loosing my virginity is too painful

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2004
loosing my virginity is too painful
1
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 9:05am
i'm a virgin, and my boyfriend and i decided to start having sex almost 3 monthes ago. but the penetration is too painful, and i can't go ahead with it, we haven't tried lubricants though. once, at some point i felt that my hymen broke and there was some blood for a day or two. but the pain is just too strong when we try again, and boy have we!, it feels like i'm being ripped up... i'm wonedering if this is natural, or if it's just me... tips, please!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 11:15am
Hi pishkeu, welcome!

The art of making love takes a while and a lot of practice to learn correctly. However, one of the first things you need to do since you have decided to become sexually active is get on a good birth control method if you aren't on one already. Withdrawal is not effective if you are serious about not wanting to get pg. If you both have not been tested for Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and been found free of them you need to use condoms. Condoms are the only effective method in preventing transmission of STIs. For information about contraception visit the iVillage birth control board at: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhcontracept

As far as the act itself is concerned I’ve found it as much psychological as physical for me. I need to be relaxed and feel safe and desired before I can become aroused. A woman has much different needs than a man as far as arousal is concerned. Men can be aroused very quickly Women usually take much longer so a lot of foreplay is needed to get you aroused and wet. If you know what turns you on and he doesn’t, then show him what to do… guys can be pretty amazing but they aren’t mind readers. When first beginning to have sex it is important that you be relaxed. If you are tense your vaginal muscles will be tense and penetration will be very painful and/or impossible. Lubrication is extremely important! You must be well lubricated for intercourse not to be painful. Good water soluble intimate lubes, such as Astroglide or K-Y Liquid, are two that I’ve found work well. Don’t be afraid to use lots of it. Oil based lubes, such as Vaseline, should not be used as they deteriorate latex in condoms and vaginal barriers very quickly.

It would be a good idea for you to have a pelvic exam and pap before you become any more sexually active. The exam will serve several purposes. Your Gyn can tell if everything is normal in your pelvic area and if you have traces of your hymen s/he can make sure it doesn’t interfere with penetration. Also, having a pap will establish a baseline of sexual health against which future exams can be compared, which is a very good thing. If you are looking for advice about techniques you might want to visit the iVillage Let’s Talk About Sex board at: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-rlletstalkab&nav=star The ladies there are experts. Thanks for posting. Let us know how you’re doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill