Sexual dysfunctions and Therapists

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Sexual dysfunctions and Therapists
1
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 9:22pm

I dont know if any of you remember my post from eariler about losing my virginity and not experiencing any feeling during intimacy. Well let me recap.

I lost my virginity back in june but before hand I realized I had an issue with being inimate with my boyfriend. When Im with him I cant seem to become arouse and much of it has to do with my issues with feeling unattractive. It wasnt always like that, I used to feel desire when around him. For the first two years of dating we experimented in foreplay and not once was i ever brought to orgasm. I didnt get any sort of stimulating feeling from it and after two years of trying everything in the book, I guess you can say I lost my desire to even try anymore. We tried sex numerous times and all i feel is pain on the initial penetration then just the insane urge to urinate. Its VERY uncomfortable, Ive tried using lots of lubricant and various ones to help with the pain, and now its becoming more of a job then a pleasure. My boyfriend is starting to feel as though he is inadequate as a male, which I try my best to tell him its not him but me, but after hearing it for so long hes not convinced anymore. I have gotten so frustrated with the lack of orgasm and never finding release with my partner or any sort of feeling CLOSE to good that I have lost all hints of arousal with him and only feel desire when I am alone. My boyfriend isnt asking for it, trying not to be pushy but when he tries to get close or kiss me I am instantly annoyed and want to snap at him to get away. Its like ive reverted back to the 'boys have cooties' years.

I have a major issue with accepting my body and I know it is a SERIOUS factor in my problem. Im not a small girl, not over weight but not small and I have always had a serious dislike for my body since the 6th grade. He tries to tell me that im beautiful and that he loves me but hes said it so much that when he starts to utter the words I just want to tell him to shut up. It aggrivates me now when he trys to give compliments and I dont even want to kiss him anymore. Im trying my best to not be mean to him or snap at him because im so frustrated but I know he can sense it off of me. Im so afraid that Im going to cause him an intimacy issue if this keeps up.

Someone had said that perhaps I should see a sex therapist, but thats easier said then done. I live in Lafayette, Louisiana and I cant seem to locate a single sexual therapist. Ive looked it up in the yellow pages and tried asking around but no one could help me. If anyone knows any good way of finding one please let me know. I want to find out about availabitly, times, price ranges, and so on so that I can get an understanding of how to go about getting help. My relationship is going to shambles, to the point where Im questioning my feelings for him and I cant say i love you back because I keep thinking that I want to be alone. I dont want to hurt him with my issues but I also know his support helps me. Im so frustrated that the mere thought of intimacy makes me break out in stressed out tears. PLEASE someone help me any way you can! Ive already looked at the sexual dysfunction page and I relate to some of them, but I cant find where to get help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 12:01am

Hi lookalikairish, welcome back!

Using Google and searching for ‘sexual therapists’ brought up these links:

Therapist locator: http://www.4therapy.com/locator/index.php

Therapist locator http://cms.psychologytoday.com/google/

Sexual therapists http://www.sexualtherapy.com/directory.htm

In addition, if you haven’t already done so, it would be a good idea to talk with your local (or a nearby) medical society about possible therapists in your area or to get the names and phone numbers of their professional organizations which you could then contact for referral to a therapist. Perhaps you would have to travel to get to the nearest therapist but it might be worth the time and effort. I hope you can find someone to help you. Let us know what you find and decide, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill