??? about my man

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2005
??? about my man
5
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 3:26pm
I have a question about my man and his erection? Is this the board to be asking? I have been checking out all of ivillage and cant find the right place to ask.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 3:51pm

Hi longtimesrc, Welcome!

We will sure try to help, what is your question or problem?

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2005
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 11:22pm
Well I am dating a guy, for about 2 months now. And when ever we start to get pysical, I expect his member to "rise to the ocassion". It doesnt happen. His penis is semi hard but not solid. We havent tried sex yet, only oral. During oral sex he does become harder, but not fully. He says he doesnt want to have sex because he is afraid of pregnancy. I have brought condoms along, still wont change his mind. I think he realizes that he is not fully hard and that is the true reason for him backing out. My question is why is this happening? I have asked him the usual are you STD free. And he is, no medical problems. So what could be causing this? Is it nerves? Or could it be the achololic beverages? He drinks almost everyday, 2-3 beers. And on weekends more. Any advice you can give me would help! I am not sure if this is something I want to discuss with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 9:48am

Sometimes it can be just stress , if your man is under a lot of stress it can interfere


with the sexual enjoyment even obtaining an erection. There are some meds


that make it hard for a man to get an erection as well for example anti depression


meds and the like . I think in time and understanding all things will work out for the


better be patient give him time his own time I think when women stress on this too much


it makes the man more reluctant to talk and may run not wanting to deal with the


personal problem he is having at hand


I know you don't want to pressure any one


take care co cl of the HIV/AIDS board


georgianna

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 11:48am

Hi longtimesrc, Welcome back!

Erectile problems are quite common in men and can have a number of different causes. A good article on erection difficulties is Erection problems: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003164.htm which list a lot of problems that can result in ED and what can be done to help. If his concern is really an unintended pregnancy then you could try to allay his fears by going on an effective method of birth control yourself such as hormonal contraceptives and see if that helps his performance but with oral sex there is no risk of pregnancy and if he gets only semi-hard for oral that suggests to me that his problem is something other than fear of pregnancy. Other things you could try are wearing clothes that he finds particularly arousing or watching erotic videos and see if that has any effect.

I think he's probably going to have to want help himself, to the extent of going to a urologist to find out what his problem really is. Good communication between partners is very important when trying to discuss a problem like ED. As the other poster said pressuring him might make the problem worse if he will not go to his doctor. Let us know how you and he are doing. Thanks for posting.

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2005
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 5:05pm

Hi

Thanks for the advice. I think that I may have some answers to my question. Last night during our usual make out session his erection was harder. I believe that this was due to the fact that he didnt drink much. He was able to perform more, but still refused intercourse. He was more erect but still wasnt firm all of the time. I think that drinking is affecting his ability. We have discussed this at lenght and he is working on quiting drinking all together. We are hoping for the best. Thanks for all your help.

longtimesrc