A couple of days ago a close friend told me that she is having bad pain the area near her ovary before and during her period for the last several months. I told her that it was probably a good idea to make an appointment with her doctor or gyn as it could be any number of things. She told me that she hasn't had a checkup since she was an early teenager and that was a bad experience so she never went to have a pelvic exam. I told her now is definitely the time and that she is very over due, she's almost 22. I asked what happened and why she hasn't been, she said that when she was 13 the doctor had her in her bra and underwear and was checking her for scholosis, (sp?) and without giving her any warning pulled her underwear down, had her bend over to examine her anus, and said "now turn around I need to take a look to check your development." She felt violated so the idea of possilbly going through that again made her uncomfortable, nervous, and embarrassed, so she just blew it off. I told her that it's really not that big of a deal if you have the right doctor who acts in a professional matter and treats you with respect. She asked me for the number to my gyn and asked if I would go along with her to the appointment. Since she is a like a little sister to me, I said of course I would assuming that she just wanted me there for the trip and to hang out in the waiting room.
Now thinking about it I am not sure for how much of the appointment she actually wants me around for. I'll spare you the rest, but when I thought about it later, just the the way the conversation was going and the tone, I'm not sure if she wants me to tag along and be there with her in the waiting room, come back and while she talks to the doctor, or to be there for the whole thing. I have no idea how to casually bring up the subject without embarrassing both of us, as we've never really talked about feminine issues before. But I would like to know how much involvement she wants me to have.
If she does want me to be with her while she talks to the doctor, I'm fine with that, even if she would want me there for the whole thing I guess I'm OK with that too. If she does want me there for the whole thing, I'm not sure what I should do or how to act really. She is a close friend but it's not truly my little sister, so it just seems different. I've never had anyone go along with me or asked anyone to. I think I'm as nervous or more than she is about going. I just don't want to be embarrassed or look like an idiot.
Any advice would be great.
Thanks,
Diane
Ok, a couple of things… I’ve gone to the Gyn with a younger friend who wanted support and just sat at the head of the table while her doc performed her pelvic. Most male doctors will have a female nurse present during the exam as much for their own protection as the patients. If I were you I’d: 1) Ask your friend exactly what she expects your role to be, and if you are comfortable with what she is asking, then. 2) Have her call her doctor and make sure there will be no problem with you accompanying her, so there isn’t any misunderstanding and disappointment when the two of you arrive for her exam.
Here’s an article about what a first pelvic should be like. If your friend doesn’t have a computer you can print the article and give it to her to read. http://www.ivillagehealth.com/experts/womens/qas/0,,242103_896,00.html I’m certainly sorry your friend had that sort of initial experience. I can see where she might now have huge trust issues. It’s great if you can help her get through the initial experience. I hope everything turns out all right. Let us know how it goes, ok?
Good luck,
Jill
Since she is going to YOUR DOCTOR, ask the doctor if a nurse will/can be in on exams.
As far as not knowing how much involvement she wanted me to have I decided to wait until the day before to ask. I didn't want to risk causing anymore nervousness or stress than what she was already putting herself through. She told me during that conversation that she read the "First Visit" article on iVilliage and was more relaxed and that she would just like me to go and be in the waiting room.
On the next day I guess she got nervous when it actually came time. When we were in the waiting room after she finished filling out the paper work she asked me to come back with her. I then asked if she wanted me to be there for the exam too and she said yes before I could finish my sentence.
I reassured (sp) her that the doctor and everyone there is 150% professional and told her that it was a good idea to tell the doctor about how nervous she was so she could try to help her relax. She did and the doctor took her time to talk with her before the exam and then she was much more relaxed.
As far as the pain went, the doctor could not feel anything, but is sending her for a u/s.
Thanks again for the good advice,
Diane
Thanks for the feedback. I'm so glad things went well. Let us know how she's doing, ok?
Hugs,
Jill