did we missuse the condom??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
did we missuse the condom??
5
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 8:47pm
My boyfriend and I had sex today and used a condom with spermicidal lubricant. Since it was somewhat of a spur-of-the-moment decision, when he went to put on the condom he tried putting it on inside-out first. Needless to say, he found out that that wouldn't work, so he flipped it over and rolled it down. I'm a bit worried, though, that some of his pre-cum could have gotten on the condom and get me pregnant. We did use a spermicidally lubricated condom, we didn't have sex very long (6 minutes or so; like I said, it was spur-of-the-moment), and the condom wasn't inside me until about 30 seconds after he had tried to put it on wrong. Is that enough time for the spermicide to kill the sperm? Does the fact that he pulls out right before he finishes (even with a condom) help? I had my period about two weeks ago, so I'm getting worried that this little spontaneous act of lust wasn't our best idea. I would greatly appreciate it if someone who knew something about spermicide, or condoms, or anything would help me to at least get a realistic picture of what's going on. I don't want to bring it up with my boyfriend if it isn't an issue because I don't want him to freak out, and I really don't want to have to talk with my parents and tell them that I need to get a perscription for the morning-after pill. I know it's stupid, but I was also wondering if there was anything post-sex that I can do to reduce the risk of getting pregnant; does stuff like using the bathroom or masturbating about an hour or so after sex help? Is anything else along those lines that could?? Please, someone, calm my nerves; or at least give me a realistic idea of what's going on and what I should do.

Thanks!

Jen


(btw, I wanted to thank this board's administrator for answering a question of mine in the past! We did end up having sex during my period, I just took out the tampon right beforehand and we used a condom. So thanks a lot for your advice!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 12:19am
Hi Jen, welcome back!

>> when he went to put on the condom he tried putting it on inside-out first. Needless to say, he found out that that wouldn't work, so he flipped it over and rolled it down. I'm a bit worried, though, that some of his pre-cum could have gotten on the condom and get me pregnant.

You are right to be concerned. Pre-ejaculate can contain sperm. If his pre-ejaculate was on the outside of the condom and you were fertile there is a chance that you could become pregnant. The spermicide that comes with condoms isn’t very effective but anything it is better than nothing.

>> we didn't have sex very long (6 minutes or so; like I said, it was spur-of-the-moment), and the condom wasn't inside me until about 30 seconds after he had tried to put it on wrong. Is that enough time for the spermicide to kill the sperm? Does the fact that he pulls out right before he finishes (even with a condom) help?

I don’t think the time involved is relevant except for the interval any sperm on the outside of the condom might have been in contact with the spermicide. No one can say what the chances are of an unintended pregnancy but I think they are probably pretty slim.

>> I really don't want to have to talk with my parents and tell them that I need to get a perscription for the morning-after pill.

I understand your reluctance to discuss your situation with your mom. Can you phone your doctor and have him or her phone in an Rx. for EC? You should be able to get EC through your local Planned Parenthood clinic. Their clinic locator is: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/Zip.htm or through your local public health clinic. The sooner you get EC the more effective it is. It is most effective in the first 72 hours after the incident of concern so you are going to have to move quickly. The EC site is: http://ec.princeton.edu/ If you can you should confide in your mom and get her to help. It’s better than having to tell her if you become pg. If you can’t do that I would try asking your family doctor for EC and then Planned Parenthood. But you have a limited amount of time for EC to still be effective.

>>I was also wondering if there was anything post-sex that I can do to reduce the risk of getting pregnant; does stuff like using the bathroom or masturbating about an hour or so after sex help? Is anything else along those lines that could??

Unfortunately, no. There isn’t an effective way to minimize the risk of pregnancy from unprotected IC, except with emergency contraception. You might want to get on an effective method of birth control that you are in control of so that you know you are protected.

