First time sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2004
First time sex
3
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 1:42pm
Hi,
I am trying to have sex with my husband (got married recently). I have never had sex before in my life, though I have masturbated a couple of times. Till now, I have only been able to fit a finger into myself - anything bigger than that hurts so badly that I lose my sense of arousal completely, and start screaming with pain. My husband has been very patient, and has told me that he can wait as long as I want, and has assured me that we will have sex only when I am ready. I am getting frustrated because we have tried a couple of times, but the opening is too small! :(
I dont really know what to do about it, and am too embarassed to discuss this with anyone else. Please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
In reply to: ipenny123
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 3:29pm

Hi jpenny123, welcome!

Congratulations on your recent marriage!

It sounds to me as though you might have a condition called Vaginismus. It is fairly uncommon and can often be successfully treated under medical supervision.

Definition: Vaginismus is an involuntary spasm of the muscles surrounding the vagina that closes the vagina. This condition causes penetration to be difficult and painful, or even impossible.

Causes, incidence, and risk factors:Vaginismus is considered a sexual dysfunction. It is a complex condition with several possible causes that may result from past sexual trauma or abuse, other psychological factors, or a history of discomfort with sexual intercourse. Sometimes no cause can be determined.

Vaginismus is an uncommon condition, occurring in less than 2% of women in the US.
Women with varying degrees of vaginismus often develop anxiety regarding coitus and penetration, and intercourse is usually painful. However, this does not mean that they cannot achieve or sustain sexual arousal. Many are very sexually responsive and may have orgasms through clitoral stimulation. Women with vaginismus may seek sexual contact and sexual play as long as vaginal penetration is avoided.

For more about the condition symptoms and treatment see http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001487.htm

Let us know how you’re doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2004
In reply to: ipenny123
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 1:51pm
Thanks, cl-dancer31. I guess I should go and see a doctor about this, to find a solution. I really need to know what it is like to have sex! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
In reply to: ipenny123
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 9:49pm
Don't worry, and don't be frustrated, that'll only cause you to be tense and stressed. MY recommendation: he's you husband, so relax, trust him, and just let everything come naturally. Being relaxed will make it much easier. Sometimes, I have to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and mentally tell my muscles to relax.