and insert your ring finger and your middle finger and use your body to pump. Sorry if this is way tmi, but I know that I have never been able to reach orgasm just by fingering my clitoris. Try not to stop until you reach orgasm, but at the same time, try not to worry about orgasm too much. Focus on fantasy rather than on reality. If none of this works, you might want to try to think back to your past. Is it possible that you were taught that sex is dirty and that these thoughts might be hanging in the back of your mind? If so, you might need to deal with that, too. Good luck:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 8:14pm

Hi Mindi,


You mentioned irregular cycles in your post and we have several links that cover the topic of menstruation if you'd like to check them out.


Gynecological Information:


http://www.ivillage.com/topics/health/0,10707,166038,00.html


Menstruation topics:


http://www.ivillage.com/topics/health/0,10707,232769,00.html


M is for Menstruation:


http://www.ivillagehealth.com/conditions/reproductive/articles/0,,232769_249648,00.html


Irregular Periods:


http://www.ivillage.com/topics/health/0,,417290,00.html


Menstrual Disorders:


http://www.ivillagehealth.com/library/nwh/content/0,,215912_227202,00.html


Women's Health Overview:


http://www.ivillagehealth.com/library/nwh/content/0,,215912_409672,00.html


Gynecology Board:


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhgynconcern

IVHealth Ruth Ann
Assistant Community Moderator/Health Librarian
rjohnson@mail.ivillage.com

IVHealth Ruth Ann
Community Leader/Ask the Health Librarian

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 1:59am
Hey zooid if you're still around I wanted to ask you if you've talked to your doctor about it? It really does seem like we have the same problem but you've made more progress towards a solution, any more info. about your experiences would be great!


Edited 7/23/2004 2:15 am ET ET by mindibko
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 2:40pm
i have a hard time talking to anybody in person about a lot of things - especially my doctor. but i do have an appointment to see him next week and i think i'll try talking to him about it. if i can't, then i'll wait until i go back to college in september and i'll talk to the doctor there.

i guess i have made a lot of progress so far, but i still have a long way to go.

if you'd like to talk about anything, or if you have any questions, you can e-mail me at zooidz@hotmail.com.