Scared...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2004
Scared...
5
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 3:19am

Ok, I'm 22 and have never had sex.

I went to the gyn when I was 18. I was having other health issues and it was a trip to rule out any issues with my sexual health, not necessarily to have that annual checkup.

I went to a doctor, not a nurse aide or family planning clinic or med student or whatever...a true doctor. Since it was my first trip, they walked me through the exam, telling me what to expect, how to relax etc etc. Ok..so they go to the exam. And I told her I was a virgin and that I wanted her to use the smallest speculum possible.

Apparently...its a one-size-fita-all operation because she didnt (she didnt believe me when I said I was abstinent either so thats probably why). So she's trying to do the exam and she cant (and I am trying very very hard to relax because I know how important that is).

After 10 minutes of trying to do the exam, she quits. Pissed off she says "Are you active?" For like the 4th time I said no. She said "well do you use tampons?" At that time, I didnt.

She said "Well, I cant finish the exam. So...you either need to start using tampons to stretch out or have sex."

Whaaaaaaat????? What doctor tells a patient to have sex (one that is staying abstinent because its SMART) so they can do the exam? And what does sex have to do with my overall reproductive health? I mean...I know why BUT I still need to be sure I'm functioning ok and I have no cancer regardless of my sexual abstnence. And where exactly am I supposed to get sex...on the damn street corner??? And furthermore, while I haven't seen a penis (at that point), I know that a damn tampon is NO COMPARISON size wise. Come on...I'm not that naive.

So not only did I not get a pelvic exam, she didnt do a breast test either to check for lumps.

So now I'm 22 and havent been back since. My cycles are totally normal, always on time. I hardly ever PMS and my heaviest days are 2 days max and then 2 light days. Really short, really easy periods. When I do pms (which is about every 3rd month or so), I have cramps so bad I almost throw up. But other than that, my cycle is normal. I know I need to go for my health but it scares the crap out of me because I dont trust doctors and I REALLY dont trust gyn's now. I use tampons now but I know damn good and well that I'm still going to be "tight" for the exam AND that a tampon doesnt match a penis!! I don't want to go to the exam and then have a doc tell me to "Get laid" again because they cant finish it. And I'm not about to find a random penis for cryin out loud!!

And I want to go because I'm thinking about starting birth control, not only to help with the worse months PMS wise but to be protected should a sexual opportunity arise (and thats likely in the coming months). But I'm freaked out. Help me!!

~E~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
In reply to: emeraldsrubies
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 2:42pm

Hi emeraldsrubies, welcome!

I'm sorry you had such a disappointing experience. You're right, at 22 you should be having annual exams and a pelvic and pap are usually required before a doctor will prescribe BCPs. It is also a very good idea to have one as a baseline before you become sexually active. If you don't presently have a doctor who you have confidence in you might want to ask your friends if they have an experienced and caring doctor that they would recommend. Or you could try a Planned Parenthood clinic near you. Their clinic finder is: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/Zip.htm The PP health centers I've been to had caring and experienced practitioners. An annual isn’t fun but once you’re used to them they really aren’t that bad. I think your use of tampons will be a big help, not from the standpoint of size but from your having learned to relax for insertion. If relaxing and size are still of concern you could try practicing inserting one finger in your vagina, then two and after you’re comfortable with that then insert three fingers to become accustomed to the feeling. If you are really freaked out about going you might want to ask a girlfriend to go with you. Let us know how you’re doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
In reply to: emeraldsrubies
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 10:41am

Hi E:


The doctor was insensitive.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
In reply to: emeraldsrubies
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 5:21pm
That was unbelievable! You should report that doctor to your State's Board. And change obgyn, of course.

I have a woman nurse practitioner, a choice you may explore...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
In reply to: emeraldsrubies
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 2:21am
Hi,
I just wanted to say I've never heard of any kid of doctor saying that to anyone.I'm also a 22 yr old virgin and I've been having anuals since the age of 15.My midwife has never had a problem getting anything in or out,and I've never used tampons.I just can't believe the dr told u to have sex.That dr deprived you of medical care that they could have still gave you regardless of your virginity.Someone like that should not be in the medical field!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
In reply to: emeraldsrubies
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 11:49pm
I don't know what that doctor was thinking...I had my first exam at 18 and I was a virgin at the time. There was no problem whatsoever. You having sex should have nothing to do with that and your doctor was very insensitive. I agree that the doctor should be reported. Also, you definitely need to find another doctor because it it very important that you start having yearly checkups, especially if you are thinking about BCPs. I am very sorry for your bad experience, but not all doctors are like that :) Good luck.