painful intercourse
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painful intercourse
| Thu, 12-16-2004 - 1:26pm |
I have been married for 11 and a half months. When I married I had never had intercourse. Although I didnt bleed the first time, it was painful. Since then, sex has been painful every time. After a few months ( I figured I was just stretching and getting used to it so I waited awhile) I went to the doctor. My MD (who usually does my pap smears etc) told me that I was just tensing up during sex and to relax. I tried alcohol, breathing and whatever I could think of to relax but it didnt work. Finally about 6 months ago I went to a gynocologist and he said I had inflamation of the vulva. In other words he didnt know why but my vulva was red and irritated and gave me a numbing cream to put on. Since my husband and I wanted to try for a baby he thought maybe once I was pregnant the hormones would get rid of the pain so we decided to try to get pregnant as treatment for my problem. So for almost 4 months I have been off of birth control. When I ovulate the pain is almost gone except for the first penetration. First penetration is always extremely painful. When I'm not ovulating and try to have sex, the first entry is awful, but if my husband holds himself up high and does not penetrate too deep it is bearable. When not ovulating, missionary position is the only thing we can do but if I am ovulating, I can do lots of other positions. Well, last time I had sex I was not ovulating yet and I tore and bled! I had never bled before but I tear almost every time (except when ovulating sometimes I dont). I can tell when I've torn because after sex my hymen stings and burns. I've been told that my hymen is ok and that my vagina is plenty big enough. We use tons of astroglide lubrication. And the doctors said that my muscles are not tensing so its not that more common syndrome (cant remember what its called). Does anyone else have this problem? Any ideas on how to cope with the pain? Is there a position that would be easier? Any way to keep from tearing? After almost a year of painful sex I feel like a total failure to my husband. I'm not totally messed up because I can have orgasms and I always have natural lubrication. Oh and my husband's penis is normally sized. Any ideas? Is there anyone out there that feels this hopelessness?

Hon, I’m sorry you are going through this… It sounds to me as though you might have a condition called Vaginismus. It is fairly uncommon and can often be successfully treated under medical supervision. If it's not that could you have an allergy you your husband’s sperm? The swelling might be an alergic reaction. Or, if you are using spermicide or condoms coated with spermicide, you might be allergic to an ingredient in the spermicide. Or, if you are on hormonal contraceptives they can sometimes (depending on the mix of hormones) have a drying effect on vulvar tissues that can lead to tearing easily. If the problem is caused by your BCPs a pill switch might cure the problem. Numbing cream is just covering up the condition if it helps at all. In any case it would be a really good idea to get a second and possibly a third opinion from different Gynos to find out why you are tearing.
For more on sperm allergy: http://www.ivillagehealth.com/experts/womens/qas/0,,274664_127812,00.html
More on Vaginismus…Definition: Vaginismus is an involuntary spasm of the muscles surrounding the vagina that closes the vagina. This condition causes penetration to be difficult and painful, or even impossible.
Causes, incidence, and risk factors:Vaginismus is considered a sexual dysfunction. It is a complex condition with several possible causes that may result from past sexual trauma or abuse, other psychological factors, or a history of discomfort with sexual intercourse. Sometimes no cause can be determined.
Vaginismus is an uncommon condition, occurring in less than 2% of women in the US.
Women with varying degrees of vaginismus often develop anxiety regarding coitus and penetration, and intercourse is usually painful. However, this does not mean that they cannot achieve or sustain sexual arousal. Many are very sexually responsive and may have orgasms through clitoral stimulation. Women with vaginismus may seek sexual contact and sexual play as long as vaginal penetration is avoided.
For more about the condition, symptoms and treatment see http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001487.htm
Let us know how you’re doing, ok?
Good luck,
Jill
Hi.
If your doctors say that you don't have Vaginismus you might have a form of Vulvodynia or a related condition. As another poster said it would be good for you to check out the Vulvodynia board http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhvulvodynia . The condition is not well understood and is often misdiagnosed by a large portion of the medical community. Let us know how you're doing, ok?
Good luck,
Jill
No, my doctor has said that it is probably not vaginismus because, like you, it does not happen when I am examined, and because penetration is possible. So I probably shouldn't have said "vaginismus" but they do think that it is largely psychological.
I know what you mean. It is not normal to take this long to adjust. As for wishing we had sex before marriage, I did think our wedding night was special, despite the pain, but I also think that it is unfair for my husband to have entered into this marriage under the impression that there would be sex once we were married, when in actual fact nothing has changed. I feel like a terrible wife.
But getting back to the question, yes, the pain is at the opening--specifically on the back wall of the vagina. It is not deep inside and I do not have painful periods, so it is unlikely to be endometriosis or anything internal. I do get fissures sometimes though, between my vagina and anus. My doctor says it is do to yeast infections, but it happens from sex, even when there is no yeast infection present.