having boyfriend troubles

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2001
having boyfriend troubles
4
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 10:00pm
Has anyone just not ever wanted to have sex with their boyfriend, I love him, Im attracted to him, but I never want to do it
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Sat, 08-20-2005 - 9:47am

Hi mariaparatore, welcome!

Low libido is not uncommon in women. Have you had a higher sex drive in the past? Sexual desire can be affected by things such as stress or a medical condition and a very common side effect of hormonal contraceptives is a lower the libido. That happened to me, which is why I stopped taking BCPs and switched to a nonhormonal method of contraception. So there may be a way to increase your libido. A good article on female sexual desire is: Women and sex: What is 'dysfunctional'? http://www.apa.org/monitor/apr03/women.html You might want to talk with your doctor and see what s/he says. Thanks for posting. Let us know how you’re doing, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2001
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 3:52pm
In the past we had a pretty good sexual life. Unfortunately, there were many issues some of them with him being unfaithful, rejecting me and emotional abuse. We parted for a full year and dated others. In that time, he got a lot of professional help, has turned his life around and now we have found ourselves back together. In the interim, I was dating a guy that I was very compatible and had unbelieveable sex with. I left him to go back to the first guy because there was so much between us that I could not be with out. Now I miss the sex with the other guy. The current guy I am with is great, we don't fight, no jealousy, he wants to please me, I love everything about him, but I am having serious issues with being sexually attracted to him. Don't know what to do. To worsen matters, the second guy wants to get back together with me. OOOOO what to do!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 4:25pm

Hi, welcome back!

>>The current guy I am with is great, we don't fight, no jealousy, he wants to please me, I love everything about him, but I am having serious issues with being sexually attracted to him. Don't know what to do. To worsen matters, the second guy wants to get back together with me.<<

It sounds to me as though the earlier issues with your present bf are still not entirely resolved on your part. It might be a good idea to seek counseling to try and resolve them. Even prioritizing your wants and needs from a relationship and then ranking the two guys against what you are looking for in a man might be helpful. Let us know how you're doing and what to decide, ok?

Good luck,

      Jill

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2001
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 4:45pm
I don't really think that's it. I have talked to a professional about the issues in the past and truly I believe that they are in the past. I am concerned that I don't lust after MR.#1 as I lust after MR. #2. I am worried that the passion may be gone and I don't know if that is reversible. If it is I am willing to do that how, don't know. But after 5 years of on and off and we still end up together, that I guess tells me something.