Is there something wrong with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
Is there something wrong with me?
3
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 1:27pm
I am a 24 year old women and have been with the same man for 11 years now. I have 2 children and for the past 2 years or so( right after my second child was born) my husband became very held back and distant with me sexually. I almost always initiate sex and intercourse usually only lasts a couple of minutes. I was concerned that this behavior is caused by fear that I would get pregnant so i got a iud with progesteron put in 8 months ago but his behavior has not changed. Also I suffer from depression and am on pills to help but it causes me to have a really hard time to climax, do you think that he wont initiate because he feels like a failure because it takes me to long to get there? or do you think it is a problem that he has? He is only 27 and I would think that at that age he would still be wanting sex a couple times a week instead we sometimes go a month or more if I don't initiate first. Please help
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 4:52pm

Hi angel1006, welcome!

Have you tried discussing the situation with him? If you haven’t then you should, not at the time you are initiating but at a time when you are both relaxed and not under pressure. There are a lot of things that can cause decreased libido in a man, financial, work or home related stress or a medical problem to name a few. Here are some links to articles about sexual dysfunction. You might see some parallels to your situation.

Sexual dysfunction http://www.ivillage.com/topics/health/0,,234283,00.html?arrivalSA=1&cobrandRef=0&arrival_freqCap=2

Male sexual dysfunction http://www.ivillage.com/topics/health/0,,234376,00.html

If you can’t talk with him about it you might want to suggest the two of you see a therapist. Let us know how you are doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 12:28pm
I have told him how I feel but things don't change. I am so fustrated that I am ready to burst. I want sex so bad but when it comes down to doing it my mind wonders or i think to hard about getting to orgasm. I know that in minutes he will be done and I will be left there to cry under my breath. He has a large member and he feels amazing but then he cums and it is done. He is under tons of pressure but this is just in the past month, not for 2 years.
I have suggested sex toys, I have a vib egg but he does not want to use it because he would rather try to get me there by oral ect. I was sexually abused as a child and I wonder if this is why I can't just let go.
Last night I lay next to him with no shirt and he feel asleep as he played with my nipple, no sex happened and last sunday I lay on him and rubbed my self on him clothed he got so excited in just one minute of me doing this he pulled me off put it in me from behind and lasted min 30 sec.
when he does cum he tries to hide the fact from me (although I can feel when he is done) and he keeps going. after a minute or two he fakes an ejaculation.
I don't understand why he does this? I have told him that i can tell when he is done so why try to fake it.
anyone with suggestion please send me e-mail to angel1006@mail2world.com please add in that you are from ivillage and that way I will open it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 2:42pm

Hon, it sounds to me as though the two of you would benefit from talking to a therapist. You both may have issues that need to be resolved. Let us know how you're doing, ok?

Hugs,

      Jill