I hope things will work out for you. Let us know how you’re doing, ok

(((Hugs)))

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 8:41pm
Thank you for your advice. I'm pretty worried now, though. I thought I saw him wipe off the pre-cum after trying to put it on the first time, but it's all so jumbled up that I don't have a clear idea of what happened. I'm considering getting EC, although I'm horrified that someone I know could find out. Do you have to get it through your regular physician? Can you call a Patient-First type organization that sees people without an appointment, or go to the hospital to get a perscription? Probability tells me that I'm not going to get pregnant, but I don't want to wait until its too late to know for sure. I could try waiting another two weeks or so for my period, but by then it could be too late. This whole thing is just really scary for me, and I want to fix it but I don't want anyone to find out. I guess my real questions are what are the statistics for a situation like mine (small amount of pre-cum getting someone pregnant two weeks after their period), and what is the most cofidential way to get EC? Any advice or comfort would be wonderful.

Thanks,

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 8:59pm
Sorry to add something on, but I just did some research and found things both comforting and not. Generally, I hear that while there sperm in precum, it is only in trace amounts. Also, I found that a couple who only pulls out as means of contraception are 27% likely to have an unintentional pregnancy. If that's the case for a couple having regular unprotected sex over the course of a year, what are the realistic odds of me being pregnant?

Also, in the same vain as my question in the second post, how easy is it to keep an abortion a secret? If I was to become pregnant, is it possible for me have a safe, typical abortion without anyone, even my parents, finding out?

Thanks,

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 9:34pm
Sorry, I just felt like I had one last thing to add:

Since when he rolled the condom down he pinched the top (where the precum could have gotten) could that have helped at all? Could it have wiped some of it off, or killed any of the sperm? Anything?? Is there anything that we might have done to help reduce the possibility, and I'm just not thinking about it because I'm getting myself really worried??

Thanks again,

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 12:05am
Hi Jen,

Hon, if you haven’t already please talk to your doctor or the Nurses or a doctor at Planned Parenthood, and do it NOW or as soon as they open in the morning! They are paid professionals who can provide counseling about your options at this point.

>> I'm considering getting EC, although I'm horrified that someone I know could find out. Do you have to get it through your regular physician? Can you call a Patient-First type organization that sees people without an appointment, or go to the hospital to get a perscription?

Planned Parenthood, or a hospital ER or Patient First should be able to prescribe EC but in my opinion your best bet (if available to you) would be Planned Parenthood.

>> I guess my real questions are what are the statistics for a situation like mine (small amount of pre-cum getting someone pregnant two weeks after their period), and what is the most cofidential way to get EC?

I don’t know if there are statistics. Your chances of getting pg are probably pretty slim. If you are feeling lucky then do nothing. That might be the advice of the professionals but you won’t know unless you ask and you should have asked them yesterday.

>> how easy is it to keep an abortion a secret? If I was to become pregnant, is it possible for me have a safe, typical abortion without anyone, even my parents, finding out?

Planned Parenthood can advise you on these questions but it seems to me it would be a lot easier to keep being prescribed EC a secret that an abortion.

>> Since when he rolled the condom down he pinched the top (where the precum could have gotten) could that have helped at all? Could it have wiped some of it off, or killed any of the sperm? Anything?? Is there anything that we might have done to help reduce the possibility, and I'm just not thinking about it because I'm getting myself really worried??

There are several things you might have done ahead of time, but none (other than EC) after the fact, and you are running out of time to do that. You could have gotten on an effective method of contraception that you control. If neither of you have been tested for STDs then condoms are the only effective protection. If STDs aren’t a concern then a good spermicide and contraceptive sponges can be bought over the counter in pharmacies or on the internet. Spermicide along with condoms can be a very effective combination.

I know you are reluctant to make a decision but taking no action IS a decision and you are running out of time. EC decreases in effectiveness the longer after the event it is taken. Please talk to your doctor or the ladies at Planned Parenthood as soon as possible, they understand your situation! Let us know how you are doing, ok?

Good luck and hugs,

      Jill